Punishment within the Dominant submissive or BDSM lifestyle seems to be a topic that no one wants to talk about.  When do you punish or how?  How do you show your submissive that punishment is over and you are no longer mad at the action and the submissive?

 

Seems to me relationships are often won or lost over punishments.  I feel you should punish the same way each time and keep it consistent to with the subject of what was done wrong.  Let her know what she did wrong and the punishment is a result of her action.  Remember keep the punishment to only the subject of the current reprimand   - don't be throwing in what she did from the past.

 

I use a belt, and its the same belt every time.  With this in mind, if that belt comes out the submissive knows its for punishment and there is no question of it.  Punishment is not only a physical action, but should involve her mental attitude. Deep down inside  the submissives soul they don't really want to be punished.  As for My submissive, just  seeing the belt makes her shiver knowing, "Yes I was bad  and I am being punished".

 

I don't just start whacking, we first discuss why she is being punished.  Whether she respects it or not that is up to her, but she will know why she is being punished, for how long and that I do care but I don't like the action.

 

Does the Dom/me take his/her anger out on the sub?  NO! Sometimes I will wait up to 2 hours before punishment.  A Friend of Mine has a one night a week set a side for review and punishment.  After punishment I always comfort the submissive to make sure she knows the punishment is over and I am no longer mad at her action. There is one thing that I have learned and agree with, you shouldn't have Sex before punishment this makes the punishment very confusing to a submissive. Having sex with your submissive then punishing her for other unrelated actions gives the submissive an unclear signal to the behavior.  Sex should not be used as punishment.  The submissive is unable to respect the punishment and not learning from it then you have problems.

 

How severe should the punishment be?  In my opinion, you don't punish and than take your collar away. You can do one or the other depending on the severity of the transgression.  It's one thing to punish and another to scar the submissive mentally.  Remember you are correcting an action, not out to destroy your property.  Communication is very important in any relationship. Talk to your submissive, let your submissive know your feelings as well as letting her to you about her feelings.  Punishment may be done in many different ways so don't copy after someone else.  Each girl is different and may react to different punishments quite differently than another girl.

 

Explore your feelings and the feelings of the submissive. It's  nice to have a relationship that you're able to keep and cherish.  Keeping that relationship healthy and lasting is the long haul challenge and the goal.

 

 

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