What is in a title?

The other day a brief discussion was brought up in the chat room about what a sub calls her Dom and i thought it would be interesting to explore this topic a little further. These are my thoughts on the matter.

First let’s look at the titles society calls females: Miss, Ms and Mrs. The meanings of these titles are fairly simple: Miss = an unmarried woman; Ms = a divorced woman; Mrs = a married woman. However, in recent years it has become more difficult to figure out the difference based on these titles because so many women choose to use Ms rather than Miss or Mrs. i suppose we could blame women’s lib on that or perhaps the trends of society, either way it can get confusing when trying to tell the difference. Further, many married women have chosen to keep their maiden names or have added a hyphen between their names and their husbands’. Perhaps this trend is due to a woman’s fear of losing her identity or her ties to her family or it could be that women’s lib thing again. But who can judge her, it is after all a personal choice on what title she wishes to be known as, right? Those women who have Doms have titles or names that their Doms call them such as pet, little one, little girl, sweet one, angel etc., and although the ultimate choice of the title is the Dom’s, the sub/slave does have some input. For example, on a personal level, i don’t like being called princess or angel nor do i like being called slut or bitch or other titles i consider demeaning and derogatory; therefore LC does not use those titles on me. He knows i find them upsetting so He takes my feelings into consideration and chooses not to use them. As for Dommes, many prefer calling themselves Mistress or Madam and i’m sure there are many other titles i have yet to encounter. All of these titles for females simply refer back to a woman, a woman with or without power, a dominant or submissive, or a woman somewhere in between. Whatever they call themselves, it is a choice and not always a choice that others agree with.

Now, let’s look at the titles for men. Most men have Mr before their names. (Let’s not bother with Dr or Rev because many women have earned those titles too). Also men are addressed as sir particularly when we don’t know his name which is the same concept when we call an unknown older woman ma’am and a younger woman miss. A man is also called Sir in the military by his subordinates just as a female is called Ma’am. So not much confusion there. But how about Doms? Can’t that get a little sticky at times? Few subs have problems of referring to a Dom as Sir especially if He is someone we know well and we choose to call Him Sir out of respect, like i do with CJ. He has earned my respect, therefore i have no issue with calling him Sir. However if it was with a Dom i didn’t respect or a Dom i did not know, it is unlikely i will call Him Sir. So it is safe to say there is little controversy over this title for most people. But what about the title of Master? Is simply being a Dom worthy of being called "master"? Is it enough that He has authority over another or does He need to be proficient and skilled as a Dom before being called a Master? For example: i have a master’s degree in education and i am also a Reiki Master. i have these titles because i earned them, i had instructors, i had to study, become proficient and skilled before i had the right to be called a master in education and a Reiki Master. Those titles were not handed to me, i had to work hard to get them. Another example: LC and his son are learning Tae Kwon Do. Their instructor is referred to as Master Glen. He is a master because he has earned that title by "mastering" his craft so he can teach. Can LC be called a master in Tae Kwon Do simply because he is learning. i think we all know what Master Glen’s answer would be to that. So knowing that to become a master of something, he/she must be proficient or skilled in that something and earn the title of "master", should just any Dom be titled Master or should perhaps he have earned that right? Hmm, something to think about. i call LC "my Lord". It doesn’t have any religious connotations. He uses the title "my Lord" because he is interested in medieval history and because it simply means He is Lord of His home - like King of His castle. i stop short at calling Him "Your Majesty" that’s a bit much for me. He does not like to be called Master because He feels the term is over used and because He feels He has still a lot to learn as a Dom and because He simply doesn’t like the term. Personal choice. Is it all as simple as personal choice?

Finally, let’s look at the online names we have given ourselves. My husband is Lord Canuck. We already know about the Lord part - He likes medieval stuff and He’s Lord of His home. Canuck is another term for Canadian and He is Canadian. It is also a name of a hockey team and He loves hockey. So wouldn’t you say the title He gave Himself tells us a little about His identity, his personality? i called myself traceoffyre. i’m very stubborn about keeping it to. In the past, Doms have tried to make me change it - i won’t because it is my identity - what i choose to call myself. The title/name traceoffyre is indicative of my personality - there is a trace of fire in it. Once again, personal choice.

So what is in the titles or names that we give ourselves? Are they a reflection of our identities/personalities, something we earned, something given to us or are they simply tradition or maybe a combination?

Just a little food for thought.

trace