My dear sister,

 

Please peruse CJ Sir's site:  http://www.asubmissivesjourney.com

 

This may give you some guidance in what your role as a submissive.  We also have a comm chat (look to left of screen) where I and other "gather" to chat among each other.  Also, CJ Sir has been in from time to time and He has trained many a submissive via a poly family setting.

 

I hope to catch you online!

 

--hippo

Hmmm, this seems like a posting I've just got to take a moment or two and respond to.  Seems to Me there are a couple of issues here that need to be addressed.  Let's address the issue of becoming a submissive first...

 

There are those that will say unless you're submissive in your heart to begin with, you can never become submissive.  I don't necessarily agree with that philosophy, but for simplicity, let's explain it this way.  No matter how Dominant an individual is, there is always someone just a bit more Dominant,,  I guess that makes everyone just a tad submissive to the Dominant with the edge of being a bit more Dominant.  Remember, there are lots of forms of Dominance and submission, not just in the bedroom.  In reading this posting what I make of this is that you want to bring out a bit more of your submissive side,,,  and to My way of thinking, there is nothing wrong with that!  Remember, a submissive or even a slave for that matter isn't necessarily submissive to everyone she(he) meets or sees.  In fact, it's quite common for a submissive to only be submissive to one Dominant...

 

Developing your submissive side is not something that can be done over night.. and without some really extensive and special effort, it's not likely to be something that can be done in a matter of a couple of weeks.  This brings Me to a point of concern in this posting.  Perhaps I'm reading between the lines a bit too much, but I see an apparent ultimatum in the apparent setting of a deadline of June 1st.  Now, as I read the calendar, that looks to be about two weeks..  hmm..  again, reading between the lines, seems to Me there are a couple of issues here.  One of the issues, the girl has got her work cut out for her.  But,,,  I didn't see the mention of the "Dominant" having His outline or plan prepared and given to the girl as to how she is to accomplish this feat?  Without this, I can see nothing more than the girl being set up for failure.  If the girl is to be a "submissive" not later than June 1st, let's get it out on the table.. define what a submissive is, what exactly is it the girl is supposed to accomplish?  What are the milestones the girl has had set for her...  and now, taking a step that I'm sure some will think might be a bit out of line..   If the "Dominant" hasn't set these goals and milestones for the girl, giving her a clear objective,,,  Just what efforts is this Dominant taking to learn how to be a Dominant since obviously He's got a few things to learn as well?

 

Both of you need to sit down, discuss this issue, then relook exactly what it is that you are wanting to accomplish and HOW you want to accomplish it.  I'd urge you to throw away the deadline.  First, it's not realistic, and second it's going to doom your relationship to failure.  Perhaps I'm out of line, but in reading between the lines in this posting I sense more issues at stake here than just the girl becoming a submissive by a given date.  Oh yes, I'm confident that any one of a number of Dom's (or for that matter, quite a few of the slaves and subs I know) could take this girl, work with her extensively and help her to have all of the "moves" down pat by the 1st..  but would that make her a submissive?  I don't think so.

 

This is a rather strong statement, but I urge you both to take it to heart...  If your relationship is having problems now, if things are on shaky ground so to speak, slam the brakes on in this journey to explore your submissive side.  Mark My words, and I think there are many that will tell you I'm not usually far off in My predictions...  if your marriage/relationship is on shaky grounds now, venturing into this lifestyle will almost certainly bring your relationship to a crashing finish!  Yes, the relationship can and does strengthen many relationships and marriages, but only when they have things working for them.  As I see this, your Dominant is apparently a novice, still unsure of what it is that he's wanting or expecting.  The girl has her uncertainties as to what she is going to do or be in this relationship.  Throw in the ultimatum of what I see as an unachievable goal...  voila.. three strikes your out!  The final result, A Dominant that suddenly seems himself as failing (if he was serious in the first place), remember, a sub/slaves failure is not just the failure of the sub/slave, it's also the Dom's failure isn't it?  Next, a girl that might have found her perfect place in this lifestyle steered away because she failed and lost one she loved.  A marriage and perhaps a family on the rocks (or am I reading between the lines wrong?) 

 

Need I say more? 

as always, I remain

CJ

hi sis,

         first i would like to welcome you to O/our community.

  i don't know where to begin with this .."to help you find your way" hmm...well W/we can give you advice from O/our exsperiences,but you would have to figure out what it is you want and find your way on your own with some guidance from O/others. W/we A/all seek different things,,and what is good for me might not be what is good for you. i think if you hang out in O/our chat room and meet O/others and do some reading you will begin to find your way.

  as far as the june 1st deadline, i think that is crazy, it takes time to learn and figure out who you are what you want and where you are going,for some it takes months, however that doesn't mean you can't start living the way a submissive lives, you and your Master just have to do alot of communicating,, and discuss the things you want and He wants and the B/both of Y/you will come up with what works for Y/you.

  i wish you luck  in your journey and if there is anything i can do to help you feel free to ask..or email me at     bel_esclave@hotmail.com

                 be well sis and hope to see you in chat.

                         bel_esclave_CJ

Sinstress, welcome to the group .  I am quite new to the lifestyle myself. However, this is a topic that i've recently been thinking about and i know that Sir CJ, bel and hippo have thrown their 2 cents in or more -lol, but i'd like to add just a little more.

  Submission is not something that happens overnight. You have probably been taught since you can remember that you must be independent; that you must stand up and take care of yourself. It takes a long time hmmm.. forever  to re-learn this.

  And please remember that your submission is a gift. Only you can give it - it cannot be taken. I recently read an article in another group about missed opportunities. In a nutshell, each of us misses basic opportunities to be submissive for our masters. For example, do you ask your Master if you may open the mail or if you may be allowed to go shopping; or other day-to-day situations. The easiest way to learn submission is to give these small things to your master. One small step at a time. As you become more and more comfortable and trusting, the more you will be willing to give over.

  Also, it seems that part of your situation comes from moving from marriage to a D/s relationship. In a marriage, you just assume that you are both communicating well. In a D/s relationship, it's a good idea to make an "obvious" effort to communicate. Does he read your journal to know that you are struggling? Do you have a special time each day to sit down and talk?

  This is a relationship and it takes 2 people to make it work. I have been taught that a master should create a desire for his sub to do something for him. If she desires to please him, she will do anything for him. Is that not submission - doing what he wishes? Let's say he gives her a chore to do that is not pleasing or fun to her. He can receive her submission by telling her that he will reward her later. Submission should feel good. There's no reason that a Master can't help overcome her struggle.

  Finally, let me tell you this analogy that I've been taught. Each of us has this little girl inside us. We put her in a small box, lock it, and hide the box away for no one to find. When your master comes knocking at your door, do you open the door and immediately show him to your little box in its hiding place? No. In fact, we probably don't even let him in the house the first time he knocks on the door. After all, he 's a stranger. He comes again and again and eventually, you let him in. You take him to the living room and chat. You become to trust him. You allow him to wander. He goes down the hall and knocks on another door in the house. Do you unlock the door? Maybe... He comes back each day and he comes again to the inner door. You let him in. Each time, he gains your trust and is allowed further and further in the house. Some day, he may reach your room and you may gift him with your little box - your true inner submissive self. With time, with trust, and with communication, we can "give" our masters our complete submission.

  No, it's not easy to overcome your stumbling blocks. Submission requires inner strength, trust, communication and personal understanding.  I do hope that you'll become active in the community. (You might encourage your master to join as well, sis.) Learning, studying, talking, and thinking will help you on your way. I wish you the best.

yours, sweet-moni

¤Éãĝľėś¤♥«śωëëť­•mõʼnĩ»

 

Hello sis,

   Let me first say welcome.

 For me it took me over a year to find what makes me happy. Being submissive has been very rewarding to me. 

   It takes time to work out what makes you both happy. Having a deadline is not good. You can not do it without support from him.

   Being submissive/slave is something I think we all can do, with the correct amount of support. If you have time come into the chat room everyone that is there can help you and give you good support through your journey. 

  Take care and keep in touch. 

Good luck, mstigerIL89

hello Sinstress  sis, welcome. Ok ok, you have heard fro m alot in here already, but i read your post, hon, and i was like, " ohhh man!"     AS CJ Sir said, the ultimatum sets the submissive up for failure. Why? Because we do not all come to our submission all at once; we don't all operate at the same pace. Agaon i ask why is that? Simply because, we all have diffrent experiences  that we bring, different thoughts and feelings, different ideas about how submissive we are or what we want and need out of being able to serve Another and being His.

 

*sighs softly* i could say a bunch of things here , but will try to okeep it simpler.

Sis, although your husband is the DOminant now, it sounds  to me like he is just saying it as a means of " Because I said so!"  To have one be submissive to that One, i feel thta He needs to learn the emotional and mental workings of HIs submissive, in order to ensure the best way possible to make her wnat to do as He asks, to do it well, and help her gain confidence in her abilities and grow, flourish.

 

 This dealine has the tone of " You wil ldo it or else...." This to me not  only sets the submissive up for failure- since she has no guidelines to reference to , and it can also lead to a great deal of stressing out and resentment. A surefire way to kill any relationship is to make things so that she cannot feel any encouragement from her One, or see any light at the end of the tunnel to give her hope.

 

There are no boundaries here, no required way to go about accomplishing this feat, no any alternative methods as means to reach a certain goal that is beneficial to His submissive.

 

Becoming a submissive takes time, trial and error with different  things, whether they be toys, essays, talks, making lists, journalling- a myriad of ways to grow and learn.

Mayhap the two of you, besides having some very deep and intense discussions, read up on things together? Something that i just recently went back to, was castlerealm.com (and yes, CJ Sir, i have been going through Your website You and yours, and the other sisters, did  a lovely job. Lots of thought and effort, time , went into it * smiles gently*)

 

Something for a novice Dominant( as your husband does sound like one, under soem pretty serious misconceptions about how to "make" you submissive) :

 

A Different Loving

The Loving Dominant

Screw the Roses, Send me the Thorns ( a very popular reading!)

 

I have just one of those books now, accidentally left the other two back in the old  place, that i had to leave from. I am curious to get new ones, and start reading those books. I really thiink you and your Mastre.husband would get a great deal of learning. you can start in csatlerealm in the subspace section. and he in the Dominant's section. you can also have a great many readings from CJ Sir's website, A Submisives Journey. Many submissives have written what they think is the meaning of submission, what it means to them.  Both websites come with many links for you and Him to gain greater referencing, more learning and understanding.

 

Sis, i am not saying that your Master is a bad mna, per se. i AM , however, saying that as a novice, there is a great deal of learning to be done, and ignorance can only hurt the submissive, if indeed He is not ade aware of how to possibly try new things or treat s submissive for the greater good of serving  Him.

 

Learning and understanding take time; one can grasp the abstract, but the actual applications of these new learnings require constant communication, trust, and time. Safety is paramount, and both sides  MUST be consenting as to what will and won't be done, what each is willing to do or not do. Without that consent, it's abuse/

 

You said you are very independent; so are we all, sis! It is natural to wonder if you will ever be able to do something. Your independence is not necessarily a weakness. As a submissive, you need to be strong- emotionally and mentally as well as physically.

 

My main concern is this : With this sort of a deadline hanging overhead,  how is affecting other areas of your lives. Wabt to talk? Talk aobut expectations, needs and desires, or fill out a  checkkist. THAT is a good discusion! lol

 

sis, welcome once more. i hope that this deadline thing will be taken away, so that you will be allowed to explore what your submission wil be for you.

 

blessed be always,

 

 

 

Well said, soul sis!  Thank you for your input as well.

 

I have been told that CJ Sir has spoken to sinstress and I believe she has a clearer vision of what needs/is to be done.

 

W/we all wish T/them both a happy journey in the lifestyle.

 

sinstress has been in the chat and is very nice.  She expressed her thanks to A/all for their input.

 

She is lucky to have such a wealth of information and informed individuals here.

 

--hippo

 

thanks, hippo, for the compliment *smiles softly*. Thank you, also, for the update on sinstress. i hope that things go well, and sinstress, i am glad you got to meet hippos and CJ Sir. Hope you had a chance to meet some of the  others. Have faaith in all you do, sis. you may  sometimes fall on your bottom, but you will never 'fail'. Each success and trial and error will be a learning experience.

 

Also, sorry for all the typos. i was typing pretty fast, trying to keep up with my thoughts *grinzz* - oh gawd, were they zoomin!   Was having trouble keeping eyes open, was  totally exhausted. ( yeah, i know tis late right now- slept 3 hours already, and woke up. promise, going back to bed soon, since i better be prepared for a lot of packing today for upcoming  move into new home. *groans, as this one is tired of packing and unpacking  for God only knows how many times now*!! )

 

respectfully  always,