From my own experience and from observing many others, it has become obvious to me that in a lot of instances when one enters into the lifestyle of D/s as a submissive, there is a tendency by some to feel that all cares are about to be magically taken away, that the dominant will come in and save the day. But often we soon find that while a dominant can build your self-esteem and guide you upon the right path, ultimately ~you~ are responsible for yourself. Unless your dominant is around you 24 hours a day, there is no conceivable way He/She can hold your hand and walk you through..Life.

Being submissive does not release you from being responsible to yourself, for only in being responsible to yourself can you truly..be Pleasing for your dominant. A dominant is not there to be your parent, but to be a Partner and a guiding force in your growth both physically and emotionally, but when it becomes that the dominant is holding you up, ~holding your hand~ through Life, it has crossed the line into a co-dependent relationship and will only serve to diminish the beauty of D/s, the beauty of Power Exchange within your Life. In this vain, the following are ideas of my own that every submissive should consider having a handle on.

Never expect to have your dominant live your life for you. You existed before him or her and you will exist if they are gone. While it's in your nature to please, never forget there is only one person you will walk your entire life with, yourself. Keep up with your own personal self-growth, a dominant should not have to tell you..how..to grow, but be a Guide on your Journey. ~you~ are ultimately in charge of taking the right path. Read, write, ask questions of yourself and others, continually striving and actively seeking to better yourself, for yourself. This in turn serves and shows your dominant that you are always in every effort, seeking to be the best you can be.

If you do not live with your dominant, don't expect Him/ Her to know when your bills are due, pay the rent, or solve your drippy faucet problem. (Your dominant will Admire that you took care of it so responsibly!) Take care of you Health. A dominant expects a healthy submissive, one who cares about his/her body and mind. (No, this does not mean you have to be perfect, but you should be fit.)

Don't be afraid to let your dominant know when you are having a bad day. It's normal and happens to everyone. ~you~ should never have to worry that He/She will not understand, but neither should you make Him/Her into your own personal counselor. Be prepared as well for your dominant to experience their own drops. No dominant is safe from the occasional illness or bad mood themselves.

Listen to your gut. Most times, we avoid doing this as usually we are hearing something we would rather not believe. Putting off facing the truth, will only make for a longer, harder road to walk.

If you don't feel comfortable talking with your dominant or a trustworthy friend, keep a journal. Track your own feelings and growth. Stagnancy is a killer. Never forget that as you serve your dominant, you should also feel just as special and treasured in return. D/s is a two way street, you should be getting back as much as your are putting forth. If this is not the case, do not be afraid to journey alone for a time. Submission is not made or broken by having or not having a dominant.

Be responsible for your own personal happiness, while our dominants fulfill all those long unaddressed needs within ourselves to release control, serve to make Another happy with our deeds, it does not mean we can stop looking inside, or that happiness is a given. We all make our own happiness, we shouldn't rely on any other to make it for us~.

If you are unhappy with yourself, there is really no way you will make a pleasing submissive, for any dominant worth His/Her salt will recognize it within you; While they can point you in the right direction and accompany you on the road to growth, at the end of the day, you are still in command of your ability to be happy or unhappy. It may not be an easy journey to find happiness, but the end result will always make the effort to grow and evolve a wonderful one.