A submissives journey

Life comes with bills, the flu, dishes, and laundry, getting the car serviced, taking the trash out, going to work and so much more. Plus then add in kids if you have them and then you have less time. And everything keeps going no matter if you are in a Dominant submissive relationship. It means there is no 24/7 bondage, BDSM and sex. It means living life the best we can do and trying to add in things to keep that focus of the power exchange. It is keeping it real within reality.

I think people think when you are in a Dominant submissive or Master slave relationship it is all about sex and BDSM. But as you know we live in the real world and we make our lives fit within reality of the world or it will makes us fit in it.

The only thing needed for a Master slave or Dominant submissive relationship is the power exchange. In our relationship he controls and I serve and obey. And that is all that is needed. And those things can fit in anyone's life with bills, projects or even if you have kids.

Some people believe that if the vanilla quicksand them that they have to start their Dominant submissive relationship all over OR that they are being vanilla.

Many people look at their lifestyle and just see the toilet overflowing, the stack of dishes, the pile of book bags and the laundry heaping up. They think we are not doing BDSM because of all that "vanilla stuff." Instead of looking at it that way, look at the foundation…the power exchange and see that the D/s is still there or it can still be there without BDSM. By no means are we saying to take out the BDSM or we don't "need" it. But make sure the foundation of the power exchange is there.

A big mistake I think that people make is separating D/s and non-D/s activities such as everyday vanilla life. They say, "Well our life is too vanilla" or "We were just so vanilla yesterday."

What I want you to think about Dominants, do you still have the desire to control and have the power in your relationship? When in a vanilla setting would your submissive obey a comment. I am not necessarily talking about telling your submissive strip down at a PTA Meeting, but how about being in a mall shopping and commanding her to try something on for you. Or just even stopping and telling her to kiss in the grocery store….seems like vanilla things, but it isn't if the power exchange in your foundation. So do you have the power and control in all situations - vanilla or not?

Submissives do you have the desire to serve and please even in vanilla situations? Do you defer to your Dominant in vanilla settings as well as private? Would you obey and serve in a vanilla setting?

Also do you have protocols or rituals that go beyond a private setting (more protocols and rituals in part 3). If you have protocols and rituals then you have those always too - no matter if in a dominant submissive setting or non-D/s setting.

Those things don't go away just because we are in a vanilla setting. They are a part of our power exchange so in essence a part of who we are always. So why separate non-D/s or vanilla activities and D/s activities because they are there all the time even if not overtly dominating or overtly submitting.

We read this and it just fit so well with what we are talking about that we had to include it. This quote was written by RebelGent, "The goal should be to incorporate your dominance and her submission seamlessly into your lifestyle. It should be intertwined so that just about anything you and your submissive or slave do together could be construed as Dominant submissive (D/s). In other words, don't complicate your lives by categorizing aspects and activities into "Dominant submissive activities" and "non-Dominant submissive activities."

Questions about our site or the Dominant submissive (D/s) Lifestyle? Click the ask live icon to chat live or leave a message with our site host. CJ isn't always available, but generally you can find Him here from about 8:30 - 11:00 pm Eastern time. Your questions about the site, the Asj community or just about the lifestyle in general are always welcome. If nothing else, take a moment and tell us what you think of this feature!

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