When Dominants Crash

The Dominant. Immovable. Immutable. Able to handle any situation, regardless of its size or scope. The knowledge of the universe at the tips of their fingers. The ability to lead a life of perfection, and to create such a life for those who have gloriously surrendered themselves in total and abject submission. Unlimited talent to play their submissive like a Stradivarius violin, evoking emotions and physical pleasures that they have only dreamt of before. A life of perfection, in all ways, for always.

               Right.

The Dominant. Moveable. Vocal. Handles most situations well, and deals with life pretty much like everyone else. Is constantly learning. Leads life to the best of their ability, and guides their partner through the mine field that is day to day living. Plays as often as possible, and to the best benefit of both themselves and their partners. A life of reality, in most ways, for most days.

              Sound a little more familiar ?

Most Dominants lead a fascinating life. They hold not one, but two lives in the palm of their hands. Every aspect is controlled. Every detail scrutinized. They are fully expected to maintain absolute regimentation, with dignity and respect. Their very aura is one of serene Mastery always. They are respected and revered as leading the greatest of all lives in the Lifestyle.

Now let me explain what that really means. Before we even involve anyone else, there is the issue of ourselves. To master Mastery, we must first get our house in order. We must be a physically healthy as possible (remember that you now have someone else’s life in your hands if you do not take care of yourself, then how do you intend on taking care of another?). We must be emotionally healthy (baggage, no matter where it came from, must be returned. Are you flogging your submissive for pleasure, or beating your aggravations out on someone whom does not deserve them, nor understand why?) We must be clear of heart, clear of mind, and clear on what we are. (settle any unresolved issues within ourselves before involving anyone else.) We must be dedicated to honoring the basic principles of our lifestyle; trust, honesty, respect, communication, tolerance, mutual support, and probably most importantly, genuine care for those in the lifestyle. A constant commitment to keeping an open mind, and to learning whenever possible. A total dedication to always understanding and respecting limits. Genuinely hearing was is being said to you and learning from the information. Honoring your words, deeds, and most importantly yourself, in everything you do. Once these and a thousand other facets are understood and appreciated, then we can involve another. As you accept another’s submission, you accept their life as your own. Their thoughts, feelings, their very essence are merged into you. They seek out their life in you, firm in the belief that you are real and ready to accept this most precious gift. You begin forming what will be your life together, in charge of all that is involved. It is a monumental undertaking.

"The road to hell is paved with good intentions". I love that quote, and particularly enjoy how it applies here. Even with all the right intentions, even with all the knowledge available, even with all the best of abilities and actions, there sometimes comes a time when a Dominants world comes crashing down around them. It is painful because your best efforts have a created a world that is now in crisis. It is fearful because you begin to question why this is happening, and if you have the ability to make it right again. It is hurtful because you know that not only you, but also your partner, are in pain.

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Crashes occur when all of life’s aspects must be dealt with at once. They can occur to anyone, at any time. They are real. They are normal. They are nothing to be ashamed of. If you hit bottom, don’t be afraid to say so, or ask for help. The image of the stone-faced Dominant facing insurmountable odds is appealing, but not realistic. We are human before anything else, and it is not wrong to ask for help if we need it. I would much rather help a fellow Dominant past a crash, and respect them far greater for asking, than watch them suffer to maintain an image or a position. Be real enough to respect your humanity.

What separates us one from another is how we deal with a crash. Interestingly enough, I have found it useful. It pointed out where I need to improve, and why. It pointed out that I am still in contact with my humanity. It showed me that I am strong enough to survive one, and how I can survive another should it occur. It showed me the warning signs of one on the horizon and how to diffuse it long before it gets to me. Most of all, it showed me that I must always respect life and its lessons, and to learn and grow at every opportunity.