The Dominants Council

Throughout our society we have many different resources we can turn to to settle disputes, arguments and claims.  In most cases, there are firm guidelines established to determine what is “normal”, expected or required of many things we do.  Courts, Arbitration panels, laws, rules, these all follow fairly rigid and firm guidelines and standards.  In most cases things are fairly black and white.  Even the gray areas have well defined guidelines to determine outcomes.  If someone does something, it’s measured against “the norm”, if it doesn’t conform to “the norm”, then society’s standards are applied and what has been deemed by society to be “the norm” is used to correct the situation. 

Unfortunately, within the Dominant / submissive or slave (D/s) lifestyle, our norms don’t always tend to fit what society in general considers “the norm” to be.

 By the very nature of a D/s relationship, each relationship can be very unique and individual.  What one relationship would consider their normal, another relationship considers to be harsh and unusual, while yet another would consider it to be mild and passive.  With this in mind, how can any one set of standards begin to be applied to D/s as a whole, how can any relationship be judged by others? 

 It is difficult to get any size group of people together within the D/s lifestyle that members of the group can’t tell tales of groups failing and ultimately becoming inactive because of the inability to make decisions to move forward, the mistreatment and abuse of slaves or submissives and to a lesser extent, Dominants in the D/s lifestyle.  We’ve all heard the tales.  A girl is hurt, a Dominant is not treated with the respect He deserves and countless other variations.  Yet in many cases, if you talk to the individuals concerned, one or more of them is convinced and honestly believes what they did (or didn’t do) is/was perfectly normal within the relationship they have/had.  Who can help to resolve this, figure out what is right and wrong if they can't figure it out for themselves?

Across the country, and for that matter, around the world, there are many D/s groups.  Admittedly, some more active or organized than others.  The purposes of the groups are almost as diverse as the types of D/s relationships.  When analyzing the intent or purpose of these groups, nearly every group, somewhere in their written or unwritten list of purposes or goals, is the goal to provide in some form “support or advancement” of the D/s lifestyle to those within the group.

People tend to gravitate towards groups where they share a common interest or bond.  If you find a group that doesn’t seem to share your interests, you tend to move away or ignore the group.  If you find the group tends to see things your way, you tend to bond with this group and participate.  In a similar fashion, if the group sees you as outside of their norm, you tend to be excluded or shunned.  If they see you as a good fit, you’ll tend to be more aggressively welcomed or pursued to participate within the group.

With this in mind, why not use these groups to help us establish our own set of norms or standards.  Use this group to help us resolve issues or problems within a relationship.  Use the group to help us to see what might be detrimental or even abusive to our own relationship.

 Many groups or communities have established what I prefer to call  a “Dominants Council”, although the name may vary, the purpose is essentially the same.  The council generally consists of the more experienced or senior members of the group or community, usually the majority of which is Dominants, but not exclusively Dominants.  (Methods of appointment to this counsel and the size of the council vary and will be discussed later in this text.)  The purpose of the council is a form of “binding arbitration”, binding only on the member(s) of the community or group.  Their “arbitration” is never unsolicited, it is NOT their function or purpose to go out and seeks issues to decide on, rather it is their purpose to settle disputes, disagreements and even lifestyle protocols to all those “in their group or community” that have requested arbitration.

 The power, or enforcement capability of the Council may vary from group to group, however, in most cases, it is deemed to be absolute.  Members appearing before the council agree to honor the decision of the council, regardless of what the decision may be or is.

 Let’s look at a couple of over simplified examples of types of issues the Council might be called upon with a group or community to resolve.  These issues can be seemingly simple and non-consequential issues, such as “what is appropriate attire to wear to the next group function”, but they can also be as far reaching as a Dominant has issued guidance to His slave that He is going to enforce a punishment that is obviously abusive, and will cause physical or mental harm.  In fear, she approaches the council and asks for them to intercede on her behalf to rule on the use of that form of discipline.

 What gives this Council the right to decide on what we do in our own individual relationship?  What makes us think that they know more than we do about how our relationship should or should not be conducted?  How can this Council speak for all of the members of the group  as a whole?  I guess the reality is, they can’t.  But, then again, the reality is we can’t really do a Master / slave contract, yet we still do them don’t we?  Society tells us many of the things we do aren’t within the “norm”, yet we still do them don’t we?   The answer is this Council can make decisions for us because we ask them to and we agree to abide by their decision.  Our acceptance of this body as a logical method to be judged by our peers, peers familiar with and supportive of our lifestyle, makes this the most practical method of arbitrating any situation unique to our lifestyle.

 No, I don’t know of any court in the land that would lend credence to the decision of a “Dom’s Council, but then again I’m sure there might be a defense attorney or two out there that could make a good argument for it. 

The composition of the Dom’s Council is very important.  The members of the council should be aware of their responsibility to the group or community as a whole.  It is not their right or responsibility to try to establish protocols, limits or rules for the lifestyle in general, rather only for those in their immediate group or community membership.  Again, what is right and proper in one group might be looked at differently in another.  The members of the council should be amongst the most experienced members of the community.  Diversity within the lifestyle and the different aspects of the lifestyle should be a strong consideration in deciding membership.   Ideally, each of the members will have the ability to look at a situation with an open mind.  They must be willing to look at a situation from all sides of an issue, without bias. 

Dominants should generally compose the majority of members of a Dom’s Council.   To do otherwise would be contrary to the general principles of what this lifestyle is all about.  At the same time, to ensure fair representation of the submissive/slaves viewpoint, and to provide for a well rounded overall judgment of all aspects of the lifestyle, generally at least one submissive/slave is included on the council. Generally, a Dominants Council will consist of threee (3) or five (5) members.  Depending on the size of the group or community, or the purpose of the Council, this number may be increased but is never less than three (3).  Rulings or decisions of the council are always by majority vote, with each member of the council having one equal vote.  Members of the council should not be involved in any type of D/s relationship with any other member of the council.

 Methods of appointment to the council varies by group or community.  In some cases it tends to be the founders of the group/community, in others it tends to be by a form of election, yet in others it tends to be by appointment from the governing body.  Membership on the Council should always be voluntary.  Some council’s are formed when it is decided there is a need for a decision, others are formed in advance for a specified period of time and convened when appropriate, regardless of issues to be decided.  Ideally, members of the council should be representative of the majority of the members of the community.  To ensure maximum support and participation of the council, the method of determining the council should consider the desires of the group or community as a whole.

There are upsides and downsides to a “Dom’s Council” and if we search a bit most of us will find them.  Equally so, it can be counted on, not everyone will always be happy with the decisions reached by a council.  However, with that said, the Dom’s Council is an alternative we can avail ourselves to on decisions or disputes we have no other way of deciding.  They represent a forum that we can plead our case or cause to and get a concurrence to back what we believe is right, or they represent a safeguard to protect us from ourselves.  While they may not agree with our relationship the way it is conducted, it is at least a forum that should have some insight, understanding or acceptance of who and what we are and what we do.

I invite your comments and thoughts on this topic.  Equally, I invite you to submit methods your group or community uses to resolve issues or disputes within their membership including your comments regarding the success, or failures of various methods you've observed.  Other pages here on the Asj website will provide you with additional information regarding a Dominants Council and other mediation methods available within the lifestyle

                                                   CJ.

Questions about the D/s Lifestyle or the Asj web site?    Click the ask live icon to chat live or leave a message with our site host.  CJ isn't always available, but generally you can find Him here from about 8:30 - 11:00 pm Eastern time. Your questions about the site, the Asj community or just about the lifestyle in general are always welcome.  If nothing else, take a moment and tell us what you think of this feature!  

 

 

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Revised: October 28, 2016