A submissives journey

I've frequently been asked, what is a munch.. I came across this information from a Rockford, Illinois group that describes their munch,,,, guess this pretty much sums up what most munches are generally about,, If you're interested in attending a munch watch our community chat room or check our munch schedule page here on this web site, you'll find I post notices of munches that this community sponsors at various locations around the US. I'm working on a list of reputable groups that hold munches at various locations, many on a regularly scheduled basis so watch for that list to be posted soon.

A munch is a meeting of people who are into the Dominant/submissive (D/s) or BDSM lifestyle. They practice it in their lives, either on a daily basis or use it to enhance their sex lives. It is a social group, for those of similar interests to get together and meet each other. People who are "novices" and have a genuine interest in the lifestyle are also welcome to attend. It is a place to learn things from each other, plan events and get togethers. Our munches are held in a local restaurant.

It is not a dating service or a place to pick up easy sex. It is not a place to pick someone up that will simply let you beat them. Every sub I have met is not submissive to just anyone. You must earn their trust first, and prove you are worthy.

Also, many of the subs already have their own Masters /Mistresses, and are not interested in another one. If you think it is easy to earn a sub's respect, think again. It is also not a place for "Wanna-bes" or "Cyber Doms and subs" to hang out. If these are your intentions for joining the group, you are better off looking elsewhere.

The following is a "munch primer" which was written by Mayo, a member of the REALM.

"Virgin Munchers" or, attending a

munch for the first time.

Several people have mentioned being afraid to attend their first munch. I thought I would take this opportunity to ease your fears. Our group seems to be the kind of group where people just jump in to help others and that's what I'm attempting here.

I would like to explain what happens at the REALM munch group, what you are likely to see and generally define what goes on, for those of you who have never attended a munch but are longing to meet with others of like minds.

The first impression you are likely to get is from appearances. We have diverse body shapes. We are not all one size (just like in the real world). We all look incredibly main stream. You would look at most of us on the street and never have a clue we share this interest. It's not that we are intentionally dressing to hide our kinkiness... it's that we ARE for the most part, main stream people with otherwise "normal" lives.

Some attend the munch wearing business attire. Some people wear casual clothes like T-shirts and jeans, others wear slightly more dressy but still casual clothing. There is no dress rule other than (since we meet in a public restaurant) no revealing fetishwear. Some of the submissives wear collars, some show no visible signs of belonging to someone else. I have been known to wear a leather vest. So do thousands of other people not in the scene.

The next impression you will get is from personalities. We honestly have a fun and friendly group. We like each other, we make a point to try and talk with everyone who shows up, make them feel welcome and comfortable. Some of us are humorous, some of us are serious, some of us are interesting. You would find the same mix at any social gathering.

We do not form cliques or separate groups within the group. We do not force anyone to offer any information other than normal introductions like you would have at any party. Occasionally we have informal non structured discussions about the scene, and other times we talk about "vanilla" daily real life stuff.

Sometimes we have members (myself included) who bring toys to show off, or objects which were not originally intended to be used in the scene, but that make great toys when used in a particular fashion. Please use discretion in this regard since it's a public place... no zapping the waitress with propane grill starters please ;-).

Some of us have a lot of experience in the scene, some of us are new, and some are somewhere in-between. If you have questions about any scene or relationship issues, this is a good place to get other people's opinions. The munch takes place in a reasonably priced restaurant which offers pizza, Italian Food, sandwiches, dinners, soft drinks, beer or wine. (EDITORS NOTE: the restaurant we hold munches at has changed since the writing of this primer.) There is no meeting dues or room fee and the restaurant is content to just sell us what we consume. We are basically free to stay there and eat, drink, and chat until closing. People come and go according to their own schedule although the munch officially starts at 7:00 PM. Everyone pays for their own food and beverages. There is a group tip which the restaurant automatically adds and it is divided evenly among all guests. Our meeting room is actually a separate room within the restaurant, so for the most part, the general public does not overhear our conversation.

If you are concerned about who to ask for when going into the restaurant, you can simply ask for the computer users group, or the REALM group. We are so low key that if you asked for that kinky sex, S&M, Dominance & submission, bondage and discipline group, the people at the reception area would probably just look at you with wide eyes and say "huh?"

I hope this explanation will encourage those of you who have never attended a munch, to come out and meet us.

(see the related page: Munch FAQ's)

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