This is a page of advice, information and tips to try and help submissives understand the need for safety when they are intending to meet a new dom for the first time. I hear so many horror stories from submissives that have met someone and ended up in physical danger or have been emotionally hurt.

Many new submissives think because of the levels of communication and trust involved within the BDSM scene that they will naturally be safe. WRONG! There is just as much abuse within the BDSM scene as anywhere else. It is much better to be prepared than suffer either mental or physical harm, all for the sake of a few small precautions.

Don't believe everything people online tell you. Just like in real life there are weirdo’s online. It is much easier to create a false identity, or even change gender than in real life.

Make sure you take time to find out as much personal information you can about a prospective dom. If he is genuine then he has nothing to hide.

Talk to him on the telephone. Insist that you phone him not just once, but also when he is not expecting you to call. To protect yourself phone from either a public telephone or with caller ID blocking so that your number is not divulged.

Ensure your e-mail address doesn't give your full name away. It's amazing how easy it is to trace someone these days via online telephone directories and electoral register if you have a name and a rough area of where someone lives. Get yourself a free online e-mail address like hotmail if necessary. It can always be thrown away if things don't work out.

Don't be in too much of a hurry to meet him face to face. Make sure you know enough about him first. It can also save a lot of upset and wasted time if you have had a chance to really get to know someone well before meeting them. Its not just about whether your sexual and physical needs are the same, but that you have plenty of other things in common too.

You be the one to pick the location where you will meet the first time, or if he does, make sure it is somewhere you are familiar with. The venue needs to be very public, somewhere you feel safe and comfortable with, and where there are plenty of other people around.

Leave a copy of his details, location you are meeting and time with 2 separate people. Leave a copy of them also by your own telephone, so that they can be easily found in case of emergency.

Ensure you set up a silent alarm or “safe call”. This is a phone call that you pre-arrange to make to a designated reliable friend at a certain time. This friend should be one of the people you have left details of your meeting with. It is vital that you make this phone call once it has been arranged. If you don't make this call, and your silent alarm can't get in touch with you via your mobile phone, then they should phone the police with details of what has happened.

Carry a mobile phone fully charged, or in credit, in your handbag out of sight. It means that in cases of emergency you can use it to phone for help from places like the ladies toilets, where he can't hear you.

Don't be pressured into going somewhere more private, especially on your first meeting.

Let him know that several people know exactly where you are, and that you are meeting him. If he is genuine he will be very pleased that you have taken care to ensure your own safety, and will go along with your plans. He shouldn't try to make you do anything you don't feel comfortable with, or that you hadn't planned to do.

Be very wary if he insists on meeting you in private, say in a hotel bedroom, and expects you to play on your first meeting. This is a huge risk, and a genuine dom shouldn't expect this.

If you change your plans when you meet, alert your silent alarm to the change of plans, and remember to keep them updated so they know your whereabouts at all times.

Don't get into his car. Make sure you have your own transportation wherever possible. If this is not practical ensure you have plenty of money for a taxi or a train ride home.

All of this sounds very drastic, but it is far better to be over cautious than to put yourself at risk. Because of the very nature of BDSM it is going to attract some undesirables who are able to read enough both online and off to pass themselves off as doms. Just because they say they are a dom, doesn't mean they really are.

It is far better to be ultra cautious until you are comfortable and feel safe and secure enough to meet in private. If he is a genuine dom he will respect your need to ensure your own safety, and won't make a big issue out of it all.

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