Part Two
– Slave Training Theory
Principles
of Effective Training
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Firm, gentle and calm
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Take your time: slow and steady
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Patience
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Communication, communication, communication
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Confidence in what you are training
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Simple
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Direct
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Safe, Sane, and Consensual (SSC)
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Repetitive and consistent
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Recognition of compliance and infractions:
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Textually documented
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Tolerant
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Flexible
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Building rapport & trust
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Recognize, acknowledge and react to barriers
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Motivate, praise and reward often – if not always!
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Strive for progress and know that perfection doesn’t exist
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Allow for mistakes from time to time
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Be prepared
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Make it fun! Create games
and tools that are fund and enjoyable.
It’s easier and more enjoyable to remember those things
that put a smile on our face.
A
method to Effective Training
1)
Tell them about it:
Who, What, Why, When, Where
2)
Have them tell you:
Who, What, Why, When, Where (hopefully in their own words)
3)
Make corrections if necessary and repeat
step 2
4)
Tell and show them How to do it!
5)
Have them tell and show you How to do it!
6)
Make corrections if necessary and repeat
step 4
7)
Ensure that written documentation is
available with “rule” and/or “behavior” information and both of you
have signed off.
Confirm what will happen for
compliance and non-compliance and get “buy-in”
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Reward for compliance to your instructions
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Talk about infractions or willful disobedience and punish ONLY
when necessary (last straw sort of thing)
Try to be as technical, direct and
specific in your request.
If there is something that you left out, just add it into
future rules but do not reprimand your submissive for something that
*you* were not direct and specific about.
If both the submissive and yourself keeps in mind that
neither of you are perfect but do strive to be our best, little
slip-ups here and there can be tolerated.
Tolerance and flexibility are important to remember from both
sides.
Setting
the stage
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Time (schedule) and duration of training session
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Place
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Atmosphere, free of interruptions
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Clothing attire (including training collar) of submissive and
dominant
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Positions of submissive and dominant
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Voice commands and tone of voice
Training
Issues (to keep in mind)
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Aggression, defensiveness
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Self esteem issues
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Testing the waters
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Addictions
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Fear
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Non committed
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Power struggles
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Not learning the required rules, behaviors, actions, skills,
etc..
The number one thing you can do to avoid,
diminish or resolve training issues is to have open and forthright
communication.
Allow the
submissive to speak freely, uninterrupted and without fear of
reprimand.
Be ward and
listen with the intent of resolving, organizing and settling the
issue.
It’s my belief that abusive
language or behaviors is never to be tolerated on either side and
the moment something like that comes up – I suggest taking a time
out.
Since the dominant
is the one setting the pace., it’s important that they have the
strength not to get caught up in issues (especially emotionally
charged ones) and remain objective.
During the training phase when a beautiful and enchanting
submissive can sway us into letting them get away with things that
are generally unacceptable, this is the most important time to set
precedents.
I suggest writing up a list of
totally unacceptable actions in the beginning or as you go along and
enforce them with strength, vigor and consequence.
Tools
and Accoutrements for Effective Training
Training
Tools
Various Tools can be used to assist
in the training and development of the submissive.
Here are some suggestions:
cane, crop, reward and punishment tool, training collar,
coaching log and progress reports, positive and negative book, and
appraisals,
One-on-one
meetings, repetitive work,
Weekly Task lists.
Specifically of note for further
explanation are: name calling, journalizing, rewards and punishments
and training contracts.
Names
and Other Stuff
What name will you use when you
address the submissive?
What name do you wish your submissive to call you?
Will the names you use be different during training?
Will there be degrees, levels and limitations to pass before
they can call you something different?
Will they sit next to you on the couch or speak in public
fetish events?
Journaling
I believe that keeping a training
journal for yourself is a very important tool in understanding what
works and what doesn’t work in your interactions and then reviewing
it every week or so.
It’s also a good idea to have your submissive record their thoughts
on their training.
I
have one warning in regards to keeping journals:
discuss with your submissive when and how you will respond to
the contents of the journal.
Keep in mind that it’s a journal that can include very
personal feeling that can become hurtful when shields are not up.
If you choose to react in a hurtful, angry or other
discouraging way – the submissive will grow to resent you or they
will not diverge their truest feelings for fear of hurting, angering
or discouraging you.
Approach every tool with the goal that it will have a positive end
result.
Rewards
and Punishments
It’s important to not only punish
but to reward your submissive for compliance and infractions. Your
submissive needs to feel that you care and forgetting to dish out
what’s earned is a sure sign to a submissive that you don’t care.
Encourage compliance and discourage infractions through a
positive reward system.
Also try to reward more than punish, even if the submissive has
created more infractions.
As long as they are putting good effort, give a few “get out
of jail” free passes from time to time.
We are all human!
The worst thing we can do is associate training with punishment
unless it’s of the erotic punishment variety!
Training
Contract
A training contract is useful to
determine and document length of time, reward and punishments, forms
of address, rules and expectation of training conduct for both the
dominant and the submissive, etc..
Training is an on-going process and
it gives both the submissive and dominant opportunities for
challenge and growth.
Just like learning is life long, so is the training of our
submissive!
How much is a good idea to train at
once?
It’s also possible
to devise a training program that lasts a few hours, days or months.
I do believe it’s best to train one – three things at a time
so that the submissive will have an opportunity to demonstrate the
action, be successful and make it a habit.
Allow for renegotiating the
contract when things are not working out the way either one of you
had thought (fantasized) that it would!
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