A submissives journey - Entering a D/s relationship

Teaching a submissive/slave is not an overnight task, nor is it a responsibility that should be taken lightly. Before you accept a girl to begin any type of training program, you must establish a definitive set of goals and expectations. Both of you must decide where you want and expect the relationship to go. As with any long-term relationship each of you needs to be aware of and understand each other’s expectations. As the Dominant, you have the primary responsibility to ensure both of your goals and expectations are fully compatible. If there is any hesitation or doubt your goals and expectations are not fully compatible, a training relationship, or for that matter, any type of D/s relationship should not be entered into.

Both the Dominant and the submissive/slave must be in full agreement as to what is expected from each other and from the relationship. Communication is the first step to establishing any relationship within this lifestyle. Communication is a two way process, it is both the Dominant and the submissive/slave expressing themselves to each other. It’s not one sided!

As part of this communication process, work together to establish your goals and expectations. Discuss, not direct, where or what both of you would like to see your relationship evolve to. What things are important to both of you in this relationship?

To help open this communication channel and to begin to understand the mutual goals to be established, I suggest using a checklist similar to the one shown below. Each of you should answer this checklist, then compare your answers. If you find your answers differ, discuss them. You’ll find that compromise may be in order, yes, even some on the Dominants part. If you can’t resolve your answers then I’d urge you to move on, the relationship is obviously not for you or her.

Clearly the submissive/slave, who is coming to you for training is not in a position to determine the finer points of the process. The Dominant must not allow himself to "barter" with the submissive/slave to such a degree that her authority ranks with his own. Assuming your relationship has already passed through the early stages (and it is my belief that it should have before slave training begins), your advantage is that you already know one another quite well -- so well, in fact, that the slave-to-be may have to be ordered to communicate honestly rather than provide you with answers she believes you want to hear.

General questions to answer individually and discuss.

What do I want from this relationship for myself?
What do I want from this relationship for my Master/slave?
Where do I see this relationship in five years? Ten years?
What am I ethically/morally incapable of doing (limits) to achieve these goals?

After comparing answers, discuss them until you come to mutually satisfactory answers for each. Then move on to more specific questions.

Rate the following in order of importance (1) being most important):

What are the most important qualities in a

Master?

Honesty ___
Decision Making Skills___
Trustworthiness ___
Consistency ___
Sexual Skill ___
Sense of Humor ___
Physical Characteristics ___
Authority & Control ___
Attention to Safety ___
Caring ___
Positive Self Image ___
Communication Skills___

What are the most important qualities in a

slave?

Honesty___
Loyalty ___
Sexual Skill___
Physical Attributes ___
Desire to Please ___
Communication Skills ___
Sense of Humor ___
Caring___
Trust in Master___
Adherence to Rules___
Obedience___
Positive Self Image___

Before comparing your answers, take the time to rate each item the way you believe your Master/slave will rate it. While its unlikely all your ratings will be the same, they needn't be. It is helpful to discuss why you chose your ratings. If you find that your ratings are completely different (for example, if the slave rates "physical attributes" with a 1, and you have it at the bottom of the list) you should discuss those things in detail. As the Dominant, you must be able to determine if disparity in beliefs is something that the two of you can overcome and still remain faithful to the tenets of a D/s relationship.

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