Why Choose to Train a Slave Outside of a Relationship

There are many different philosophies behind training a submissive or slave and even more approaches to doing it. Here I shall try to explain things in both as general a way as I can, while pointing out as many specifics and variations as I am aware of, as well as explaining my own feelings and approaches. I shall try to make clear when I am speaking in each mode, though I hope you will understand if I miss a bit.

First, when talking about training one needs to be aware of the motive and objectives of those involved. What does the submissive/slave want from the experience? and What does the dominant/master/mistress/trainer want from the experience? The answers to these questions determine how successful the endeavor will be. In my years in the scene I have seen very little formal training for the submissive/slave, instead seeing them learning in each successive relationship. While this can in some situations be successful, in most cases it does not lead to healthy lasting relationships (but then again, few relationships last for long even in the vanilla world).

Serial training is hard on a submissive. Trying to learn to please one is hard, then trying to learn to please another who uses a very different style or approach, or even who focuses on different aspects of BDSM is even harder as there may be a large amount of un-learning that needs to be done. A certain amount of this will always be unavoidable as long as relationships end and new ones begin, however a comprehensive training period can provide a solid grounding. From this training and self-exploration the submissive/slave will know themselves better within the BDSM world as well as knowing many of the basic skills expected of a submissive/slave as well as some advanced ones.

Making the choice to seek training instead of a relationship is a difficult one. Most of us have been looking for years for someone to be intimate with, grow with, and spend the rest of our lives with. Choosing to put that search on hold for a year or more is not an easy one, especially if there is already someone in your life. It can be an even more difficult choice to make when finances and career enter into the equation. However, learning is one of the most rewarding parts of living. Many do this, going to college, learning on the job, going to graduate school, etc., and never stop to learn about ourselves. No where in common society is one given the opportunity to explore the sexual side of themselves outside of a relationship, with all of it's extra baggage, expectations, demands. A good training program focuses on exploration of the trainee's self, desires and fantasies. While there can be a lot to give up, a formal training is ultimately rewarding in the chance it gives one to learn without additional pressures/expectations.

From the point of view of a typical dominant, most are also primarily looking for a relationship and many are themselves exploring their dominance as they go, unsure of exactly what they want, or how to teach or even ask it of a submissive, to say nothing of how lost they are when the submissive says no. Their focus is more on finding someone who matches and compliments themselves and then exploring with the submissive only what interests them (the dominant).

While there are occasionally wonderful matches resulting from this, the majority of both dominants and submissives search for a long time before they find a single partner who matches what they think they want and with whom they are compatible. While training of both submissives will help this, it will never cure it completely.

Used as a way to learn more about oneself and about whatever interests one within BDSM training is a safe and healthy way to explore. To accomplish this the training and teaching that is done must focus on the needs and desires of the submissive/slave rather than the needs and desires of the dominant.

Few people have the gift and vision to teach well and training is quite teaching intensive. Fewer still are prepared to train without a relationship, and to put the emphasis on the submissive rather than themselves.