The decision to have a contract or not is something that varies between Dominant submissive (D/s) couples and BDSM partners.  For every person that says they are worthless, there is another person saying they are an absolute necessity.  That being said, I’ll give you some of my personal thoughts on contracts.

Contracts have both a practical and an emotional purpose.  They are excellent tools for setting out expectations and for noting progress within the relationship.  Emotionally, it gives a deeper meaning to what you are about to undertake as the contract is your written word of honor to making it succeed.  Written to cover a few months at a time, (which is a good idea for new relationships)  it allows room to grow and allows for natural changes that occur with experience.  If the contract is designed with a great deal of thought and communication, it will leave few ‘grey’ areas that could become contentious.

There are things though, that can make this marvelous tool a hindrance rather than a help.  Be specific about what each expects from the other. Being too vague immediately negates the whole purpose of the contract. For example, rather than saying ‘the submissive shall obey the Dominant in all things’, a way to assure a bit more success would be:   ‘the submissive will follow the rules and training that the Dominant provides.  We cannot hold another responsible for that which we have not told them are their responsibilities.  On the other hand, being too specific is setting ones submissive up for failure, while insuring that you will have to be a 24/7 police officer to insure that all the laid out details are being followed!

If you use common sense, thought, and communication, it will easy for you, as part of a relationship, to decide if a contract is right for you.  If it is, the same things will help you design one that will work for you. 

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Related Dominant submissive Lifestyle Book or Reading - Contracts

The Control Book

by Jack Rinella

The Control Book is about the fine art of taking control of your partner. It's about the processes involved, about taking control, using control, about ensuring that you have control, and-importantly-about giving control back once you are done with it. The book discusses how this works-the psychology of it-and looks at what can go right, and at what can go wrong and how to fix it. It considers the role of authority in the equation, and looks at how to manage the control you have over someone so that it is both effective and rewarding for you both. I believe that a very large part of the activities which we include under the umbrella of BDSM rely explicitly or implicitly on control being asserted over one person by another. My goal in this book is to talk about control, explain what it is, demonstrate it, show how to take it, how to give it, how to manage it, and more. I want you, the reader, to be aware of the ebb and flow of control around you and through you.

Peter Masters gets inside the conscious, subconscious and the unconscious of us all as he deconstructs, and reconstructs what it is about control that for some of us is an immensely delicious turn-on. Within the context of BDSM play, the book delves into the whys and wherefores of control and the power exchange. The book steps back and analyzes the steps, thought processes, results and possible ramifications of the use/exchange of control. This is an especially refreshing read in the BDSM realm which is deluged with too many (some are quite anemic) how-to books on the mechanics of the lifestyle. Each chapter leaves you to ponder questions you must answer within yourself. A great read for the serious player, or a novice who wants to take a walk on the psychological side of the lifestyle. My only complaint is that it should have been a bigger book, as I think this subject could be examined further.

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