Letters from your sisters
The Asj community offers a wide range of resources available to anyone within the D/s lifestyle, regardless of role or level of experience. One of the most important aspects of this web site is to provide advice to novice submissive women from more experienced submissive women (and also from a few others considered knowledgeable about the D/s Lifestyle). Although the Asj site may not always 100% agree with the information presented, overall we do find it beneficial, and just because we have our view about the D/s Lifestyle, that doesn't mean there aren't other views equally acceptable.
CJ
Nan's Letter
(Nan sent us two brief letters.)
The Four T's
There are so many 'outside' considerations that need to be looked at
when first entering this lifestyle that sometimes we forget about those
inside of us that must be considered also....truth, trust, tolerance and
total introspection.
Total Introspection - not necessarily totally addressing and
eliminating excess baggage, but at least packing it neatly.....asking
oneself....why am I here? what makes this lifestyle so compelling? what
do I expect? what do I want? where do I want to go with it?....Are all
the answers going to be clear? I doubt it, and in many cases, ever
changing as experience evolves and new limits discovered. But, initial
clarity in who you are, comfortability with oneself, security and
assuredness in one's choices add strength to the foundation of building
a BDSM relationship giving potential partners the freedom to work within
the dynamics of BDSM rather than work through them, because time was
taken for self-discovery first.
Truth - not just with a partner, but also with oneself; knowing
that who/what you are, who you are with and what you are involved in is
what you want; "The truth hurts, but lies leave scars"....however, so
many of those scars are, in fact, self-inflicted because one makes the
choice, whether consciously or unconsciously, to appease the partner
without realizing the emotional, mental or physical damage they leave
themselves open for. Additionally, the temptation to 'go with the flow',
'ride the tide', or succumbing to 'peer pressure' can sometimes cloud
one's judgement in deciding what is right for them.
Trust - it is hard to place the level of trust needed in a BDSM
partner if you don't trust yourself first; Self-trust relies heavily on
self-confidence....confidence in one's choices, confidence in one's
total packaging allows us the freedom to be open and decisive in
choosing and trusting a partner. It eliminates doubt and add security.
Tolerance - Realizing that the same considerations one asks for
when entering BDSM is the same consideration that should be given to
others whose activities may be greater or lesser or totally out of
bounds of our own; it's realizing that the answers one arrived at
through introspection are what right for you, but not necessarily
others; it's the ability to accept another's
opinion/viewpoint/philosophy and discuss in a healthy, open dialogue,
and it's also knowing the difference between opinion and fact and being
able to adjust to it.
=================================
JMO
by Nan
Meeting others within the realm of 'cyber space' gives us an advantage
of being able to *meet* people outside of our geographical community, to
learn that there are compromising differences among people, it also
places us with the disadvantage of lack of physical contact, but yet, we
want to place sole responsibility of truth and honesty on those we
*meet*, however, IMO, there is a *self-responsibility* on the acceptance
of another at 'face-value' . . . there is no 'forced decision' ....
making the biggest question here "why do we assume what we are being
told to be the truth?" Cyber doesn't make a person more honest, more
safe, though all posts seem to want to sway to those expectations . . .
it comes down to choice, a personal choice to believe what one wants to
believe or not . . . and it also comes down, many times disappointingly,
to the level of expectation one has for being here and what one is
seeking here.
Cyber DOES NOT guarantee anything, more OR less, about the people we
meet, just as life does not; therefore, we have no right to place either
a higher expectation on those people, nor an inclusion of our moral
fabric on them. There is a fine line between judgmentalism and
guidance/tolerance, and IMO, 'expectancies' cloud the ability to define
it.
Add with that . . . life's baggage, especially excessive baggage, can be
quite a burden for most people; baggage can range anywhere from
loneliness, need of acceptance, abuse, rape, low self-esteem, a marriage
going bad, etc. and the load gets heavier if one is traveling with more
than one piece.
Cyber chat, let's forego BDSM for a minute, offers many a welcomed
relief from their burdens, instant acceptance, an ear to chew on, a
respite of relief from lonely hours, time 'away' from a demeaning
spouse, a house full of kids, whatever. In a few cases this is enough to
turn things around for them, but, in most cases it is not, it is a
diversion from seeking/getting the professional help they need . . .
with the addition of BDSM, in most cases, we add to the baggage rather
than help pack it neatly . . . we accept people here, not too many
questions asked; we welcome them with open arms, with a legacy of
'understanding' and guidance, never truly going deep below the surface
to see what makes them click ... I am the original 'snob' around this
place, I am the person to whom the term was first ascribed to
. . . why?
. . . because I have told people they don't belong here, I have refused
to acknowledge a 'friend' as member of the lifestyle, I have told people
they are using BDSM as a crutch with their baggage, I have told people
that instead of a dom/me they need to find a therapist
. . . some use BDSM to allow the continual pattern of abuse to thrive,
to be a substitute for self-acceptance...'well, if I agree to let a man
beat on me, he won't care if I am ----- - ' . . . is this all
judgmental?
I don't believe so . . . BDSM is a safety conscious lifestyle, safety is
part of our credo, in that credo we should not be speaking solely of
physical safety; and, in enforcing that credo, we have to do so, not
only for the sake of the lifestyle, but for the people involved
themselves . . . we have to go beyond 'hurting' someone's feelings and
being truthful with them, we have to recognize someone's
faults/hurts/shortcomings and still like them despite them, but we have
to be able to offer reality
. . . If people wish cyber to be an extension of real life, than they
have to play by the same rules of real life, and that includes not only
being honest, but dealing with people and themselves honestly
....Cyber is limiting, we dig our nitch, we profess our Nirvana, and we
lose grasp to the truths of the real world. In the process, we allow the
basic dynamics of this lifestyle to become diluted, we don't *insist*
that real time groups, meets, even reading to be equally, if not more
important, and by doing so we inadequately prepare them for the reality
of BDSM off the computer
. . . Cyber BDSM only works if one stays within the realm of cyber
. . . our 'community standards' only hold up within this community, and
IMO, that is the one disclaimer we forget to emphasize.
This website is dedicated to the belief and practice of “Absolute Submission” and “Unconditional Surrender” within the “Ancient” and “Biblical” documented and practiced “Natural Order” of women consensually submitting to men.
Examples of practices of the "Natural Order" can be found in many well known scriptures such as "The Hebrew Torah", "The Talmud", "The Holy Ouran", "The Old Testament", "The New Testament", and "The Book Of Mormon", to name a few.
This website contains absolutely No Pornography. Nothing Obscene, Threatening, Defamatory, Harmful, or Illegal. No content is in any way or form Racially, Ethnically or Morally objectionable. Nor is any content meant to Insult, Offend, or Demean. No Illegal or, Forceful, Involuntary, Unconsensual activities are encouraged or supported.
Amongst other rights, this website is protected by the Bill Of Rights and the First Amendment to the United States Constitution with the Freedom Of Religious Practices Act and the Right of Freedom Of Speech.
Due to the mature nature of this website, you MUST be of legal age of over 18 years of age to enter.
If the subject matter of this website, or the discussion thereof offends you in any way or form, or if you are not of legal age, you may not enter the website and MUST LEAVE NOW.
By entering this website you declare that you are of legal age of 18 years or older and agree to the terms and conditions of this website.
This Dominant submissive/slave lifestyle website first became active on about February 1, 2002. The Asj community has been online in one form or another since approximately early 1985.
Copyright © 1998 - 2011 [A submissives journey]. All rights reserved. Revised: October 27, 2016
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