The Punishment of a submissive
In further ramblings, today I'm going to try and
communicate some of my views on punishment(s) in a BDSM based
relationship. I wish you luck in making sense of this, as usual, and
I hope that at least some of it will be useful to you in your own
relationship(s) or in at least it should help you to understand me a
little bit better.
The first thing to consider is why you are punishing
a sub, and what you want to gain out of it. Some people tend to
think that punishment should be given for enjoyment purposes, either
the dominant's or the submissive's. If you're doing it for
enjoyment, then it's not really punishment to a sub, and if s/he
thinks that it is then they are much more likely to disobey to get
something that they want. If the dominant does it for their
enjoyment, then calling the activity a punishment can be damaging to
the self-confidence and self-esteem of the sub, they will question
why they can't seem to please their dominant and always need to be
punished. Such activity is much better labeled as pleasing the
dominant, rather than punishing the sub.
A sub should be punished for something s/he did, or
did not do, providing that the dom's expectations on the matter have
been clearly established. If there were no clear expectations, then
the sub should not be punished because the dominant is at fault. The
sub is a person, and can only do what s/he has been asked to do. It
is the responsibility of the dominant to make their wishes and
desires known, and to punish a submissive for their failure is
stupid.
What you try to punish is as important as what you
do to punish. To use an example, do you punish the dog for pissing
on the floor when you didn't let it out for 24 hours? With a person,
you can get a much better understanding of why something was done if
you talk to them. Find out why they did what they did, and give a
punishment that will address why they did what they did
constructively, trying to teach them. I find this helps much more
than just a punishment that involves pain.
Another way to look at a punishment is this: for a
true sub, the worst possible punishment is knowing that they have
not pleased their dom. A physical punishment's true purpose is to
provide a method of atonement for the sub, as well as reassurance
that s/he is still loved, cared for and desired. When seen in this
light, the whole idea of punishment becomes a little bit blurred.
When punishing a submissive, you should choose
something which they don't like, or extremely hate. If they like
something, it will not be effective if you try to use it as a
punishment, it will either detract from their enjoyment of it, or it
will encourage them to disobey again, neither of which is desirable.
This means that time and effort must be spent getting to know the
likes and dislikes of your sub. (Above and beyond everything you
learned in just getting to know them :)
NEVER PUNISH A SUBMISSIVE OR SLAVE IN ANGER!
Doing so is opening the Pandora’s box of abuse. My
personal rule is that I will not even decide, let alone implement a
punishment in anger. It clears your thinking, and helps to find a
punishment rather than just a reaction.
Well, I suppose that's it for today. I will likely
come back and try to clean this up sometime before too long, writing
with interruptions does funny things to your thoughts. :)
