Control Dramas in the Lifestyle
Within the lifestyle we constantly deal with exchange of power, however many people are unable to wield or surrender power properly based on their past experiences. Overcoming our past is one of life's many battles we must fight each day.
The simplest way to describe how people act when trying to
manipulate their way into power is from the The Celestine Prophecy: An Adventure
According to the book "we tend to manipulate or force others to give us attention and thus energy. When we successfully dominate others in this way, we feel more powerful, but they are left weakened and often fight back. Competition for scarce human energy is the cause of all conflict between people." We have seen this in the lifestyle, look at the terms we use such as "topping from the bottom", and these things are not limited to the bottoms manipulating the tops, in many cases the tops manipulate the bottoms a well.
In this novel there are described four control dramas: "the Interrogator", "the Intimidator', "the Aloof" and "the Poor Me". The first two are aggressive in nature, the second two are passive, many people use more than one of these methods of manipulation. They are also opposites on a scale Interrogator/Aloof and Intimidator/Poor Me, when one is used the other party often falls into the opposite role in self defense.
"Interrogators" try to control things by suspiciously and judgmentally interrogating people, to elevate the interrogator, and devalue the receiver by causing them to introvert, question and doubt their behavior.
"Intimidators" use fear to control things, they are like the school bully, the guy who black mailed you or chased you home daily, a teacher who liked to poke fun at you and humiliate you. Intimidators can intimidate in as many ways as there are fears to use.
"Aloof" people try to create mystery and intrigue, so that people will wonder about them, giving them attention.
"Poor-me's" feel like victims to other people, reality, fate, God, etc., and try to control things by playing victim.
While dominants tend to fall into the aggressive side of things and submissives into the passive side, each can swap to the opposite side when they have "had enough".
Recognizing these methods of manipulation is key to finding a way to get ourselves out of them, we cannot make someone else step out of the role, but we can stop ourselves.
