Training a Submissive -
Drawing Up a Contract
by Bea Amor
BDSM has, as already mentioned, so many
branches of people with different likes and dislikes. There is
quite a large group who really believes in the power of
dominance and submission. In this group there is a tendency to
first have a submissive in training and then to either accept or
reject that submissive or slave after the initial period of
training. A lot of people, who do this, set up contracts between
themselves that govern the roles and responsibilities of both
parties in the relationship. Of course this contract could never
be legally binding in court, but it serves its purpose quite
well within the lifestyle.
The person responsible for drawing up the contract is almost always the submissive or slave, who has the task of putting the details into writing. Of course, there is the rare dominant that prefers to use her or his own document that he or she has drafted himself. The reason that a lot of dominants prefer that the submissive or slave takes up this task is that responsibilities and roles are much more clear and memorable when someone has written them down themselves.
There is a Chinese saying: "I hear and I forget. I see and I remember. I do and I understand." A submissive that hears what will be expected has a much better chance of remembering when he or she writes it down and edits it until the dominant is happy with it. The contract is fluid of course and will change as the submissive goes through his or her training. Part of the collaring of that submissive will be the signing of the document as well that would follow the training period.
The content of the contract will always include the following:
1.The names of the two participants.
2.The roles of the two participants defined and summarized.
3.The duties of the submissive or slave.
4.The responsibilities of the dominant.
5.The consequences of failure to do what is expected.
6.The hard and soft limits of the submissive as well as the safe word to be used.
7.The consequences of using the safe word.
8.The rights of the submissive and the dominant should the relationship fail.
This contract should be filed away safely after it has been signed and should be consulted should any question arise for either the dominant or the submissive. There are several sample contracts available here on the Asj web site.
There have been a lot of interesting ideas
on how to make sure that everyone is protected, even in legal
matters. The best idea I have ever heard is to take a standard
employment contract and to use that contract to specify duties
and rights of both parties and consequences should that contract
breach take place. This type of contract could definitely stand
up in court.
Other than the fact that it defines the relationship, it is often an important part of training and getting to know each other. Setting up a contract could help identify the strong and weak points of a slave or submissive and could help the submissive or slave anticipate needs of the dominant earlier and with more accuracy. It will also help set both parties' minds at ease, especially at the beginning of what is not always an easy path.
Did you know, the Asj Community hosts ‘Dominant submissive and BDSM Lifestyle Classes and Discussions’ here online every Sunday evening at 9:00 pm Eastern Time. The Classes and Discussions are open to all and Free to attend. Visit our Members Only Pages for more information, or click any of our “ask live” icons to ask for more information.
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