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A submissives journey - Dominant Vs. Mentor

Dominant Vs. Mentor

 

We all see the endless scuttling of name changes to profiles. You meet someone one day and bingo the next day the words "My Dom...., My Sir...." or whatever appears in the profile. What does becoming someone's Dominant mean? Well apparently to some not much, but to others it is a sacred thing: A title of honor and commitment to one individual.

Everyone talks about the fantasy that is the Internet. A place to become whatever and whomever you want to be. This fantasy is perpetuated by the endless panacea of mindless Doms and Subs online who channel their devotion, trust, love and respect to someone new on an almost daily basis.

A Dom does not lend his name to anyone unless they have that commitment and are trying to build a lasting relationship with an individual. It's not something you toss around because you decide to become a teacher or mentor. Not something you give because it is asked of you. It is something that is earned just as s submissives submission is earned.

Someone who gives his name as a Dom cannot be a mentor or teacher because the emotions are not clear and distinct. A true Dom must separate himself from his student just as in real life. If a mentor or teacher were to become emotionally and physically involved with his student in real time not only would he probably lose his job, but also lose respect and the same applies in this community of D/S.

A mentor/teacher has to remain detached, so that his emotions do not interfere with the guidance he is giving and the lessons he is teaching. He has to objectively be able to show the submissive the information presented and let her find her way with that information and his advice always at hand.

He answers questions, finds information, sometimes even talks to perspective Dom's on the submissives behalf, but he never plays with her, never uses her sexually in any manner.

This is what being a mentor/teacher is all about and what being a Dom is about, control. Once a mentor/teacher crosses over that line he loses respect and the ability to honestly teach someone. When he crosses over that line he becomes a man with hormones that become his guiding force, not his mind as it should be.

Becoming someone's Dom takes time, its not a 3 or 4 day affair, its getting to know the submissive as a person, friend, then lover and submissive. Online and in real time we as submissives are not weak. We don't need your name as a symbol. We can protect ourselves and care for ourselves. We need and want your names as a sign of love, trust, honor and respect which takes more then a few days to construct.

We as submissives want to learn from you because you are strong and not weak, emotionally or hormonally. We want to also teach you what it means to be on this side of the fence. If we take the journey with you as our mentor/teacher, we take it because we crave to learn and build our knowledge.

You as Doms have our emotions in the palm of your hands, as our mentor/teachers, you can mold that to help us become move knowledgeable and better able to protect us from the wannabe's out there or you can abuse it by using it to fulfill your own needs.

The choice is yours. A submissive who comes to someone wanting to learn is very vulnerable to her mentor/teacher. She is usually new in the life and looks up with respect to the person she has found who will give her the time and energy to show her things she has only dreamt of before.

Hold us carefully in your hands like a fragile but strong flower. Water us, nurture us, but let us grow and let us go for that is what a true Mentor/teacher does.

NOTE:  You might also want to view the article here on the Asj site entitled "What is a Mentor."   Although the duties of a Mentor and Teacher may overlap, they aren't really quite the same.  Yes, you will find many that find one person to fill the role of Mentor and Teacher, and this is perfectly acceptable to, but not a requirement.  Just remember, a Mentor, doesn't always have to be a Teacher.

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