A submissives journey

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Chapter 1
The Asj Community



Chapter 2
Resource Information 





Chapter 3




Chapter 4
The Dom's Lounge



Chapter 5








Chapter 6





Chapter 7








Chapter 8

share their thoughts





Chapter 9








Chapter 10

 Site Index




Chapter 11

Book Store




Chapter 12
Recommended Reading List




Chapter 13
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Do You Have A Dominant Partner?


There are two types of relationships today as I see it. First is the most commonly recognized and socially accepted. The second is the oldest and most widely misunderstood, and even sometimes frowned on by society.

First and probably most commonly accepted today is the 'vanilla' relationship. This type of relationship is based on an equal distribution of responsibility and control over the day to day life of each partner. Maybe both partners work outside the home, maybe one is a stay at home mom or dad. But in any case they each share equally in decisions that affect the security and tranquility of the relationship.

Second is the dominant/submissive relationship, commonly referred to as a D/s relationship. In this type of relationship one partner has visibly more control in the relationship than the other. There are no guidelines that I know of that earmarks whether it's the female partner or the male partner that takes on this role. Just like the vanilla relationship both partners may work outside the home or one may be a stay at home mom or dad.

Although today's society has conditioned us to believe that a 'vanilla' relationship is a healthier relationship than a dominant/submissive one, there are literally hundreds of thousands of people that would disagree with this concept. I live in a dominant/submissive lifestyle with my husband of many years and I believe our relationship is equally as strong if not stronger than the best marriage of 50 years. Many of my friends frowned on our choice of roles in the relationship when they first met us, only to accept and agree in most cases that the definitive separation of roles in our relationship not only have strengthened our lives but they are in most cases almost envious of the security and happiness we both share.

Consider history. In biblical times it was accepted and expected that both partners would have very specific roles. Typically the women had the responsibility for the home and children while the men were the 'hunter/gatherers'. It has been the norm throughout history for women to be relegated to a subordinated position with their relationships. Even today many countries believe this to be the only way of life. The comical thing is that up until the 20th century and even well into the 20th century, 'Dominant submissive' lifestyles were the norm instead of the exception. Back when the divorce rates were lower, children were taught the meaning of respect and honestly and even religion was at the center of a families core values. Hmm makes you think doesn't it?

Today in contrast to the past, it is expected of partners to share equally in the roles of hunter gatherer, cook, maid, child rearer etc. Given the state of the world today, highest crimes rates in all history, an almost complete disregard for teaching children the values of respecting others and honesty, I must question if society has helped or hindered relationships as a whole. I'm sure many will read this and think I'm completely nuts, but it is my opinion.


Did you know, the Asj Community hosts ‘Dominant submissive and BDSM Lifestyle Classes and Discussions’ here online every Sunday evening at 9:00 pm Eastern Time.  The Classes and Discussions are open to all and Free to attend.  Visit our Members Only Pages for more information, or click any of our “Member/Visitor Support” icons to ask for more information.

I think the funniest thing about today's relationships is that many if not most relationships mirror the traditional lifestyle and there is an unspoken separation of roles and responsibilities. These people that live in these relationships are afraid I believe, and possibly almost embarrassed to admit how comfortable they are living in a semi-traditional lifestyle. It is so much easier to put on a false face for the outsiders to avoid being criticized for their lifestyle choice. It takes strong people with strong convictions to accept a traditional lifestyle and make it work. If more people would accept the obvious advantages to it I think the world could become a better place. But again, that's just my humble opinion.

Consider the following and then ask yourself; "could I be one of those living in the closet"? You might find that some of the qualities I've listed below apply to you or your partner and if that is the case, maybe you will pause the next time you feel it necessary to be critical of how others choose to live.

1. A Dominant is one who has the understanding that he or she is not perfect (sorry guys, even you)

2. A Dominant has taken the time to accept his or her flaws as an individual, has come to terms with them, and determined how best to control and deal with them effectively.

3. Dominant partners realize that the proof of their dominance doesn't come from the person who might call them the boss, but from within themselves. This is proven out to them by way of their personalities, ethics, standards and values.

4. A dominant partner accepts that they have the responsibility to themselves to inform as well as possible all things regarding the wide range of issues that come with living a traditional lifestyle. They always take the time to consider their own needs as well as the needs of their partners and they are capable of clearly expressing those needs to their submissive partner.

5. Life experiences teaches a dominant the importance of trust and respect in any relationship. They recognize this and understand that their partners cannot submit and give control to them unless they have the character that makes the worthy of this trust and respect.

6. A dominant partner always understand that before they can expect a submissive partner to give over control of their lives that the dominant partner must have total control over their own lives first.

7. A Dominant will understand that words such as integrity, character, honesty, fairness and consistency represent concepts that are apparent throughout all areas of a Dominant's life. They are not mere words to be used and applied selectively when they may be to your advantage. Not only are those words representative of the character of the person, they are hallmarks of the character of a Dominant person.

Think about these qualities and ask yourself. Do these things sound familiar? If they do then you might be one of those living in the closet, or at least you might find you have the basic building blocks to build a relationship that can withstand almost anything life can throw at you. Next time you hear someone say "we live a traditional lifestyle" stop and think before being critical. You will be a better person for it.


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Revised: November 05, 2016