A submissive/slave's role is to serve
their Master/Mistress. In real life, they will just do it!
Quickly, efficiently, bringing him or her their favorite drink
and food, or anything else for which they ask. In return, the
Dominant may smile on the submissive in appreciation of his or
her service to them. Then again they may not, simply because in
real life, they will be served in such a way, dozens of times in
a single day. Their appreciation will be total but may not be
demonstrated at each single task.
But also, in real
life, the reality is that what goes through the submissive's
mind when asked to serve may not match the ideal. Consider the
slave folding a mountain of washing in the laundry, being called
into the sitting room to light the cigarette in their Dominant's
right hand while they offer them the lighter with their left
hand. Do they light it? Of course? Do they smile while doing so?
Most likely! Are they happy to do so? Sometimes! Do they
complain? Never! But their mind might be filled with thoughts
such as 'I am so busy, surely s/he could have lit their own
cigarette?'
The reality of what a
submissive thinks and does may not match the fantasy that is
propagated in idealistic D/s writings, often setting a
submissive to doubt themselves, to make them feel less than the
standard which they are certain that their brothers and sisters
achieve easily. How can you stop the thought from flashing
through your mind, "Why don't you get it yourself, you're
closer!' In my humble opinion, no amount of 'training' will
prevent such thoughts which, on the face of it, are entirely
reasonable. The issue is overcoming those thoughts surrounding
their Dominant's behavior which the submissive's mind has
determined as being inconsiderate, unreasonable, unpleasant or
untimely. And yes, submissives do have negative thoughts about
their Dominant's regard of them.
Ask most
submissives why s/he serves a Dominant and they will answer
"Because I have a burning need to please, to express my desire
and willingness to put my Dominant before myself, to satisfy all
their needs." This is the macro. But examining each task
separately, often the submissive's physical and emotional
environment and circumstances will dictate a different immediate
mind response. They may be feel tired, stressed, upset, tested
or unappreciated. They may have the unexpressed expectation that
their Dominant should have an equal need to please, and to put
them before him or herself! Afterall, they are loved and
cherished, and selflessness is supposed to be a fixure of a
loving relationship. This kind of attitude then begs the
question, is it therefore a burning need to please, or a need to
be found pleasing?
An example of this
position my be found in online service. Why do online
submissives offer to serve a Dominant a refreshment? After all,
despite the effort and consideration that goes into the
exercise, the reality is that a cool or warming drink is not the
end result. If the Dominant is sitting in front of their
computer thirsty or hungry, they will physically remain that way
even after the submissive has brought them their request, and
they have raised the glass or morsel to their lips and partaken
of the offering.
In my opinion, the
overriding reason is that the submissive desires to be found
pleasing. They enjoy the admiration given to a good channel
serve, to their literary expertise, their use of imagery. This
admiration may come from the Dominant that the submissive is
trying to get to know better, or from their Master/Mistress who
glows in the pride of having such an attentive and admired
slave, and from the spectators who enjoy watching the serve.
Now, a submissive who does not believe that they have the
literary skills will not resort to online serves, or does so
hesitantly and nervously at the insistence of others. But do
they hold less that desire to serve, or is it that they hold
equally or even to a greater extent, the desire to be found
pleasing and believing that they possess that which they
consider an inadequate skill, determine that they will be judged
as not pleasing?
Is the pleasure to be
found in doing the task for the Dominant such at cleaning their
toilet, or in receiving the expressed gratitude ie: "you are
such a good girl."? And where are we situated emotionally when
our immediate effort has gone ignored or uncommented on
sufficient to our expectation. We can feel unappreciated and
hurt because our Dominant has not responded according to the
level of pleasing us that we have subconsciously set for them.
After all, isn't a simple smile and "you're such a good girl"
little to ask in return for an hour of performing ,what is
considered by most of society, an unpleasant task such as
cleaning a bathroom? Can we help not focusing on the micro in
these situations in preference to the macro of servitude?
The answer is yes!. But we first must
examine our feelings honestly. We must own up to the fact that
we are human beings with all the human frailties. We have
moments of jealousy, of pettiness, of disregard, and of anger.
To deny their existence is to deny our unique humanity. We need
to accept that we will at times find ourselves victims of
stress, tiredness, self doubt; in times of weakness of body,
spirit and/or mind. We need to know that we are not alone in
those feelings.
Most people need to be employed. How
often have you heard someone say "I love my job!" And yes, they
truly do but if you examine that love, you find that there are
some tasks involved in the "job" that they hate, or dislike, or
workmates who are seen as annoying etc; and there maybe feelings
that they aren't as appreciated as they should be, or they carry
a bigger load in the company than they should because the work
is not evenly distributed. There may be some mornings where they
just don't want to get out of bed, or prefer to do something
instead of going to work, and so they ring their boss and tell
them they are "sick".
The truth is that
they they don't want a different job in preference to the one
they have. In the macro big picture, they are happy being with
their firm, doing the kind of work they do, and with the general
conditions of their employment. In the micro day to day
examination of their "job" there is much that they would like
changed , and some things they are not particularly happy with.
Submission is a job which is undertaken
willingly and lovingly. The job description is to serve a
Dominant in all things; to do your utmost to make your
Master/Mistress happy, and satisfied in their needs. Should you
put their needs before your own? I don't believe that should
always be the case when your needs are not being satisfied. In
this instance, again reverting to the macro, a slave whose needs
aren't being satisfied is unhappy, and has the option of asking
for release and if granted, leaving the relationship and finding
a Dominant who can better satisfy her/his needs. In that
situation, you could say "I love the work but I am not happy
where I am, and will find somewhere else to employ me".
Does this seem simplistic, and contrary to
the fantasy of a slave's existence? I think it is a more
realistic view. If you like the city but not the neighborhood,
you move. If you are married but unhappy in the relationship,
you get a divorce. If you want the service e.g.. telephone, but
are unhappy with the service provider, you change the provider.
So, if we are honest with ourselves, we
can admit that our relationship with our Dominant is not
perfect, that s/he is not a perfect Master/Mistress, and that we
are not perfect submissives. Having accepted these facts, then
we can look at each task, and the thoughts and responses
surrounding them. Are we there to truly please our Dominant or
are we there to please ourselves, and to be found pleasing?
Taking the micro approach, I believe that it is more honest to
state we are pleasing ourselves in that we wish to be found
pleasing and when we find we haven't been found pleasing, or at
least had that fact sufficiently acknowledged, we subject
ourselves to the demons of the mind. But demons can be
vanquished.
A life of servitude
is not an easy road but for those with a submissive heart, it is
the only road that will take them to personal happiness. This
lies in embracing the macro of D/s, not the fantasy of D/s. We
choose to serve because it is our need. We choose to give our
Dominant the power over us, to make our decisions for us, to
teach us to serve in the most pleasing way to him or her. In
essence, we trust our Dominant to keep us happy.
I have a favorite saying which I tell my
own Master, "Even when I am unhappy, I am happy." Simply, this
means I am content in our relationship, I love my job, I am
secure, I am in love, my needs are being met even though he may
not be pleased with me at the minute because I have angered him
or disappointed him, and am punished; or that a task I have been
given is not something I would wish to do if I had a choice; or
he has denied me something I had wanted. And when he feels that
hurt or resentment in me, he has a favourite saying "hali, move
on." And I do! Because I am a submissive and he is my Master.
If we accept the realities of who we are,
if we accept the realities of our D/s lives, and we understand
that it is natural to have the emotional responses that we do to
the individual experiences we share with our Dominants on a
daily basis, we can overcome them, even become stronger for
knowing our own reactions because then we can say every time
negative thoughts enter our head, "I am not alone and I
understand who I am." We are strong enough to sit down and talk
with our self. We are committed enough to share those thoughts
with our Masters and Mistresses. We are brave enough to admit we
are not perfect. And we are wise enough to understand the
imperfections of our Dominants.
Servitude
is not an easy road but it is the only road that those with a
submissive's heart can walk. And as with every road, it has pot
holes, bends and curves and crossroads. Keep your mind focused
on the journey's end and not on the many stumbles along the way.
Walk in the sunlight with a clear mind and a willing heart and
your journey will be a happy one.
