A submissives journey


Chapter 1
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Chapter 2
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Chapter 3
The Subbie's Couch


Chapter 4
The Dom's Lounge

Chapter 5

 The Library




Chapter 6




Chapter 7

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Chapter 8
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Chapter 9

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Chapter 10
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The Mindset of Safety

(underlying motivations)

By: SoftOwl (Victoria)

  “Tuesday June 6, 2000 1:28 PM ET

Internet 'Slavemaster' Linked to Kansas Murders

KANSAS CITY, Mo. (Reuters) - Law enforcement officials were searching for more bodies on Tuesday after identifying a Kansas man known on the Internet as the ``slavemaster'' as a suspect in the deaths of two women whose remains were found buried in 55-gallon drums over the weekend.  Law enforcement officials said they were not sure how many more bodies might be discovered, if any, but they were planning to drain a rural Kansas pond on Tuesday afternoon to look for more victims.”


When this story broke, the hearts of many people involved in Dominance, submission, Mastery and slavery broke as well.   Chat rooms were filled with discussion about this incident.  Emails were sent all over the net so as many people as possible would be informed.  Very heated debates ensued.  Debates about the safety of a “safe call.”  Debates about whether this incident was indicative of danger confined to BDSM and its many flavors.  Debates.   People were actually debating.

I can see only one reason for these heated debates.  The people who use the Internet exclusively to network a partner cannot allow themselves to face all of the dangerous things they have already done.  They also cannot face all the dangerous things they are planning to do next.. 

If we take the time to look at what motivates people to do what they do, we might uncover the “Mindset of Safety.”

Those of us who have children, teach them from a very young age NOT to go near strangers.  We try to impart this information without scaring them to death but hope we instill enough fear and self-empowerment to understand that the world is not necessarily a safe place.  We need them to be alert, not because we wish to make them feel that danger is lurking around every corner.   We need them to be alert so they can recognize potential danger and protect themselves.  It is also necessary to hammer home the ills of trying to be accepted by agreeing to use drugs.  Peer pressure is a very powerful motivator and drugs can ruin their lives.  So we push on, sometimes gently and sometimes not so gently.  Children do not inherently have a “mindset of safety.”  They view themselves as immortal. Their perception of safe behavior or safe situations is usually directly related to the number of people they know, who got away from any given bad situation.   Bad things always happen to “the other guy.”


    Did you know, the Asj Community hosts ‘Lifestyle Classes and Discussions’ here online every Sunday and Wednesday evening at 9:00 pm Eastern Time.  The Classes and Discussions are open to all and Free to attend.  Visit our Members Only Pages for more information, or click any of our “ask live” icons to ask for more information.


This article speaks to women.  Not because I am sexist.  Not because I am unaware that bad things can happen to men.  I speak to women as the higher incidence of abuse, murder and rape occurs with women.

The deaths in Kansas City got me to wondering and thinking a lot about how many women I have met in recent years who have gone to meet men in very non-public places.  These women are by no means stupid.  Some are professional, highly educated women who have children and handle loads of responsibility.  Something happens to them, something serious happens to them.   They sit at a computer and talk to hundreds, perhaps thousands of men.  They consider themselves slaves with no choices even before meeting these men.  They are enslaved by their thoughts and are unable to control themselves and their desires.  They have deep rooted obsessions with what they consider to be their own internal model of perfect Mastery and perfect slavery.

Women fly across the county and leave the airport of arrival holding a printed email containing their “instructions.”   They are already enslaved, have already submitted and are firmly entrenched in a relationship that hasn’t even occurred.  They take cabs to the private residences of “Master Wonderful.” Upon arriving, follow their email instructions to the letter by reaching under a mat for the key  to the door of a man they have never met.  They unlock the door and in the name of personal slavery, read more instructions, strip themselves naked and kneel in the hallway of a man they never met. Other women proceed in the same way and check into hotel rooms, strip themselves naked, blindfold themselves, kneel on the floor and await the arrival of a total stranger.

What causes women to do such things?     How many women do you know have done such things while asking you to be their “safe call” thousands of miles away? Who are these women? What are they thinking?

More often than not the women who fit this profile have never had a D/s or M/s relationship of any measurable duration, or have never had one at all.  They insist that being empowered on any level runs against the model of pure slavery held so dear to their hearts.  There is nothing more powerful than the perfection a mind can create in the face of desperation.  These women are driven to demonstrate submission or slavery without regard for their own safety.  Some have even said that controlling the parameters of a first meeting or exercising any form of personal empowerment would negate their submission and slavery altogether.  They feel that anyone who assumes control of their own actions isn’t “real” and they would rather risk their lives than be untrue to this fantasy driven model they have created.  

There is an interesting similarity between the profile of the “slavemaster” who murdered the women in Kansas and the mind set of the types of women who became their victims. The murderer was characterized as: quiet, a loner.    It has been reported that he attended some social functions like munches, but for the most part he didn’t stand out in a crowd.  There was no mention of him having friendships with anyone.  He isolated himself and planned to isolate whoever was ready and willing to be in his company. 

The women who meet people under very dangerous circumstances are usually also very quiet, loner types.  Their social circles are very small and usually consist of at least one other woman who feels that slavery starts immediately. They need someone to act as a mirror that reflects back to them the same fantasy they are trying to live. Occasionally there is  one   reality-based friend  in their social circle as well.   Those friends serve as the little voice on their shoulder that will NEVER be heard. Reality-based friendship with these women is extremely difficult and often filled with frustration and controversy every time she announces the next trip to see a stranger.  How many people do you know who are like that?  How many of you have tried to maintain friendships with these types of women?  How many of you have given up?  How many of you maintain the friendship in the hope that she will finally listen?  I can no longer associate myself with these women.  I refuse to be a safe call for something happening thousands of miles away. The stress involved in trying to convince them their behavior is skewed is just too big a price to pay for the maintenance of such friendships.

The “mindset of safety” resides in the childlike innocence and immortality I spoke of earlier.  These women have no desire to be beaten, abused or killed.   However, they have no capacity to stop putting themselves in situations where those things might occur.  They view the “edge of submitting to the unknown” so powerful, so in line with their ideal of unconditional slavery, nothing else matters.   The very thought of controlling every aspect of first meetings is truly abhorrent because the incredible fantasy they have woven will not withstand such reality based behavior.  It is not possible to be a slave and say, “no.”   Their “mindset of safety” is solely contained within their own psychology.  They speak of reliance on gut instinct because a “true slave” recognizes their “true Master” immediately. 

The whole thing comes together when a murderer spends enough time on the Internet to learn that these women not only exist, but upon hearing the right words, in the right context they WILLINGLY come to the place of their death.  Naked and desperate with wrists extended…to be shackled into immobility, they will come. They “need” this uncertainty, they are impulsive, desperate.   Serial killers are con men.  They can adapt vernacular and behaviors most suited to the people they find most vulnerable.  Who is more vulnerable than a woman convinced by her own thought patterns,  than one who has profound need and a great sense of accomplishment in immediate, unconditional slavery?

We cannot discount safe calls entirely.  There is widespread controversy about the use of safe calls.  A man need only wait until a call is made or received for HIM to feel safe enough to abuse or murder without interruption.  While I do not advocate the abandonment of safe calls, I do question their effectiveness when someone has traveled a great distance from the safe call.  Can safe calls be a deterrent?  I suppose so but only under circumstances where the man had no intent to harm in the first place.  Do people have such little control over themselves that a safe call is even necessary? I wouldn’t imagine someone needing a safe call in a crowded restaurant.  If the man has met a women with whom he intends to do harm no safe call in the world is going to stop him.  

A healthy and reality based “mindset of safety” may be present if:

Enormous amounts of detail about the man willingly offered and confirmed. Including full name, home and office addresses and phone numbers together with an open invitation to call those numbers at any time.

Meetings occur in very public places with both of them using their own transportation.

Many meetings would occur without any touching or physical behavior going on.

Meetings would include both friends of the man and friends of the woman in purely social settings.

The desire for a partner can be put aside long enough to get to know the person in question.

If submission and slavery can be put aside without regret so that NOTHING complicates or distracts from the process.

Men who insist that the most important aspect of a new relationship is the woman’s ability to call the shots, make the plans, decide where, when and how the meetings will occur can be considered “more safe.”  Not perfectly safe….but MORE safe.


Unhealthy or fantasy based “mindset of safety” may be present if:

The woman is more concerned with her slavery or submission than her own safety.

The woman is in an intellectual state of submission or slavery before a first meeting occurs.

The man who issues “instructions” and guilt’s her into thinking that she is not a submissive or a slave if she doesn’t follow those instructions.

The women is so needy, so desperate and so unempowered she CAN be easily guilted.

Insistence that initial meetings take place in the private residence of EITHER party.

Insistence that meetings take place in hotel rooms.

Insistence that meetings occur in secluded places. 

Insistence that meetings be constructed around a “frame” of “instructions.”  The most heinous of which are blindfolds, bondage, nudity and expectations of servitude based on planned physical activity.

Insistence that good friends who are deeply concerned for the health and well-being of their friend:  are wrong. 

Insistence that nobody understands the needs, wants and desires of the women more than the man who has captured her imagination over the Internet or the phone. 

Exclamations like, “I’ve found the man I will spend the rest of my live with!” BEFORE the man has been met.  


Authors Note: Upon completion of this article, I have learned that another man in Burbank, California has been arrested for luring women to him from the Internet and sexually assaulting them.  He has posed as a professional baseball player and has also targeted women who are affiliated with the submissive lifestyle. 

Blind submission and slavery to an unknown entity is just that: BLIND.  There is absolutely no reason to trust someone blindly in order to have a submissive need met.  If you are reading this and are of the opinion that your submission or slavery actually hinges on blind faith and blind trust, please turn off your computer and take a good, long hard look at yourself, what you are doing and why.  There is NO element of slavery that identifies with immediate and unconditional surrender.   None.  There are a great many people out there who identify with and live under the D/s or M/s dynamic who do not understand one bit of blind, immediate slavery or surrender.  

Enjoy your fantasies, in the safety and protection of your own home and leave them there when you venture out to meet someone new.  There is no room for fantasy until your safety is confirmed, over and over again.  Only YOU can control your own safety.  

(posted with permission of the author)


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Revised: March 10, 2013