A submissives journey

OverOver the years, many myths have come about regarding the Dominant submissive (D/s) lifestyle. Some of these myths have been greatly exaggerated and even preached as outright "fact" by many involved in so called "role play" games commonly found on the internet today. When confronting one of these scenarios, or myths, recognize them for what they are. These are myths, nothing more.

Common myths about D/s:

Dominants are naturally cruel people.
Submissives are naturally weak-willed "doormats."
Submissives are attempting to re-live childhood abuse.
Women who are into D/s are nymphomaniacs, or indiscriminate sex partners.
D/s is usually a case of "role-reversal" with people who have much power and responsibility in real life often preferring a submissive role.

There is little or no factual evidence to support any of these concepts; submissives and dominants come from a broad spectrum of society and most people into BDSM are very selective about who they play with. Considering the risks, this is not surprising. The idea that submissive women are sexually indiscriminate likely stems from pornographic fiction and the appeal of an insatiable partner who will do anything one commands. In real life this is rarely the case.

Dr. Michael J. Bader, author of Arousal: The Secret Logic of Sexual Fantasies, writes: "It is quite common that children who were abused grow up and develop sexual fantasies loosely based on their abuse. ... The adult indulging in a fantasy of sexual surrender or abasement is actually saying to her or himself: 'I'm recreating a terrifying or traumatic scene, but this time I'm in control because I'm scripting the scene ...'"

The "role-reversal" myth likely stems from studies done in the 1950's which found that most of the clients in houses of domination were wealthy, powerful men. This is probably more due to the high fees charged in such houses (often $200-$5,000 a session) than a dearth of impoverished submissives. There are many poor submissives and wealthy dominants.

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