A submissives journey

In My travels I recently came across a disucssion on the topic of when exactly is a slave a slave?  If for example, a girl isn't owned, doesn't have a Dominant or Master, can she still be a slave?  I came across the answer below and thought I would share it with you.  I'd enjoy seeing your comments or responses to this as well.

 

Is A Slave a Slave Only When Owned?

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This is an interesting question on so many levels. It really makes a person think. Surely, the quickest answer, the answer at perhaps its most basic and simplistic is no, as the definition of a slave is “One bound in servitude as the property of a person or household.” (As defined in the 4th Edition of the American Heritage Dictionary)

However, in the Internet community, where labels tend to have a somewhat useful purpose in regards to identifying what subset of the D/s culture one belongs, the answer is, in my opinion, not that cut and dried. All slaves are submissive. But not all submissives are slaves. It is often easier and more accurately definitive, when posed the question of “Where in the lifestyle do you fall?” to answer with, “I’m a slave”…regardless of whether or not you are owned at the time the question is posed. It is clearly indicative of where your leanings lie.

The case could be made that the better answer would be “I’m predisposed towards slavery,” and yet that leaves some wiggle room as far as interpretation by the other person. It is also a mouthful. And what does that mean to the other person? Does it mean that even though your natural leanings (or predisposition) towards slavery exist, that you could accept or be content in a form of submission that falls short of complete and total ownership?

I have met and spoken with many submissives who have slave tendencies or for whom slavery has much appeal, but yet, their natural inclination is not total ownership, per se, but rather that feeling of deep control and authority over them. Could not the term “predisposed towards slavery” apply to them as well? Especially when the other person embraces what I consider to be consensual slavery in every way but the term “slavery” itself?

The Internet has created a lot of confusion in regards to labels, definitions, and the like. Yes, the Internet has opened up a wealth of information for many and has helped a lot of people, myself included, find who they truly are. Prior to being owned by Ki, I knew that I needed the yoke of slavery in order to reach my fullest potential as a submissive and as a human being. I needed it in order to find my peace and my center.

So, for me, when I was asked what I was or where I fell in the D/s lifestyle, I answered simply, “I am an unowned slave.” It was a simple answer. It was the definitive answer. And even though at the time I was not owned, and therefore not a slave in the strictest sense, not a slave according the definition above, I was not seeking to cheapen those out there who were living the life of a slave. I was simply answering with my truth. My very being needs to be a slave. I provided the answer that best described who and what I am, what I needed, where I saw myself within the lifestyle. I was also providing enough information to discourage those for whom total ownership of another person was not what they were looking for.

shysweet said,

 

Quote:

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if one can be a slave simply because they say or feel that they are so, then that cheapens what it truly means to be owned, and the life we as slaves live.

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But I have to beg to respectfully differ. One, another’s words can only cheapen what I let it, what I give those words power to demean, lessen or degrade. And two, I am a consensual slave. I would not now live in the condition of slavery if I did not feel that it is what I need, what I believe in my hearts of hearts I am. To live as a consensual slave has to start with the would-be slave feeling that he or she is so…is a slave, needs to be a slave, needs to live under the authority of another person. That is the essence of consent and therefore consensual slavery, as I see it. It has to start with me saying that slavery is what I need, that a slave is who and what I am.

To live in a way that is not true to my inner truth…now that would truly cheapen, not only the state of consensual slavery, but the state of whatever it was that I was pretending to be, myself and my significant other. My point is simply that I would not be an “owned” slave had I not felt that I was so, had I not acknowledged it first to myself and then sought to reach for what I needed and, upon finding it, ceded my being to another.

I may have made a muddle of this, but I really see both sides of the coin on this topic. In the past, especially early on in my life as Ki’s slave, yes, I sometimes felt a bit of pique when I would see an online persona bandying about how they were a slave. I will be the first to admit that I would make snap judgments and if I saw something that I viewed in them that was not “slave-like” in my mind, I would feel that bit of…hmmm…well, resentment, for them claiming to be something that I felt they were not, for them daring to call themselves a slave when they had not the first inkling of what it was, how hard it was, how idealistic they viewed the institution of slavery. I would think, “Get a clue!”

But, I’ve grown up a bit since then. I’m not proud of those thoughts or judgments, but I can’t deny that I had them. I am a slave. That is my truth. I am secure in my truth and therefore what others may do in the course of their own personal journey to self-discovery doesn’t bother me overly much. I made a lot of mistakes on my way. I fought my needs for slavery because I feared it, feared being this freak of nature. And by fighting it, by denying it, I entered into a relationship that had no chance of succeeding because the Dom in question wasn’t after a slave, couldn’t provide me what I knew in my heart I needed. We both got hurt and we both had to stand before the other, with love still in our hearts, and admit that we were not what we portrayed ourselves as being. We thought we were being honest at the time, but we were both running, in one form or another, from the truths in our own hearts. We were not meant to be.

As much as I’d like to have all the answers, as much as I’d like to spare others pain and heartbreak, there are things that we all must discover on our own. So, when I look at others now, I don’t feel resentment if they think slavery is one thing over another, when they claim to be the uber-submissive or uber-slave. I simply remember my own mistakes and my own mis-steps and draw from the security of knowing, finally, who and what I am. What another is or claims to be, has no bearing on my truths at all. For me, I am a slave, but I never would have reached this point had I not woke up one day willing to say it, willing to face the truth about myself, had I not stood in front of the mirror and said, “I am a slave.”

So, was I really? I was not owned…was I really a slave? No. Honestly, in all literal senses of the word, I was not. But I needed to be. Telling myself, believing it and accepting it, was the first step in seeking what it was that I truly needed. And now…yes, I am a slave.

Anyway, this probably should have been broken up into a few different topics. I can ramble with the best of them, I suppose. The thing is…if someone needs to say, “I am a slave” in order to accept it about themselves, I’m all for it. If someone uses it to describe their needed submissive experience, I have no problem with it. It can certainly cull the field quite quickly. But the truth is, as shy has said and some others, that in order to truly claim the term slave, ownership has to be transferred to another. Until such a time, you are more truly one seeking to live as a slave. But…and a big but, sometimes you need to just say it, in order to digest it, in order to accept it. And I just don’t think that is out of place or a bad thing at all. “I am a slave”…it was the single most powerful statement to me and the most positive thing that I ever could have done for myself.

Rambling Howls,
ici