The Making of a Dominant
Although originally written for the BDSM Lifestyle, this posting is equally applicable to the Dominant submissive (D/s )or Master slave (M/s) Lifestyles as well.
"Be safe, Sane, and Consensual"
Communication:
Good communication is always needed when in a scene in the BDSM lifestyle. Being able to speak clearly, specifically, and to be able to get right to the point. Fumbling around with words or hinting at what you are saying is a good sign of lack of control. Giving instructions are easier to follow if made crystal clear.
Compassion:
A Dominant should be compassionate. Cares about their submissive, friends, and family. They will take the time to listen and respond to the needs of others. He is not selfish nor does He think the world revolves around Him.
Consistent:
When giving instructions or requests it should never be conflicting. Always sticking to ones guns even when faced with a tuff situation. One should give equal punishment for equal offenses, and equal rewards when pleased by their submissive.
Control:
A Dominant should at no time loss control upon their submissive. Never to become angry and then turn to punish their submissive. If He feels the temper over whelming Him, take a walk and get some fresh air. Even though He should be able to control that anger, there maybe times when it does become too much for even Him to handle. Besides, a Dominant that can not control themself is not going to be able to control a bratty submissive.
Creative:
Putting time, energy, and creativity in ones scenes will most likely insure that the scene will not become more of a routine between the submissive and Dominant. Going that extra mile to come up with different ways to please their submissive. Why get use to the same ole same ole. Next thing you know, the submissive will be telling the Dominant what to do next for she will have done it so many times.
Human:
All of us are human. We will all make mistakes. Just cause you're the Dominant does not make you prone to saying sorry for the wrong you may have done. No one will look upon you as any less of a Dominant for doing so. They might look on you with even a bit more respect if you do. On the other hand, knowing that a submissive may do wrong as well and you might need to punish that submissive for that wrong they have done. The key word would be forgiveness. Put it behind you when they have shown they understand their wrong and what to do to make them selves better, so that the wrong they may have done will not happen again.
Judgment:
Humiliation and judgment are way two different things. One should never pass judgment on their submissive just because the task asked of them maybe too much. There may come a time when you your self is called to do something and find your self-unable to do so. That doesn't make you any less of a person.
Respect:
Being human, we all should get respect and give it as well. Whether you are a Dominant or a submissive, the respect works both ways. One that gives will get more then the one who does not. Always stand tall and take pride in who you are and what you believe in and feel. Take care of your self and those around you. For one who does not respect them selves will not respect others!!
Safety:
A Dominant worth playing with is always safe. They are aware of the damage they can cause a submissive and does their best to prevent harm. Taking that extra time to make sure the safety of their submissive is good as well as their own. Learn more about what could happen and practicing time and time again. You may know what you are doing but it is always good to keep looking into the issue a little deeper. I would rather be safe than dead or in jail. Technique - A good Dominant works on their play technique. They know how to use their toys and practice frequently. They will read the latest books and talk to others in the scene. An effective Dominant might even test their toys on themselves before they use them on their sub.
Thorough:
An effective Dominant is thorough. They direct a scene from start to finish to better allow their submissive to achieve subspace. They take away all distractions and decisions telling their submissive what position they desire, what needs they wants fulfilled, and how this is best accomplished.
Trust:
A Dominant should never do anything to their submissive if the submissive is not comfortable in doing so. Everybody has their limits and a Dominant should not try and push past their submissives limits unless agreed upon in advance. Let them know they can trust and they will give that trust in return.
Understanding:
Seeing how we can never really tell what is going to happen, no matter how much we plan, being understanding is another big factor. Things some times happen out of our hands and if so, one should not punish their submissive with out good reason. Nobody is perfect.
