Having a Dominant submissive (D/s) Relationship
- author unknown
Disclaimer: Although i enjoy
this author's viewpoints, he tends to use the terms "discipline" and
"punishment" interchangeably. For a better understanding of the
difference, please read "Discipline vs Punishment".
Additionally, as I'm sure it will become obvious, this article
is not intended to be all inclusive of every aspect of the Dominant
submissive (D/s)
Lifestyle, nor is it meant to be a one size fits all in it's
entirety.
Like all my writings, this is
more for myself than anyone else. Dominance and submission
(D/s) has always been a part of my life, both my greatest torment
when not understood by either myself and those I shared my thoughts
with, and finally the source of greatest contentment and pride when
I finally realized how beautiful and loving an exchange it is. In
a way, it is impossible to describe or explain it to another unless
that person has the creativity and capacity to see its full
potential to draw two people so close together that *everything*
they have inside of them can be revealed and that is when they can
be loved unconditionally and completely.
le to a dominant submissive relationship is
that there are no rules. What each submissive wants or needs is
different and takes varying forms. I am writing this with a
particular submissive in mind, and that is the kind of woman who is
so full of love that she longs to give herself unreservedly to her
Master. It is written for those women who want to be a full-time
slave girl, who enjoy the sensual pleasures of being spanked (and
more!) and who want to be disciplined when they do not meet their
own personal goals and the guidelines for behavior set by their
Master.
The only ru
Why she wants to be a submissive
The Importance of Submission
In my conversations with submissive
women, one thing stands out prominently and that is very few men
realize the importance that submission holds for her. It is far
more than a physical experience, it is an emotional connection with
you so meaningful that it contains her very soul. Though d/s is
often very light and spontaneous and sometimes treated as a special
sensual playtime, for her it is what is most real in her life. It
is NOT a game. To treat it as such is to do her a great injustice
for it trivializes her greatest expression of love.
Not all women want to be a 24/7 slave
girl. This manual is written for to the man lucky enough to have
found a woman who does. In it I will try and express as many of
her submissive feelings as I can and to give you ideas on how to
treat her so she feels that being your slave is an intrinsic and
natural part of her daily life with you, just as much as it has
already been an intrinsic element of her being.
Submission is Erotic
Before I get lost in some of the
reasons why being submissive is such a powerful desire, I want to
make the point that being submissive is extremely erotic. It
touches her sexuality in the most powerful way and when combined
with all the mental, emotional and physical aspects of a
relationship, it can often be the most sexually intense and
emotionally fulfilling experience a woman can ever have. In fact,
many women have confided in me that they are afraid of the intensity
of their sexual energy. They fear they should they reveal the full
extent of their sexual excitement at being a slave girl they will
not be understood. Often, the smallest of looks or commands will
leave them drenched with sexual excitement. As her Master, it
should be your pleasure to extract each nuance of sexual pleasure
from her.
When she gives herself to you
completely, she is also giving you the freedom to explore the depths
of her sexuality and passion, to take her places she cannot go
herself, to have experiences she probably cannot ask for. She is
depending on you, her Master, to give her the push to get beyond any
resistance you may encounter.
Getting past resistance is where your
strength and understanding as a Dominant is essential. If you back off
instead of encouraging her onward (by spank or by praise) she will
not be able to explore the depths of herself. She needs your
unconditional love and support to feel safe to go where she cannot
go alone. As you sexually open her body to you, you are also
opening her heart and soul.
Though changing rapidly, most women
have been raised to be ashamed of their sexual feelings. Being
with a Dominant who treasures a woman's natural sexuality enough to go
far beyond where most stop is an extremely liberating experience for
her. It also touches upon her desire to be able to reveal herself
as she truly is as you help her by removing her falsely imposed
conditioning. Even if she cannot ask, it is important to
understand that the sub *wants* to overcome her resistance as much
as the Dominant wants her to.
As your relationship grows and she
becomes more comfortable and trusting in her knowledge that you
understand her feelings, she will find it easier to admit certain
sexual desires to you. From time to time, have her tell you a
"secret" fantasy of hers, or give her the assignment of writing you
a short fantasy. It's often easier to put something in writing
than to have to say it verbally...
Another way you can free her sexuality
is to have her admit to you how exciting a certain activity is for
her. If you are giving her an erotic spanking, have her tell you
how much she loves it. "Begging" can also be a way to encourage
her to express herself. If you suspect she enjoys anal play more
than she can admit, hold the bottom plug against her opening but
don't insert it until she "begs" you to have it slipped inside her.
In this way you are "forcing" her to make an admission she
probably wants to make, but is too embarrassed to share with you on
her own.
Being Taken Care of
"I always found the Dominant
submissive (D/s) articles to be
the most exciting. I found the men - their strength and command -
highly erotic. I thought that being that "taken care of" must have
been the most wonderful thing in the world. The Dominants I talk to are
forever asking me about this, I always tell them it's not the ritual
(though I like the ritual) or the punishment that I'm looking for,
it's the freedom to not have to be in control, to not have
responsibility. I guess that's because, in most of my social
circles, I'm the person who's expected to have all the answers."
A woman wants a man to be strong and to
protect and watch over her. She wants to be able to relax in the
safety of his arms and the world that he creates for her. If you
can do that for a woman, you will see something inside her blossom
and grow, and you will marvel at the treasure you have discovered
that was always inside her but which she never felt safe to reveal,
so afraid was she that it would not be appreciated for the
incredible gift which it is.
Knowing she has your Love and Care and
Attention
Part of her feeling of being taken care of by
you is knowing that she has certain rules and limits for herself.
If she disobeys them, she expects to be disciplined. When you
are correcting her behavior by a punishment of some kind, several
things are happening. The first is that you care enough for her to
correct her. It is proof to her that she has your attention and
you are watching over her, making sure she does what is best for
herself.
If it was a task or command of your own
that she disobeyed, then your punishment leaves no doubt in her mind
that she must obey you and that allows her to feel secure in her
submission to you. If you set rules for her then never check to
see they are followed, your message to her is that she is not worth
the effort it takes to see that she has obeyed. You are
unconsciously saying she does not deserve your attention. This
lack of attention may touch many emotions in her going back to her
childhood years...
This is an area where the formality of
the d/s roles can enhance a relationship in incredible ways. As
the Dominant, you want your rules obeyed and she wants to obey them and
be recognized for her desire to please you. If she "overlooks" a
rule it is often a test to see if you care enough to catch it, and
for you it is an opportunity to show her that she will not be
allowed to get away with anything. The stricter you are in
supervising her, the more she will feel your attention and the
happier she will be.
Stripping away the Pretenses
"The real experience, seems to me to be
when the Dominant and the submissive (each in his or her own way) reveal
themselves to each other completely with total trust that they will
be accepted EXACTLY where they are at. We do not have the right to
expect our person to admire every single trait of ours, but we do
have a right to unconditional love. "We can find people who are
pretending they are someone other than who they are anywhere, the
whole point of d/s is to strip away the pretense, the little secrets
about ourselves that we are convinced that nobody could ever love us
if they knew about."
The following short exchange that may
give you a better idea of how the exchange of power and her trust in
you lets you find her true essence:
Me: It's all a power
exchange.
The submissive has lots of control, but the thrill is in giving that up
in order to go new places inside herself.
Her: Honestly... I don't believe
that in a good dominant submissive relationship that the sub is in control. My
Master taught me that he could make me want things that I swore,
initially I had no interest in wanting. He really did control
me, because he found the me I couldn't always find myself.
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A Transition to the other side of Oneself
One marvelous aspect of submission is that it
is a wonderful way to escape from yourself. The transition to that
other side of your personality can be very exciting and sometimes
difficult, but that's part of the thrill. During the day different
aspects of our personality come into the forefront as we move from
one role to another. For example, there may be a big difference in
one's personality at work as compared to home. Keeping up
these roles requires a large amount of psychic energy which over
time can become exhausted. On of the great attractions to d/s is
this balancing of energy by experiencing the opposite role.
At work, your submissive may be very powerful
and dominant and carrying a great deal of responsibility. Being a
mother at home is tremendously demanding and requires a great deal
of energy in caring for and supervising the children. If she has
spent her day instructing and inspecting others, she may crave the
transition from that position of authority to one of servitude.
When she can become your slave girl, she gets a relaxing respite
from the stresses of her life. She can renew herself by once again
becoming a little girl who is loved and looked after. Instead of
having to cope with the stress of making decisions she can surrender
to you and do exactly as she is told knowing she is safe in your
care.
Being a Master
If you truly want to be a
Master, you will do everything in your power to enable your woman to
be who she really is, and that is a woman full of love and
sensuality and passion and who wants nothing more than to be free
and safe enough to show you the full extent of it. Few men deserve
the title of Master and part of what it takes is a true love of
women and an appreciation of their intelligence, sensuality and
passion for life, and then to have the strength and confidence to
bring out the best in her. Please, if you love her, make her life
as your slave as complete and as real as you can.
She cannot be Submissive if you are not
Dominant
One thing of PARAMOUNT importance is
that your slave girl feel that she is truly being controlled and is
acting on *your* commands, and is subject to *your* whims. If she
feels your actions are for her alone, she will feel in control of
the situation and this is exactly what she does NOT want to feel.
In order for her to be submissive, YOU must be in charge of her in a
very real and definite way. Remember that this manual is written
for the sub who wants her submission to be a daily part of her life
and the more she feels she is under your control and care, the
happier a slave girl she will be. It is very confusing for her if
your control is just within the context of a scene and does not
carry over into the rest of your relationship. It will help if you
think of your control as being an integral part of your relationship
rather than an "imposition" on her. The more you see her
enthusiasm and gratitude in response to your actions, the easier it
will become for you.
Never forget that her desire to please
her Master is an essential element of her submission. Though you
both know she loves to have the experiences you are giving her, she
MUST feel that it's for your pleasure equally, if not more than her
own. Being submissive is her gift to you, a way of pleasing you as
completely as possible. If she thinks your control of her is only
for *her*, it just doesn't work. She wants to be your slave, to
feel she has no choice in what she is subjected to and this REALITY
regarding her submission is tremendously thrilling for her.
Recognizing her efforts to Please
"The most "protected and cared for" I ever
felt was when my Dom called me "princess" (I wonder if that is
something going back to childhood...)" If there is one single-most
favorite phrase a submissive woman wants to hear, it is "Good Girl".
She wants and needs to have her efforts to please you acknowledged.
It is very difficult for men to understand that pleasing the man
she loves is to her one of the greatest pleasures in her life. It
is an emotional fulfillment so deep that it goes far beyond any
sexual expression. By giving her your praise as frequently as
possible you are confirming that you recognize and appreciate her
for who she is and for the love she has to give you.
Difficulty in Asking
You must take the initiative with her.
If she has to "ask" you to control her, it once again puts her in
charge and does not allow her to feel submissive. As a Master, you
get to indulge yourself in what *you* want! Give yourself permission
to act on your whim of the moment. Believe me, to a sub, this is
when it all becomes very real and meaningful to her. There will be
no doubt in her mind that you want her for *yourself* and whether or
not she enjoys it is secondary. Only in this way can she feel that
she truly belongs to you and is there to serve you. If you are
going to experiment in taking charge, err on the side of being more
controlling than less. I can't tell you how many women I have
complained that their Masters don't give them the control and
supervision they crave. Remember, your control is a
demonstration of taking care of her and your discipline is proof
that you are paying attention and will insist she does what is best
for herself.
How to make her feel Owned
The feeling of being owned is one of the most
secure and desired feelings a sub can have. She wants to be
reminded at all times that you are in control of her and that she is
safe and watched over under your command. She *wants* you to be
strong for her, so she can grow under your care and guidance.
Think for a moment of the potential your relationship with a woman
who loves and trusts you so much that she wants to be *owned* by
you... What closer bond can you have?
There are many ways to make her feel
that she belongs to you and I will share with you some of my
favorites. Ask her often, "Who do you belong to?" Not only does
this strengthen the depth of your relationship but many women have
told me it is very erotic for them to be told to touch and name
different parts of their body and then tell you it belongs to you.
Here's a quote that will make this
clearer: "Personally I *love* it when various parts of my anatomy
are called upon. For example, during a spanking, I like to be
reminded that this is Master's bottom and he can do as he wishes
with it."
How you address each other can also be
confirmation of your roles. For example, calling her by a pet name
can indicate your position of authority while requiring her refer to
you with some title of respect such as Sir or Master further
emphasizes her submission. Being "owned" is a total experience.
It means she is subject to your whims at any time and no reason is
necessary beyond the fact it is something you want. For her,
there is great excitement and anticipation in being used for your
pleasure and never knowing what your next command or task may be.
She may be fully clothed and busy one moment and naked and
kneeling before you the next....
The importance of Ritual in Creating a
Submissive State of Mind
A submissive state of mind is very much
an altered state of awareness. Listen to the quality of her voice
change the moment she knows you are actively controlling her. You
may find it grows softer and quieter as she lets slip away the more
assertive aspects of her personality, showing you that vulnerable
young girl within. It is often a dramatic transformation and one
that at times may leave her very non-verbal. This state of deep
submission is sometimes refereed to as subspace. It is *the* place
where she wants to be and the deeper you can take her, the more
intense everything becomes for her. You can make it easier for her
to go into subspace by the use of ritual. Keeping a certain
formality and pattern when leading her into a scene makes it easy
for her to recall past events and more easily slip back into a
previous deep submissive state.
Building her anticipation for an event
is a wonderful way to give her time to get into her submissive head
space. It let's her imagination come into play and builds up her
sexual arousal as she tries to envision what you have in mind for
her. Try telling her firmly to be in your study at a certain
time without saying why. In the meantime, she can indulge in her
submissive feelings by wondering what she may or may not have done
and she'll be imagining herself being subjected to all kinds of
marvelous things. Or, in great detail tell her *exactly* what will
happen to her at a point in the near future then forbid her to
mention it. See how this works?
There are an almost infinite number of
ways to make her feel submissive. Position and symbology play a
great part. Perhaps the most effective is to place her in a
collar. A collar is a very powerful symbol of ownership, love and
commitment and should be treated with great respect. When she
wears your collar she is telling you that she is yours completely
and will try as hard as she can to please you in whatever you may
ask of her. It will always be in her mind that she wears her
collar for *you*.
Having her assume certain standard
slave positions is a way to both signal her that you are now moving
into a more formal role with each other and also allow her to return
to quickly enter a submissive state of mind.
I like to enhance her state of
submission by the use of a unique perfume. Have her wear it each
time you have a special scene with her. In this way, the scent
becomes identified with her submission and the next time she smells
it, she will be more easily transported back into the depths that
she had reached during your previous scenes.
Attention to Detail
Your attention to detail is important.
You know what you want her to do and it's important that you
communicate that clearly to her. Beyond that, it has several
other purposes. Not only does it focus her attention on you,
but it lets her every day thoughts and stresses in her life fall
away, and this is a wonderful escape for her. As her Master, you
want to give her tasks that draw out her submission and if she does
allow herself to be distracted, her attention needs to be brought
back to you with a few quick swats. This also allows her to feel
that she has *your* attention as much as she has yours.
Limits and Rules
The Desire for Structure A
submissive woman often craves more "structure" in her life and there
can be many reasons for this. If her parents acted inconsistently
with her, it can often created the longing to know where she stands
in relation to them and what is expected from her. Never knowing
what is acceptable and what is not can be a very confusing situation
for a child. By giving your sub very clear limits and rules on her
behavior, you are now creating an environment for her where she can
relax and be secure in the knowledge of what is expected of her and
how she can best please you.
Testing Limits
Setting rules and limits for your slave
girl is extremely important for it is within these boundaries she
feels most cared for. As part of her feeling secure within the
relationship, she needs -- even unconsciously -- to test her limits.
This is an extremely important point. If she breaks a rule and
you let it slide without bringing it to her attention, you are not
allowing her to feel safe within your care. She can't feel
safe within your limits, if the limits are not there or are vague.
This testing process is something that never really stops though
at first she will feel the need to test you often until she learns
that you will follow through. The sooner you do that, the quicker
she will feel the reality of your concern for her.
A submissive woman *wants* a strong
Master, one who sets guidelines on her behavior that are for her own
good and then who has the strength and authority to be sure they are
followed. It's almost impossible for me to emphasize how important
a point this is. The most common and biggest complaint I am told
by submissive women is that their Masters are not "strict" enough.
Inconsistency on your part is see by her as a sign of weakness, and
she cannot feel submissive to a weak man.
Be Consistent
Remember that her greatest desire is to
feel that she has lost control to you and must do as she is told.
If she does not do exactly as instructed she wants to know there
will be a consequence, for if there is not, she will not feel your
control of her is real. If you let her down by allowing her to get
away with breaking her rules, she will feel that your control over
her is not real. It's like saying you don't care for her enough to
watch over her and she will feel a very definite lack of attention
from you.
Some Examples of Rules and Limits
The kinds of rules and limits you set for your
slave girl depend on your wishes and insight as to what you feel is
best for her, taking into great consideration her goals for herself.
I would suggest that in the beginning, the fewer rules you have
for her the better. This way she can be very clear on what is
expected of her and it will make it easier for you to enforce them.
Sit down with her and discuss the rules you feel she needs. I
think you'll find she knows exactly what they are and will welcome
your help in "assisting" her to accomplish them.
Household chores are a good starting
point. Make a list of daily chores for her and see that they are
done such as making the bed, all kitchen dishes put away, etc.
Hold frequent inspections. Remember, she will need to test you
very much at first and only when she feels sure she'll be
disciplined for not doing them will she be able to get them done
knowing she has no choice about it -- which will be a tremendous
relief to her.
Here is a quote that shows the subs
desire for having rules: "I am very good at "rules"... I like
to feel like the man has control in many ways. Not in my work life
or who I can talk to and such but in our personal relationship.
Little things like what I am to wear when with him... or certain
behaviors I am supposed to follow... my Dom used to have me kneel as
soon as we were alone together, and riding in the car I was to
always have my skirt hiked up. "
Spankings and Discipline
It is very thrilling for your sub to know she is subject to your discipline.
She wants rules and
limits set for her and knows that there will be consequences for not
obeying them. If there are no consequence then she cannot feel the
control that she longs for. Accepting a spanking where the focus
is on correcting her behavior rather than for her own pleasure is
proof of her submission to you. It makes your control of her very
real. There is a big distinction between a spanking given for the
pure enjoyment of it and one given as punishment. Though many
pleasure spankings are given under the guise of a punishment for
misbehaving, it's clear that the focus is on its eroticism and the
"punishment" aspect is just a pretense.
Some submissive women would never want
a spanking they thought was given as a punishment. For them, it is
a completely pleasurable experience and they don't want them to be
associated with a punishment" in any form.
However, there are some submissive
women who *love* to be spanked as a punishment and there are several
reasons for this. We all grew up knowing that spankings were given
as a punishment and though now as adults we find them pleasurable,
the connection between spankings and punishment still remains and
can be a very hot erotic trigger for the sub. If she started
having spanking fantasies at a young age when having your bottom
paddled and being punished are one in the same, they will often
revolve around the idea of being punished for some reason, whether
real or imagined.
Due to societies generally negative
view of d/s and s/m, many women who crave a spanking or whipping
often have great conflicts about it, wondering how they could
possibly be so "strange" or "weird". It is often not an easy
admission to make, so it's much easier to rationalize the desire for
a spanking by connecting it to a wrong doing in order to "earn" a
spanking rather than having the freedom to simply ask their lover
for one.
The Desire to be Perfect
There is a tendency in some submissive
women to be "perfect". Though this can be an admirable goal,
it can often be taken to extremes and that's something to be aware
of. I am now talking about the desire to strive to improve, to
make an effort to do the best job possible, and as we know, that
takes a great deal of energy. Here is a quote that illustrates
this point: "I started thinking about why punishment appealed to me
and I wasn't sure if it was just another way to test limits... or
the thought of the luxury of having something to "make" me do the
things I really want to do anyway... but, instead, I allow life
(work, fatigue) get in the way. "I have very high expectations for
myself... I am lucky in the fact that I am intelligent and
beautiful... but I think given these "gifts" that they should be
utilized to the fullest extent..."
A submissive woman like this wants to
be "pushed" into making a greater effort with herself. She knows
what she is capable of achieving and wants help in making it a
reality. To me, this is one of the most positive aspects of
spankings treated as a punishment. As her Master, your
responsibility is to take care of her and to see she does what is
best for her. You need to work with her to be sure her rules and
limits are for her own benefit and help her to meet her own personal
goals. If structured this way, the focus of the spanking is not
because she was "bad", but rather she is being spanked to help her
improve herself. In this way, your discipline of her is another
way you can show her you love and care.
Here is a quote from a woman who loves
the thought of being punished for not meeting her own standards of
behavior for herself.
"One of my fantasies is to have someone
in my life just for the purpose of correcting my faults. He would
make me keep a list of all my misbehaviors. Being lazy at work, or
late. Eating junk food, or not going to the gym. Being rude to
people unnecessarily. I would have to keep a list, and once a week
he would come and read the list. Or more. And he would make me
describe each incident, he would lecture me about it, he would
establish a separate punishment for each offense on the list. And
I would be told over and over what I'm being punished for, or would
be required to recite it to him. Twelve swats of the paddle for
this. Six strokes of the cane for that, you know. He would read
them off the list in random order, call me out of the corner at any
moment to take my next licking, send me back to the corner
afterwards."
This is one of my favorite quotes
because it so clearly illustrates the connection between behavior
and its punishment. There is no doubt in her mind on why she is
being punished and she accepts her punishment knowing how much it
will help her to improve her behavior in the future.
For a sub, it is quite a luxury to have
a disciplinarian in their life and to not have to rely solely on
their own will-power. We all have chores to do that are not
particularly enjoyable and if left undone it weighs on our minds and
becomes a burden. As her Master, you can provide the "incentive"
she needs to get what needs to be done finished and out of the way
so it does not hang over her and drain her energy.
The thought and anticipation of being
punished for not doing something is often extremely exciting and
this enables the sub to tap into her sexual energy to complete her
chores. For example, scrubbing the kitchen floor is not much fun
but the knowledge that she's in for a good spanking if it's not
completed can add tremendous sexual energy to her task.
You can also assist her in this by
telling her that her work will be "inspected" and if not found
adequate she'll be disciplined. By the way, the word "inspection"
is a very *hot* trigger for most subs. Knowing her work will
be reviewed helps her to focus on the task at hand to do the kind of
quality job she really wants to do but has to struggle with finding
sufficient energy.
Punishment as a way of Absolution and
Forgiveness
Another aspect of being "punished" is
that it allows her to let go of any self-imposed "guilt" over her
behavior. This is especially important for those women who strive
to be perfect and have the tendency to be self-critical. This can
be compounded if she was raised in an environment where past
mistakes were never forgotten but were continually brought to her
attention. When she is punished, she can face her mistake, accept
her punishment as a motivation to improve (not for being "bad"), be
completely forgiven and then to happily move on.
Some Cautions over Punishment Spankings
Since a punishment spanking is going to
be harder for her to endure than one given for pleasure, you want to
be sure she is in the right mental head space for taking one. In
other words, she must feel the spanking is deserved, so my advice
here is never punish her for something left unclear. Make your
rules very clear and specific so she knows *exactly* when she is
breaking them. If it helps, set time deadlines so she can't claim
she was "just going to do it." Another caution here about being
consistent. If you punished her one week for breaking a rule and
let the same infraction go the next, you are giving her very mixed
and confusing signals which will make it difficult for her to take
your control seriously, and this will have very negative
consequences to both your roles. She will need to test you until
she feels secure you are going to follow through so *be consistent*
-- this is extremely important.
Preparing her for Punishment
A punishment spanking is often more
filled with ritual than most any other scene and draws very much on
her anticipation of an event that she knows will be a test and
challenge to her. Sending to her room to await you should excite
her greatly even though she knows the spanking may not be that
enjoyable. Making *her* fetch the implement used in her correction
is an added erotic embarrassment. You may want to have her strip
in advance and go to the corner to reflect upon her infraction and
what steps she is going to take in the future to avoid a similar
lapse. Or, you may want to have her place herself face down on the
bed with a pillow under her hips and paddle beside her. If you
want to see just how exciting the anticipation of a punishment can
be, have her wait at least 10 minutes before you come into the room
and then check her for wetness.
You may want to lecture her on her
behavior, emphasizing *exactly* what she did to earn this
correction, and during the spanking itself, pause several times and
give her the chance to promise better behavior in the future. This
is important as it keep the emphasis on the punishment as motivation
to improve her behavior and not because she was "bad" or displeased
you for not getting it done.
The focus of a punishment spanking is
less on her pleasure (even though it will at least initially be very
exciting) so you may want to give her less of a warm up than usual
before increasing the intensity of the spanking. If you tell her
in advance how many strokes she is to be given it may help her to
endure the spanking knowing when the end will come. If this is the
second spanking for the same offense, be sure to increase the number
of spanks so she gets the idea that a future lapse will be met with
more severity.
As further confirmation of your roles,
after the spanking she should thank you for taking the time and
effort to discipline her, and then it's up to you if you want to
ravish her or send her to the corner! The point I'm making here is
that even though this is "punishment" there's no reason it can't end
in pleasure for her. After all, she has been "punished" and all is
forgiven.
Some alternate punishments may be
requiring her to write a certain number of punishment lines. This
is more of a childhood punishment but is very effective as it has
less eroticism connected with it than a spanking.
How to enjoy your slave (in ways she'll love)
Here are some suggestions on
how to enjoy your slave girl, get your way, and at the same time
emphasize the depths of her submission.
Exploring Embarrassment
One wonderful aspect of a dominant
submissive relationship is that it
lets you explore so many emotions in safety. When done with love
and care, embarrassing your slave girl can be an extremely intense
experience for her and one that will make her feel very controlled.
When you give her an embarrassing task and she obeys, it is a way
you can both feel the strength of your respective roles. Her
obedience in being embarrassed proves to you both that she is your
slave girl and will do whatever you ask of her. As her Master, you
want to think of as many ways as possible to demonstrate this and
you will feel that your control of her is as complete as possible.
Many ideas for increasing the depths of her submission utilize
embarrassment in one form or another. One point to keep in mind is
not to intrude upon the privacy of other people who do not
understand the kinds of exploration that goes on in a d/s
relationship. Be creative and you will find many ways she can be
thoroughly embarrassed in front of others while being the only one
that knows the real reason she is acting as she is.
Positions
There is a direct connection between
your subs physical position and her mental/emotional state.
Kneeling before you will instantly put her in a submissive state.
Have fun exploring positions and be sure she maintains the proper
position and keeps good posture at all times. If you are relaxing
on the couch reading or watching TV, call her over to you, perhaps
you will use a "pet" name for her as a signal that she is now your
slave girl and has no choice but to obey. Tell her to kneel at
your feet for awhile and that she is not to move or speak until
given permission. Have her pay attention to her posture, and if
she slouches give her a correction of some kind. Perhaps putting
her over your lap for a few quick spanks before having her resume
her position or by simply giving her nipples a few pinches. Of
course, the next time she gets careless with her posture, the
correction will be a bit stronger. In this way, she will know that
she is there just for you and that though you don't feel it
necessary to be actively engaged with her, she also knows that you
are paying attention to her and are enjoying her company.
Another suggestion would be to put her
on shoulders and knees in front of you and bare her bottom. She is
your slave girl and if you want to enjoy her feminine charms you may
at any time. You might also tell her to reach back and spread her
cheeks so you can better enjoy the sight of your little pleasure
slave. If you wish, tease her a little with some caresses and then
go back to your book or television program.
One of my favorite activities is to
have a crop handy and on occasion to give her a few nice swats for
no reason other than you enjoy seeing a few stripes on her cheeks.
She will LOVE this and it makes clear that you enjoy giving her
these sensations as much as she loves receiving them. I'm sure you
will notice an instant sexual reaction to being subject to your
control in this way. Crops are wonderful because not only can you
redden her bottom with them, you can also use them to tease and
caress her pussy. Alternate a few more strokes with pleasuring her
and then as a wonderful embarrassment, moisten the tip of the crop
with her wetness and gently press it against her lips and have her
lick it clean. In this way, she has to admit to herself how
excited she is by what you are doing to her. You are reminding
both her and yourself of how much she loves being your slave girl
and she no longer has to "hide" the intensity of her sexual
reactions to being your slave.
Focusing her Attention
To send her even deeper in her submission,
focus her attention. For example, while she is still on shoulders
and knees, balance the crop across her hips and tell her she is to
not let it fall. So now, not only is she in this sexual and
submissive position, but she must concentrate on obeying *your*
command and this lets her focus on you and allows her to demonstrate
just how important obeying you is to her. Of course, I don't need
to tell you what should happen if she does squirm and let's the crop
fall, do I? The only question here is does she get just six
strokes or twelve? A very erotic example of focusing her attention
is to instruct her to keep her nipples hard for you during a
specific playtime.
Focusing her attention on you is very
important for it let's her draw on her real desire to please you by
being a good slave girl. This is both a challenge to her and also
something she very much wants to do. Much of the formality of d/s
is to find ways you can both very clearly express your care for each
other.
A Sweet Torment
Another very exciting idea is to place
her in this shoulders and knees position and to play with her
sexually. Enjoy her slight moans of pleasure for awhile and then
firmly tell her she is not to make any sound at all as you continue
to tease and caress her. Be very clear that if she breaks your
rule, there will be a consequence... Such a sweet torment, isn't it?
If she reaches the level of excitement where she does let a moan
of pleasure escape her, you have the choice of going back to your
book for a time leaving her to await your touch or to "punish" her
with a nice spanking before resuming. This is the kind of spanking
that I personally love the most. It is a "punishment" for moaning,
but it is also for her pleasure and yours. Of course, the spanking
will only excite her all the more and make it even more difficult to
keep silent as you instructed -- but that's the whole idea!
Ice
Since I like this image so much, I'll
continue a bit further! The next time she moans, have her bring
you some ice cubes and then get back in position. If her bottom is
sufficiently warm at this point slowly rub the ice cube over her
reddened cheeks. For many women, this is an exquisite sensation.
Just a quick aside here... this is a good example of something she
may *want* to experience but cannot ask for. This is where your
strength, initiative and creativity as a Master all come into play.
Don't be afraid to experiment with giving her new sensations.
As the ice becomes smoother, rub it
slowly over her inner lips and pussy. You may chose to insert it
into her vagina or if it is sufficiently small and smooth slide it
slowly into her tight little bottom.
Asking Permission
Another way you can constantly remind
her that she is under your control is by having her ask your
permission. The more of her own independent action is restricted,
the more her submission will increase. One example that emphasizes
this as well as serving as a subtle embarrassment is to have her ask
your permission to visit the bathroom. This touches upon the idea
of her losing certain personal privacies which can increase the
intimate bond between you both. If she blushes, it's a good sign!
If you take her out to a restaurant
take away her menu and decide on her meal yourself. This will not
only increase her submission to you, but also relieves her of having
to make a decision for herself.
Another very romantic and even more
embarrassing experience for her would be to order nothing for her
and then feed her from your own plate. From time to time, place a
tasty morsel on your fork and have her lean forward to take it from
your hand. I think this is a very sweet way for her to feel close
and dependent upon you.
It's very common not to allow a sub to
climax without first being given permission. She is "allowed"
pleasure only upon your command which will emphasize your control
over her. It also increases the anticipation of finally being
given permission which can hold her on the edge of a climax for an
extended period which will build its intensity.
Not only may she not climax without
permission, but she may not even be allowed to touch herself without
permission. By setting this rule for her, you are making her admit
her desire to touch herself by asking for your permission which is
also a way for you to know how excited she has become by your
commands.
You may want to try holding her right
at the edge of a climax and then order her to come for you in a
commanding tone of voice. You may find this has a remarkable
effect. Some women have the ability to be trained to climax on
command and there are various techniques that can be used to
accomplish this though I won't go into them in this document.
Pulling her Hair
One very *hot* erotic trigger for many
subs is having their hair pulled. Not in a hurtful way, but as a
very sensual experience. For many women, this can be an extremely
powerful turn on and you may be surprised by her reaction. Call
her over to you and caress her hair for a moment before gathering it
up in your hands before firmly pulling her face toward you for a
passionate kiss -- she will melt in a puddle on the floor!
Treating her as a Cherished Pet
Many submissive women love being
treated as a pet. We all know how much love and attention our pets
receive and it should be thrillingly embarrassing and sweet -- not
at all degrading. Pet's are often kept on a collar and leash too,
aren't they? Try this on a special evening together. Have
her undress and kneel before you. Tell her she is to be your
pet for the evening and lovingly place her collar upon her and
attach her leash to it. Tell her she is to be your sweet little
kitty and is not allowed to speak unless given permission.
Instead, she must meow and purr to you.
One very erotic idea is to have her
purr and meow for you as you caress her. Perhaps, if your loved
pet is in "heat", have her rub her little pussy against your leg as
a way of begging for more attention. Be sure to bring her to a
climax while allowing only mews of pleasure...
It is an incredible feeling to have a
woman you love and who loves you napping at your feet while you hold
her leash in your hand. Make a little nest of pillows and
blankets in a corner and make that her special place. As a pet,
she is not allowed to stand or to use the furniture. Perhaps
you'll put out a little saucer of milk for her to lap...
A theme such is this gets very much
into role-play which can be a wonderful escape from the stress of
your lives. It is a unique time when you can forget about being
adults and return to the innocent and creative play of children.
Anal Play
For some women, anal play is the
ultimate in submission and pleasure. Because of the privacy and
intimacy of the area, it is very difficult for her to ask for you to
touch her there. This is another time when your authority as her
Master to do whatever you wish no matter how embarrassing it may be
for her is essential. Talk to her about her feelings on this
matter. If she admits a desire for anal stimulation, suspect that
she may enjoy your playing with her there much more than she may be
able to admit. As always, this is something you should have many
conversations about. There are some women who absolutely hate any
type of anal play. Not only is slipping a well lubricated finger
into her bottom erotic, it is also a tremendous reminder that she
has lost all privacy with you and creates a strong reminder of her
submission to you. To bring this to her attention, I like to make
the sub play an active part in this intimate surrender by having her
squeeze my finger.
Anal play most often includes the use
of a bottom plug which is a wonderful way to keep her in a
submissive role while going about her chores around the house or
even out in public. Keep in mind that for her wearing a bottom
plug is not a punishment, but a wonderful reward.
Here is a story related to me that will
give you an idea of how exciting the idea of being submissive in
public can be and how it can be done in a way that does not intrude
on anyone's privacy (except hers!).:
"Dinner... fancy restaurant. All
dressed up. You order. He hands you a present... beautifully
wrapped... tells you not to open it yet... Instructs you take it
with you to the restroom. Open it and do as the written
instructions say... also to bring back your panties for him...
inside of course is a plug... which you are to insert. You then of
course have to carefully bunch your panties into your hand or purse
and carry them back to him and discreetly hand them over... all the
while filled from the plug... and if wearing thigh highs feel your
naked flesh against the booth. Of course the evening must end with
a delicious, erotic spanking... Maybe in the car in the parking
lot... for starters.