The Three R's
So often the complexities of life in general require that we
focus upon narrow, limited portions of it at any given time.
It's necessary to do so in order to fully explore and understand
those specific areas with any degree of comprehension.
Various aspects of the D/s lifestyle are also discussed in this
nature. Specific topics in conversations and threads that aid in
the understanding of certain concepts. Yet, none of those topics
stands alone in life. There is an interdependence in which topic
A is in some way affected by, and in turn affects, topics B, C &
D. Neither life, nor D/s relationships, are so compartmentalized
that each concept is fully insulated from the influences of
other, equally compelling, realities. And while it's necessary
to explore those concepts individually, it's also necessary on
occasion to have a broader perspective. To discuss and
understand their interdependence and relationship to one
another.
There are many interesting and personally valid expressions of
the "rights" of submissives in articles, posts, threads, chat
room and munch discussions. I've written about them myself. It
seems sad to think that we have to reaffirm the rights of any
individual to be their own selves, and acknowledge their rights
as human beings. Yet, the stereotype of a D/s relationship often
requires just that for those newly exploring the lifestyle in a
genuine way, as opposed to informed and consensual fantasy role
play.
I'm not aware of anyone (genuine) that would deny the existence
of the basic human rights to self-determination and freedom from
oppression to an uncollared submissive, simply based upon the
fact that they are submissive. That's the old "I'm Dominant and
every submissive shall be submissive to me" kind of fantasy that
the lifestyle generally finds abhorrent. It's the attempt to
impose a nonconsensual relationship upon every submissive.
And yet, the nature and scope of those basic human rights do
change when a submissive consensually enters into a D/s
relationship. Point in fact; there are no rights without
responsibilities. As individuals prior to a consensual
relationship, our responsibilities are to ourselves. And our
rights as human beings are also our own. But a consensual D/s
relationship changes those dynamics. In a consensual D/s
relationship, the rights we enjoy as human beings are tempered
by the responsibilities we now have to someone else, Dominant or
submissive.
It's another widely accepted concept that all D/s relationships
are unique, and reflect the personal needs and wants of the
individuals involved. The rights a submissive may have enjoyed
prior to consenting to that relationship can and do change
significantly. Hence, the interdependent nature of rights and
responsibilities, both influencing and affecting the other.
Upon the formation of a D/s relationship, both Dominant and
submissive accept certain responsibilities within the
relationship, and to each other. And just as each relationship
is different and unique, the responsibilities that are a part of
those relationships will be different and unique as well. Many
of those responsibilities will change the very nature and
existence of the rights of each participant within that
relationship. Hence, rights are not static, unchanging tablets
of stone. They are fluid and evolutionary concepts that are
affected by, and in turn influence, the personal
responsibilities of the individuals within the relationship.
The most obvious way that rights influence responsibilities is
in the nature of consent. Everyone has the right to consent, or
not consent, to a relationship with a specific individual.
Everyone has the right to consent, or not consent, to the scope
and nature of that relationship. And everyone has the right to
consent, or not consent, to the responsibilities within that
unique relationship. Those are universal rights enjoyed by
Dominants, submissives, slaves, vanillas, etc.
But upon entering into a D/s relationship, certain rights will
most assuredly change. A submissive/slave may consensually agree
to give up the right to self-determination. They may consent to
renouncing the right to express their opinion, their right to
say "no", or any other right that, through negotiation, they
wish to surrender to their Dominant. I would personally embrace
the proposition that the one right no submissive/slave can
(figuratively or literally) forsake is the right to leave a
relationship that they find ungratifying, unfulfilling, abusive,
or for any other reason might cause them to revoke their
continued consensual participation. That's the ultimate right to
say "no". Sure, there are some that cling to a storybook and
romanticized version of the lifestyle in which a slave cannot
unilaterally leave a relationship. But common sense tells us (or
at least me) that such a notion is completely unrealistic in
practice.
Thus, the dynamic of consensual lifestyle relationships can be
viewed as the negotiation of each participant's rights and
responsibilities. Both to the relationship in general, and the
individuals involved in it. The very definition of a D/s
relationship can be viewed as the acceptance of those
responsibilities to each other, and the consensual
relinquishment of some or all of our basic human rights (with
the one exception as previously noted).
In summation, we as a lifestyle community often tend to focus
upon each of the three R's; rights,
responsibilities and relationship, as
individual concepts rather than interdependent components of
something larger. I've noticed that many of the divergent views
of these components is precisely because one individual may see
them from the point of view of individuals outside of a D/s
relationship, and another from the perspective of individuals
within a D/s relationship. I've fallen into this trap many times
myself. Truth is, both views are expressions of the perception
that rights and responsibilities are static and unchanging. And
while both may be accurate snapshots of rights and
responsibilities at any specific point in time, they fail to
accurately reflect their fluid and changing nature on either
side of the line that establishes a consensual D/s relationship.
Rover
Copyright 2002
Copyright © 1998 - 2011 [A submissives journey]. All rights reserved. Revised: January 11, 2013
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