A submissives journey - What is and what makes a D/s relationship

A submissives journey

Chapter 1
The Asj

Community

Chapter 2
Resource Information

Chapter 3
Subbie's

Couch

Chapter 4
The Dom's Lounge

Chapter 5

The Library

Chapter 6
BDSM

Chapter 7

Useful Links

Chapter 8
Members

share their

thoughts

Chapter 9

Members

Only

Chapter 10
Asj's

Site Index

Chapter 11
Asj's

Online Store

Chapter 12
Recommended Reading List

What is, and What Makes,

a Dominant submissive Relationship?

D/s is like any other relationship

between two people. It requires work,

tolerance, trust and nurture on both

parts.

Contrary to wide belief, just because

one partner is Dominant and the other

submissive, does not mean the

everything in the relationship should be

determined by the Dominant. It is a

partnership that needs a lot of careful

thought by both parties.

That isn't to say that once the

relationship has been established, it

can't be decided that the Dominant will

make all the decisions. If that is what

both parties have agreed to, it cannot

be considered wrong - as long as the

Dominant agree to never act selfishly

or at the expense of the sub. At the

other extreme, it may be decided that

any issues that arise be agreed by both,

before any action is taken.

We are all different. A D/s

relationship is as unique as the people

involved and there are no right and

wrong ways to live the lifestyle, so

long as the relationship is safe, sane

and consensual: for BOTH parties

and in all ways.

Making it work

What sort of relationship does
each of you want?

It is important for you both to look

at your needs and expectations. There

is no point in rushing into a

relationship of any kind, only to find

that you both want different things.

Some key issues:

Are you compatible?
In what ways do your
submissive/Dominant natures express
themselves?
Will the submissive accept
punishment, and under what
circumstances?

What sort of punishment is
acceptable to both of you?
Are you looking for someone as
your life partner?
Are you just looking to meet
occasionally to 'play'?
Do either of you have other
partners?

Some things to talk about:

Acceptability/existence of other
relationships (past or present)
Each person's D/s experiences
Each person's fantasies and fetishes
(this provides an excellent indicator
of your compatibility)
Each person's life story (you need
to understand each other's
motivations, hang-ups and personal
pleasures)
What to tell any children about the
relationship
Public and private behavior/dress;
safety arrangements

You will need to discuss what behavior

from each of you is acceptable. It is

not simply a matter of the Dom/me

laying down the law and telling the sub

how they must be - what they want

from the relationship must be right for

both parties, if either one is going to

be happy.

Does the Dom/me simply wish to be

the leader in the relationship - the

decision maker, bread winner, whatever;

or do they also want to explore your

roles through sexual play? Are you

both romantic? Is the Dom/me

sadistic? Do they simply want a

plaything to 'decorate' their home, in a

similar way to a 'trophy wife', or do

they want their sub to be a full partner

in their life? Will they ban the sub

from going out to work, and could he

or she cope with that?

Some people even go to the extent of

getting each other to fill in

questionnaires: if it works for you, go

for it!

A sub must be prepared to let a

prospective Dom/me know those types

of behavior that are unacceptable to

them. Doing this can be quite a

challenge. If you are not an assertive

person, watch out for your new partner

taking advantage of the fact. A good

Dom/me will be sensitive to it, of

course, and will find ways to enable

you to express yourself.

Contracts:
Many D/s couples agree upon a
contract which sets out their ground
rules. You may decide that this is right
for your relationship. Then again, you
may feel that not having a contract
creates a pressure to communicate more
effectively, or is more romantic. If you agree to have a contract, make
sure that each of you understands and
agrees to everything in it. Subs should
never agree to one that is imposed and,
for God's sake, never ever agree to
one of those awful ones that can be
purchased at fetish fairs and the like.
They are only good for lighting fires
and wiping your bum! Remember that no D/s 'contract' will
be upheld in a United Kingdom court.
They are merely there as a way of
expressing your commitment, and as a
tool for managing your relationship. Discussing all of the things that we
have talked about here, will help you to
get to know each other, and your
needs, and to decide whether or not to
enter into a relationship. You may be
incompatible. We hope that it will be a
match made in Heaven, but realistically
you will both need to be willing to
compromise.

(Author unknown, if you are the author, or know who the author may be, please contact Me so that appropriate acknowledgements can be made)

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