How does a submissive submit when she’s depressed? When she feels worthless, how can she be worthy of her Master’s attention? When she feels lower than dirt, how can she be there for her Dom? When she can’t take care of herself, how can she serve her Master?  On the flip side, what is the Dominant’s responsibility when his submissive is feeling low?

Problems Depression Will Cause in a D/s Relationship

Depression in a BDSM or Dominant/submissive relationship is dangerous, especially for a single submissive or Dominant. A single submissive who doesn’t feel good about herself is likely to fall prey to abuse. A single depressed Dominant may end up rushing into a relationship with a submissive who isn’t right for him because he needs to feel wanted.

A submissive can’t submit when she’s depressed. Submission isn’t in the actions, but rather the feeling behind the actions. When a submissive is depressed, she is numb, tired, disinterested. She just doesn’t care about anything - her responsibilities, her appearance, her Master.

The Dominant's Responsibility Toward a Depressed Submissive

When the Dominant partner sees the signs of depression in his submissive, the Dominant does have a responsibility to her well-being. Regardless of the nature of the relationship, whether the Dominant is a Top, a Dom or a Master, it is up to him to take care of his brat, submissive, or slave. He needs to be the support system she needs to get her back on her feet, and he needs to realize that when his submissive is depressed, this is not the time to make any major or minor decisions.

Help can come in various forms, but most importantly, the Dominant needs to remain calm and nonjudgmental.

The Depressed Submissive's Responsibility to Herself

Submissives, you need to recognize the signs of depression and do whatever you can to help yourself as well. Your primary responsibility is to take care of yourself so you can take care of your Master. While this may seem unimportant while you’re feeling so low, service is the very nature of your submissive being.

Advice for Depressed Dominants and Submissives

Subs - if you’re depressed and single, you need to realize that rushing into a relationship is not going to make you feel better. A Dominant can’t cure you of your depression. You need to cure you of your depression. Your decision-making skills are dulled by the depression, and any choice you make in a Dominant will probably not be the right one. There are exceptions to the rule, but do beware.

Dominants - same advice goes out to you. You can’t take care of your submissive if you can’t take care of yourself. You shouldn’t rush into a relationship either, thinking a partner will validate who you are as a person. It won’t work out.

If you can’t love yourself, how can anyone else love you?