A submissives journey - Slave Etiquitte and Respect (Gorean (Gor))

This girl has been asked to write an article on "Slave Etiquette and Respect". In order to do this effectively, she is going to get down to the bare bones and be as candid as possible.

As she gave this some thought, it occurred to her that before any girl can claim that she adheres to pleasant slave etiquette, claim that she treats others with respect and hopes to receive respect from other girls - she must first like what she sees when she looks in the mirror.

It's so easy to present a facade, to wear a mask, hiding our true selves, (sometimes even from ourselves) especially in an online forum - but ultimately, when we look into our own eyes what do we see? Can we honestly say that we see a girl who strives with all her being, at all times to be pleasing to the free, one who endeavors to be helpful to other kajirae, one who fully realizes her place in the natural order as she presents questions and offers advice?

Or conversely, does she perhaps have an ulterior motive, using the online forums for a private agenda? Is she all sugar and spice in the presence of the free, then nothing but a she-sleen in private, gossiping and "getting the goods" on other girls?

What are her motives for having a presence on the various boards and mailing lists? Is she trying to participate and learn, or does she simply want everyone to hear the way she believes things should be - her view of slavery and Gor? Does she believe she still has much to learn or does she think she already knows it all? When she responds, does she write with a modicum of humility or does she simply ride rough shod over the words of another slave, belittling and caring little whether the girl benefits from her response as long as her own words look good to the free?

Awareness of our Place.

It seems such an easy thing to remember when we’re in the immediate presence of the free, so why does that awareness sometimes disappear simply because the free are absent? This girl would speculate that slaves who fall into this mold are those that respond mainly to domination rather than behave as the kind of slave who has an innate desire to be found pleasing at all costs. They do not have the capacity to think for themselves in a manner that is not only pleasing to free people but in a manner that would be respected by other slaves.

There is much joking about the "slave vine", and how rapidly gossip can spread. Does that speak well of us? This girl doesn't believe so at all. Gossip has, does, and always will bring a great deal of sadness and sometimes pain to those that are involved. It has a way of devolving into untruths that can damage people and reputations. So why involve yourself in such activity, either actively or passively? Why involve yourself in any activity at all that free people would find displeasing? Do we really need to be supervised and micro-managed - told to keep away from such things?

Whether you have acknowledged it or not, a hierarchy establishes itself among the slaves. Call it a clique; call it the elite; the more experienced; or the "offline" girls (looking down their noses with disdain on the "online only" girls), call them the dancers; or the girls owned by channel Ops… whatever. It’s a sad phenomenon that for girls who are supposed to not only realize but also accept and embrace their non-status, they can’t wait to prove that they are in fact better in various ways than other girls.

Focus.

Where is a girl’s focus if she is constantly concerned with her place in the scheme of things? On the free? This girl doesn’t believe so. She is consumed with herself, the way she appears to others, and ego driven.

Have you ever truly noticed a girl whose entire focus is on being pleasing? Have you ever watched other girls watching her?

Two things typically happen here. We have perception versus reality -

Perception:

The girl is labeled by other slaves as a "goody two shoes" .. or a "suck up", always trying to show the free how good she is.

Reality:

The girl is focused, she wants and needs to serve, she wants and needs to please, she doesn’t notice the barbs and snide comments aimed her way by other slaves precisely because she is focused on the free.

Perception: The other slaves feel justified in their comments and behavior .. after all .. the other girl is the one trying to prove she's better than the rest!

Reality: If she does happen to briefly notice the comments, she turns her attention once again to pleasing the free, her belly guides her away from any pain brought by their spiteful comments to the fulfillment that only serving the free can bring her.

It can become a vicious circle where the girl tries harder and harder to please, but the more she tries, the more her peers look down upon her for her "martyrdom". It can be a lonely place for a girl.

This girl is not saying that this is the norm for slaves’ behavior .. but it does exist, and it is not infrequent. Why can’t some girls just take a step back and examine themselves, their thoughts, their motives and their bellies? That’s where the real answers lie in how to obtain respect from other slaves, that’s where a girl may learn how to behave in a manner pleasing to the free. The answers really are inside us, not criticizing and gossiping about other slaves.

Online Etiquette.

The basics as she sees them:

Never ever assume you can participate in a discussion with men. Don’t offer the disclaimer (or similar): "a girl wasn’t sure if it was her place comment and offer a humble opinion but she will and begs forgiveness in advance if she’s erred".

Our place is not in the discussions of men, unless slave comments and opinions are expressly invited. If they are, then understand that it’s a privilege that’s been extended to you. That privilege can just as easily be taken from you.

When greeting a mixed forum, a girl should greet the men first, then the free women, and lastly the slaves.

Right way:

Greetings Masters,
Greetings Mistresses,
Greetings girls/slaves/whatever

Wrong way:

"Greetings Masters, Mistresses, girls"

There are of course acceptable variations on the greetings, but the main thing is not to be lazy and possibly cause the men to feel as if you're trying to herd them in with the women and slaves.

The BDSM grammar convention of capitalizing all pronouns pertaining to a free person, or using "A/all", "E/everyone", "O/our" etc., is vehemently disliked by Goreans. They value a girl paying attention to detail, a girl who strives to make her writing pleasing to the eye (easy to read) and uses good grammar, far above false and superficial respect.

Tone: Be ever aware of the tone of your posts - and not only when addressing the free. Try to remember that although you might not be specifically addressing free people in your post, they are often still reading what you have to say. Your tone toward another girl may be seen as displeasing behavior - not in defense of the other girl but simply because the way you say something is ugly in its intent. There are many pleasing ways to get your point across without demeaning another girl in the process.

Mood: Your mood can cut through ice and be obvious to people 10,000 miles away in the way you write. Be careful of choosing the right time to respond to posts. Wait till your anger has dissipated, your perceived need to be sarcastic has totally vanished and frustration has been controlled. An angry, sarcastic, frustrated post isn't a pleasure for anyone to read and speaks badly of the writer. Furthermore, people tend to focus on the negative aspects of the post (sarcasm etc.) rather than absorb and understand the point you're attempting (badly) to make.

Intent: What is the reason for your post? Examine it. Are you seeking information? Attempting to provide a possible solution to a problem? Sharing personal thoughts? Providing support?

Or do you plan on telling another slave off for her behavior? Are you hell bent on exposing (someone you believe to be) a liar? Pronouncing judgment on someone for the way they choose to run their lives?

Which things do you really believe a free person would find pleasing to read?

Relevance: Is what you're writing about relevant to the forum you're addressing? For example; there's no point in passing comment about online collarings if the forum is dedicated only to offline Goreans and their lifestyle.

If a discussion looks like it's going to deteriorate into a catfight. Have enough foresight to back off and desist. Don't let your focus on being pleasing be overridden by your need to prove yourself right at all costs. If you absolutely cannot let the matter drop, then at least take the situation OFF the forum - well before hand to a more private venue.

Personality conflict: Be aware that a personality conflict can arise in a discussion, which can blur all the possible good things being said by both sides. Example: One girl may find that her owner is pleased by her being bright, happy, outgoing, mischievous, humorous and animated. Another girl's owner may find her pleasing because she is exactly the opposite; calm, shy, placid and more of a quiet conversationalist.

These two girls may have completely different takes on various topics and it might be that neither is wrong .. just different. But still, tempers can flare simply because each one doesn't see things in exactly the same way as the other. Learn tolerance, and to allow room in your understanding to see what the other person is saying. Don't just have the dogmatic view that she's not agreeing with you and take offence.

Ok, so we've dealt with forums. What of chat programs exist out there?

The majority of chat programs incorporating Gor are not dedicated to discussion, but to some kind of online elucidation of our offline lives that requires a degree of initiative and creativity.

A girl might spend days and days creating the perfect online dance. Perhaps online dancing is the best way she can express herself and her belly to the men with whom she comes in contact. She pours all of herself into this beautiful creation of words - only to stumble into a channel as another girl performs the dance she wrote or she happens to see it recreated on some obscure website.

While it may not be such a big deal to some, to others, it can be devastating. It's like being violated, like having something literally stolen from inside you, and it’s dishonest and misrepresentation of the girl who takes it and claims it as her own. The same scenario can apply to online serves, and we all know just how often they have been and still are plagiarized.

The need for showing respect and employing good etiquette in all that we do is essential when dealing with the free, why should it be any less so when dealing with one another? Why should there be any difference dependent upon whether we are in public or private?

As surrendered slave girls we’re supposed to be completely open - totally and helplessly exposed in thought and deed. How can this be true if girls don one mask for the free and only show their true selves when the free are absent? How can girls build the foundation of their slavery upon hypocrisy and dishonesty?

Last of all - remember that if your only motivation for writing to the various forums is to be noticed by the free, you may very well be noticed… and that may… or may not be a good thing.

Your motivation for these activities should come from an inner need to explore and learn more of your slavery and a desire to help others .. not for any aesthetic self-serving reasons.

Remember too, that for every nugget of wisdom you feel you impart to others .. there is always someone else from whom you can learn.

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