A submissives journey








Chapter 1
The Asj Community


Chapter 2
Resource Information 




Chapter 3
Subbie's Couch



Chapter 4
The Dom's Lounge


Chapter 5

 The Library





Chapter 6




Chapter 7

 Useful Links





Chapter 8
Members share their thoughts




Chapter 9

 Members Only





Chapter 10
Asj's Site Index




Chapter 11
Asj's Online Store




Chapter 12
Recommended Reading List




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 So you want to be a slave:

the Realities


 I decided to write this article because I have seen so many submissives come into  the lifestyle expecting everything to be dream-like and perfect. I don't wish to ruin  anyone's dreams, or turn them from the activity, but what I wish to do is to explain  how things really are. Being a slave can be, and is for me, a wonderful life. It's    everything I wanted it to be. It is also more than I ever expected, and had someone  explained the realities to me prior to my decision, it would have made my transition   so much easier. For the purpose of this article, I am addressing issues related to   being a 24/7 slave. These comments are from my viewpoint, which is that of a   female slave with a male Master. By no means do I wish to exclude Domme's or   male slaves. For them, I cannot comment from personal experience. This is just my view from a real-time experience.


First, there are a few things you need to discover for and about yourself. Do you 

wish to be in this type relationship 24/7? Perhaps you only wish to be in it during  the scenes. Maybe you want to role-play at only during certain times. There are  many ways this activity can be done, but you have to figure out what is right for you.


Second, you need to learn to be honest with yourself. Figure out what you will and  will not do, and what is a "maybe". Search inside yourself for what you really want,  and when you find it, be honest to anyone you talk to. Don't agree to something  long-term that you know you will not be able accomplish. Ask yourself some hard  questions. The rest of this article will give you aspects to contemplate so you can  base your decisions on reality, and not someone else's dreams of how it should be.


Are you prepared to surrender 100% control of your life to someone else? 24/7 

slaves do this. Role-playing would mean entering into this relationship only for the  time agreed upon that the Master would have the total control. Once the scene is  over, everything returns to normal.




    Did you know, the Asj Community hosts ‘Lifestyle Classes and Discussions’ here online several times a week.  The Classes and Discussions are open to all and Free to attend.  Visit our Members Only Pages for more information, or click any of our “ask live” icons to ask for more information.



Do  you enjoy country  music?  Maybe you  love Rock and Roll.  Consider this. The  Master who's collar you will eventually wear, may only like classical or another type  of music that you don't enjoy. Are you prepared to give up those selections and only listen to His music? This type sacrifice can apply to many other things you currently enjoy.  For myself,  I  love old  love songs of  any type, and  my Master is into Hard Rock. Because of  His preferences, I rarely get  to listen to  my songs.  But, when I am a  good  girl, at times, He does permit  me to  listen to  my choice  of music, as long  as  I  get  my  assigned tasks and  chores  done.  Note, I said, "permitted to".  Something  as simple  as listening  to  the radio is a reward  for me. It is not a given that you will be permitted to enjoy even this little pleasure whenever you wish. These limitations  can  apply  to  many  areas  of  your life  such as TV,  choices of food or friends,  just about anywhere anything!  Is there  a  certain style of clothes you love?  Certain  colors and scents  you wouldn't be caught  without?  If your  Master doesn't approve of them, you  may be wearing  a totally  different style with colors you never would have dreamed of. He may lay your clothes out for you every morning. Are you prepared to abide  happily by His choices?  If He asked  you to wear something very skimpy  to  someplace  simple  like the  grocery  store,  could  you do  this  without hesitation?  I am lucky in  the fact that my Master  lets  me chose  my  own clothes most of the time.  But  at  anytime,  should  He decide  that  He  wants me  to wear something else, I am to change immediately. Trust me, He does exercise this right.  I have learned  to always  ask  Him  what He  would like  me  to wear if we are going someplace special.


Are you prepared  to change your hairstyle, length, or color to please your Master?  All of these will  belong to  Him once you accept  your  collar  as will everything else that once belonged to you. You will no longer own anything. From the time you take His collar, everything will be His. It will no longer be "your" car or "your" clothes, but "His",  on  loan to  you  as He  sees fit.  If  He  should so choose,  you  will  not  be permitted to wear  clothes at all.  This will be His choice, not yours. Remember, you will have given up all rights to make these choices for yourself.


You have a favorite chair,  or a  certain  way you like to sit or walk? Your Master will decide whether you  sit on furniture or on the floor. He will have the say if you are to cross your legs, or sit  with them spread wide-open. You will have to ask permission to even climb into bed, or  sit on a chair.  Most  slaves are allowed  a cushion on the floor that they do not need  permission to sit upon, but  very little else. You will even need permission to eat at the table with your Master.


It's been a long hard day at work. You get home and want nothing more than to 

relax in a tub and go to bed early. Well, you won't be able to. Being tired, ill, or just  in a bad mood does not excuse you from your required tasks. You are still required  to do them: prepare His meal, and go to bed when He tells you to. Retiring for bed  usually occurs at a set time, even if you are not ready to go. There will not be an "I  am too tired" or "I don't feel well": nothing of the kind. Unless your Master has  excused you from your tasks and chores, you will remain responsible for making  sure His needs and wants are filled: no matter what. It is your job to inform your  Master of your physical health status. One of your main jobs will be to take care of  and protect, His possessions. You being are the most prized one He owns. As long  as you let your Master know how you are feeling, He will make sure that your tasks  will be appropriate to your capabilities.


Many come into this lifestyle looking to be used sexually, to service their Master at  His whim. They never consider other aspects. The main part of being a slave is to  be of service to your Master, and not to be serviced for yourself. However, being  readily available to Him at all times is also an unspoken expectation. The old  excuse "not tonight  dear,  I  have a  headache"  doesn't  work  in a D/s

 relationship.  In order  to provide Him pleasure, you must also express to Him the   pleasure of the moment for you as  well.  Never make  your  Master feel  this is a chore to you: something you would rather not do, but will only because you have to. If your Master tells you to do something, it will not be up to you to question Him. You will be required to respond with no questions  asked.  At a later time  (if this is permitted  in your  relationship),  you may ask Him for permission to speak on an equal level. If He gives permission, this will be your opportunity to ask your questions. However, it is important to ask in a way  so  as  not  to  question  His  authority,  but at the same time to satisfy your curiosity.


Do you feel being a slave is to be coerced: forced into servitude? Do you think you  couldn't  do  this  unless  you  were?   Then  think again.   Slaves  enter  into  this  relationship of their own free will. This is not the day of forced slavery; it is a matter  of choice. Yours!  You are the  one who  will  decide to  give over your power to your Master.  You will be doing this,  not because  you are forced to obey,  but  because you need to. Yes, during the course of your  relationship there will be times you will be forced to do something, but it will never be something that goes against who you are. Your Master may feel obeying this command will help you to grow into the best person you can be, or will help you break out of an inhibition you have.


How is your temper? Are you quick to fly off-of-the-handle when you are upset? Or  are  you  laid  back,  accepting  anything  and  everything, and  then go off  to  sulk  because  your feelings were hurt?  A Master  does not  wish to have a doormat for a slave nor does He desire to be told how things should be. Learning when and how to say  things will  become very  important in  your relationship.  If you do not tell your Master  when  something is  bothering you,  then  you  have  no right whatsoever to become upset. However wonderful and  omnipotent He may seem, He is not a mind reader: unless you tell Him,  He won't know.  The key, as I said a moment ago, is in how you tell Him.


Your self-discipline is very important in this relationship. Do you tend to put things  off  until  the last possible moment?  You  won't be  able to  do this  when  you are  owned. There will be chores and tasks your Master will assign that He expects to  be done in a timely fashion set by Him, not by you. Your Master's wants and needs  will be put before your own. Self-discipline is similar to self-control. Your ability to  follow complete  assignments  made  by your  Master will be very important.  As a  slave, you will need to be able to control your own actions well enough to be able to  remain within the boundaries set for you by Him. If He says you can't do something,  simply, you can't. Doing it anyway, and not telling Him doesn't make it right. In the case of a Master/slave relationship,  what you  don't know can  hurt you, as well as  the relationship  you have  worked so hard to build.  Even a  simple  "white lie" can 

destroy the trust so necessary to really establish this type relationship.


As to wants and needs of your own: do you know the difference between the two? If  not, I strongly recommend you figure them out before entering into servitude.  Sometimes the two are hard to distinguish, but it will become important that you do  so. Your Master will ensure all your "needs" are taken care of, but the "wants" will  be His to allow or not, as He sees fit. Needs are the necessities of life that are  required in order for us to remain mentally and physically healthy. They allow us to  grow emotionally and spiritually. If you can survive without something, then it is a  want. Wants are usually given as a reward for good behavior.


In order to be a slave, there will be many things you have to learn to accept within  yourself and adapt to. Your primary purpose in life will be to see to your Masters  pleasure (both mentally and physically) in any manner He should desire. In order to  do this, you will have to learn your Master well. Find out what pleases and  displeases Him. By this, I do not mean just sexually. You will learn that sex is but a small part of your relationship. Learn to anticipate His every need and desire without being pushy. His needs and desires will encompass intellectual stimulation,  physical pleasure, emotional support, and many other things unique to Him.  Remember - physical does not equal sexual. Physical pleasure may include, but is  not limited to, touch, favorite foods, textures, clothing, and colors as examples. It  will be your job to make sure His physical pleasures are met in everyway. Think of  the five senses, and make His environment pleasing to all of them. Never forget - the most pleasing thing in His environment should be you.


As His slave, it will be up to you to figure out what pleases your Master. He should  not have  to  ask constantly  for the basic things - you should have learned them. If  His glass is empty,  quietly and unobtrusively refill it. Remember, you are doing this  for  His  pleasure not your own.  Just because  He does  not notice and praise you  doesn't mean you are  doing  it wrong.  Look at His smile.  Is He comfortable? If He  looks happy and content, then you have done well, and should bask in His content.  Always remember that you do this for Him and not for your own satisfaction. Your  happiness should come from serving Him and His being happy.


As I said in the beginning of this article, I am not trying to scare you away from the  world of D/s. My goal is to make sure that, when you enter our lifestyle, you do so  with your eyes wide open, fully  knowing what to expect.  The road will not be an  easy one.  You will have  to re-learn much of what you once took for granted: things  you just did without thinking, like simply sitting in a chair. These are habits we never even think about anymore. That is, until we find a Master.


Everything else you learned before reading this article is probably true. Being a slave  is a wonderful life: one where you are taken care of. Most decisions are out of your hands and in those of your Masters. But, many choices will still be left up to you.  Most Masters want a slave who is smart, has a sense of humor, and a will of their own. There is no pleasure in owning a doormat who just sits or is only walked upon.  He will become bored very fast. Being yourself is the best advice I was given, and I have found this to be absolutely true for me.


You will find being a slave everything you dreamed of and so much more if you enter  this life knowing more of what to expect. If you are meant to be in the lifestyle, you will find that, where you were once only walked through life, you will be gliding on air. Parts of you that never were complete will then become whole. In relinquishing control, I have found freedom: freedom to find and be the person I am inside.


It is my hope that, after  reading  this article,  you will  be able to  make a more 

informed choice about entering this lifestyle. Never forget that, one of the most 

important requirements for existing in this lifestyle is honesty. Honesty with yourself first. However, you will find that this is not as easy as it sounds. Once you learn to do this, you will find yourself at peace and able to enter your servitude with clearer mind, knowing where you are and where you want to be. When you accept your Masters collar, you give up all your rights. Your friends, your life - nothing will remain yours. Being a slave means giving up so much more than you would if you were only being submissive. You give up all rights in your life. Slave isn't just a word; it's a way of life, a defined action. Be well, my friend, and I hope you enjoy this lifestyle as much as I have come to love being in it.


© 2000 miria_hunter@softhome.net

(reposted with permission of the author)





Questions about our site or the D/s Lifestyle?    Click the ask live icon to chat live or leave a message with our site host.  CJ isn't always available, but generally you can find Him here from about 8:30 - 11:00 pm Eastern time. Your questions about the site, the Asj community or just about the lifestyle in general are always welcome.  If nothing else, take a moment and tell us what you think of this feature!  




    Did you know, the Asj Community hosts ‘Lifestyle Classes and Discussions’ here online several times each week.  The Classes and Discussions are open to all and Free to attend.  Visit our Members Only Pages for more information, or click any of our “ask live” icons to ask for more information.




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Revised: November 09, 2016