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Do You Have A Dominant Partner?
There are two types of
relationships today as I see it. First is the most commonly recognized and
socially accepted. The second is the oldest and most widely misunderstood,
and even sometimes frowned on by society.
First and probably most
commonly accepted today is the 'vanilla' relationship. This type of
relationship is based on an equal distribution of responsibility and
control over the day to day life of each partner. Maybe both
partners work outside the home, maybe one is a stay at home mom or
dad. But in any case they each share equally in decisions that
affect the security and tranquility of the relationship.
Second is the
dominant/submissive relationship, commonly referred to as a
relationship. In this type of relationship one partner has visibly
more control in the relationship than the other. There are no
guidelines that I know of that earmarks whether it's the female
partner or the male partner that takes on this role. Just like the
vanilla relationship both partners may work outside the home or one
may be a stay at home mom or dad.
Although today's society has
conditioned us to believe that a 'vanilla' relationship is a
healthier relationship than a dominant/submissive one, there are
literally hundreds of thousands of people that would disagree with
this concept. I live in a dominant/submissive lifestyle with my
husband of many years and I believe our relationship is equally as
strong if not stronger than the best marriage of 50 years. Many of
my friends frowned on our choice of roles in the relationship when
they first met us, only to accept and agree in most cases that the
definitive separation of roles in our relationship not only have
strengthened our lives but they are in most cases almost envious of
the security and happiness we both share.
Consider history. In
biblical times it was accepted and expected that both partners would
have very specific roles. Typically the women had the responsibility
for the home and children while the men were the 'hunter/gatherers'.
It has been the norm throughout history for women to be relegated to
a subordinated position with their relationships. Even today many
countries believe this to be the only way of life. The comical thing
is that up until the 20th century and even well into the 20th
century, 'Dominant submissive' lifestyles were the norm instead of the exception.
Back when the divorce rates were lower, children were taught the
meaning of respect and honestly and even religion was at the center
of a families core values. Hmm makes you think doesn't it?
Today in contrast to the
past, it is expected of partners to share equally in the roles of
hunter gatherer, cook, maid, child rearer etc. Given the state of
the world today, highest crimes rates in all history, an almost
complete disregard for teaching children the values of respecting
others and honesty, I must question if society has helped or
hindered relationships as a whole. I'm sure many will read this and
think I'm completely nuts, but it is my opinion.
Did you know, the Asj Community hosts
‘Dominant submissive and BDSM Lifestyle Classes and Discussions’ here online every Sunday evening at
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I think the funniest thing
about today's relationships is that many if not most relationships
mirror the traditional lifestyle and there is an unspoken separation
of roles and responsibilities. These people that live in these
relationships are afraid I believe, and possibly almost embarrassed
to admit how comfortable they are living in a semi-traditional
lifestyle. It is so much easier to put on a false face for the
outsiders to avoid being criticized for their lifestyle choice. It
takes strong people with strong convictions to accept a traditional
lifestyle and make it work. If more people would accept the obvious
advantages to it I think the world could become a better place. But
again, that's just my humble opinion.
Consider the following and
then ask yourself; "could I be one of those living in the closet"?
You might find that some of the qualities I've listed below apply to
you or your partner and if that is the case, maybe you will pause
the next time you feel it necessary to be critical of how others
choose to live.
1. A Dominant is one who has the understanding
that he or she is not perfect (sorry guys, even you)
2. A Dominant has taken the
time to accept his or her flaws as an individual, has come to terms
with them, and determined how best to control and deal with them
3. Dominant partners realize that the proof of
their dominance doesn't come from the person who might call them the
boss, but from within themselves. This is proven out to them by way
of their personalities, ethics, standards and values.
4. A dominant partner
accepts that they have the responsibility to themselves to inform as
well as possible all things regarding the wide range of issues that
come with living a traditional lifestyle. They always take the time
to consider their own needs as well as the needs of their partners
and they are capable of clearly
expressing those needs to their submissive partner.
5. Life experiences teaches a dominant the importance of trust and respect
in any relationship. They recognize this and understand that their
partners cannot submit and give control to them unless they have the
character that makes the worthy of this trust and respect.
6. A dominant partner always
understand that before they can expect a submissive partner to give over
control of their lives that the dominant partner must have total control
over their own lives first.
7. A Dominant will understand that words such as
integrity, character, honesty, fairness and consistency represent concepts
that are apparent throughout all areas of a Dominant's life. They are not
mere words to be used and applied selectively when they may be to your
advantage. Not only are those words representative of the character of the
person, they are hallmarks of the character of a Dominant person.
Think about these qualities and
ask yourself. Do these things sound familiar? If they do then you might be
one of those living in the closet, or at least you might find you have the
basic building blocks to build a relationship that can withstand almost
anything life can throw at you. Next time you hear someone say "we live a
traditional lifestyle" stop and think before being critical. You will be a
better person for it.
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Revised: November 05, 2016