Sunday, January 22, 2012
The Realities within a Dominant submissive
Relationship
Class log 1-22-2012
[CJsHere] 9:16 pm: since Rod brought
up "Real Life", perhaps we'll touch on a couple of real life issues,
[CJsHere] 9:17 pm: those are always
fun,,
[Rod] 9:17 pm: define "fun"
[CJsHere] 9:17 pm: lol..
[CJsHere] 9:18 pm: I think, let Me try
something a bit different this evening, let's see if I can lay out a
scenario or two, and perhaps we can talk about them, what's good,
bad, right or wrong about them,
[CJsHere] 9:19 pm: We all know of course,
Dom's are Dom's, subs/slaves are subs/slaves, they serve the Dom's.
[CJsHere] 9:20 pm: and of course,, what
the Dom wants, the Dom gets,, what He says, goes, end of discussion.
[CJsHere] 9:20 pm: but, is that always
reality?
[Matt] 9:20 pm: no
[Rod] 9:20 pm: nope
[cricket_NF] 9:20 pm: no Sir
[brandie] 9:20 pm: no it is not Sir...
[butterfly] 9:20 pm: no Sir
[prescott_AJ] 9:20 pm: no Sir
[Rod] 9:20 pm: say it aint so
[laynie] 9:20 pm: no Sir
[skye_Rod] 9:21 pm: depends on the
relationship
[Rod] 9:21 pm: not always girl
[cricket_NF] 9:21 pm: no it also depends
on real life situations
[Rod] 9:21 pm: depends on the
situation
[skye_Rod] 9:21 pm: ok
[blondie_E] 9:21 pm: agrees with Sir Rod
[CJsHere] 9:21 pm: If a Dom goes to
His sub/slave and says "hey girl.. let's talk about this,, I'm
thinking about buying a new car....",,, does that make Him any less
Domly because He asks the girl to talk about something,,, does it
make her any less a sub/slave because He wants her opinion?
[skye_Rod] 9:21 pm: no Sir
[Matt] 9:21 pm: no
[butterfly] 9:22 pm: no Sir
[cricket_NF] 9:22 pm: no Sir.. it is
realistic
[rowan-oak] 9:22 pm: not at all Sir
[prescott_AJ] 9:22 pm: no Sir
[blondie_E] 9:22 pm: No Sir
[Dema] 9:22 pm: no
[Rod] 9:22 pm: its His girl
[Rod] 9:23 pm: shares everything
in a way
[CJsHere] 9:23 pm: There is an old
saying,, two heads are better than one.. can anyone give Me an idea
of what that means,, or what its trying to convey when you say that?
[Rod] 9:23 pm: a car is a major
investment
[skye_Rod] 9:23 pm: different people
see situations differently so having more than one person looking at
a situation one might see something that the other did not
[cricket_NF] 9:23 pm: that 2 people
working together can cover all aspects of a situation better than
one working alone
[Rod] 9:24 pm: would be prudent to
slow down and get some opinions
[rowan-oak] 9:24 pm: that having two
people thinking about something, talking something through is better
than one person doing it all alone
[blondie_E] 9:24 pm: it's good to have
someone elses perspective...
[butterfly] 9:24 pm: two people may see
things slightly different so it may give the other person something
that hadn't seen before
[Rod] 9:24 pm: if My girls opinion
didn’t matter to Me shes the wrong girl....or Im the wrong Dom
[cricket_NF] 9:24 pm: good point Sir
[CJsHere] 9:25 pm: nods to all,, pretty
much right on the money,, there are a lot of things that one person,
by them self can't accomplish as easily as two... two different
views or opinions,, covering all the bases so to speak, and in spite
of all this,, D/s relationship or not, you're in it together..
[twinkle] 9:26 pm: to have a sub/slave
intelligent enough to discuss an opinion to assist the Master in
hearing another opinion, and supporting the Masters decision
[CJsHere] 9:27 pm: Not to offend anyone,
but,, yes, IMHO, there is a level of slave that no, don't expect
much input, don't expect a desire to share in the knowledge or
decisions,, but that level of slave is probably one of two
categories,, either a "pleasure slave", meaning a sex slave, pure
and simple,, or, the second category, what ever you want to call
it,, a slave that I, or most Dom's wouldn't want..
[Dema] 9:29 pm: very true
[CJsHere] 9:29 pm: Oh yes, obedience all
the way,, yes, tend to My needs, yes, abide by My decisions and
guidance,, but oh yes, always, always, be ready to step up to the
plate and offer an opinion when it's asked for, offer a suggestion
for a solution when I ask for it,, and equally important,
[CJsHere] 9:29 pm: be ready to step up
and help Me see when I can't see,
[CJsHere] 9:29 pm: and believe Me,,
that can be a difficult challenge..
[CJsHere] 9:30 pm: cause I'll tell you
this,,, (trade secret),,, I don't know of too many Dom's that aren't
hard headed and stubborn,, and occasionaly rather egotistical..
[CJsHere] 9:30 pm: (who Me? )
[CJsHere] 9:30 pm: but then again,,
aren't a lot of sub/slaves?
[Rod] 9:30 pm: Me either...lol
[Dema] 9:31 pm: lol
[skye_Rod] 9:31 pm: LOL
[CJsHere] 9:31 pm: so real life says,,
you have to cover each others backs,,,,, [Rod] 9:31 pm: how true
[skye_Rod] 9:31 pm: no matter the
dynamics... its still a partnership
[skye_Rod] 9:32 pm: two (or more)
people who care for each other
[CJsHere] 9:32 pm: okay, here's one,,
I don't think I've used this scenario before with anyone here,,
(we'll soon see).. Let Me spell it out for you,,
[Rod] 9:32 pm: in this lifestyle
its even more crucial because the communication skills are so much
more heightened
[CJsHere] 9:33 pm: A Dom owns a girl,
whether she is sub or slave is unimportant,, and we'll say they've
been together for a bit,
[CJsHere] 9:34 pm: One day, the sub calls
the Dom and says "Sir, will you stop at the coffee shop and bring Me
home a cup of coffee after work,, please.. " of course the Dom knows
she really enjoys this,, and why not, she's been a good girl.. so he
says "sure sweetheart, I'll stop and get it,, see you soon".
[CJsHere] 9:34 pm: hmm, I don't see
anything wrong with that,, anyone else see a problem ?
[Rod] 9:34 pm: not at all
[laynie] 9:34 pm: no Sir
[butterfly] 9:34 pm: no Sir
[prescott_AJ] 9:34 pm: no Sir
[Dema] 9:34 pm: nope
[brandie] 9:34 pm: no Sir..
[CJsHere] 9:35 pm: okay, let's take it
a step further,,
[Rod] 9:35 pm: its not for
everyone though
[skye_Rod] 9:35 pm: not really
[CJsHere] 9:35 pm: before long, this more
or less becomes a habit, He stops and gets her coffee on the way
home each day,,, I mean, why not..
[CJsHere] 9:36 pm: still nothing wrong with that,,
but, it continues day after day, and more or less becomes a ritual..
[brandie] 9:36 pm: that is a lot, even
for a vanilla couple..
[blondie_E] 9:36 pm: she doesn't
appreciate it anymore?
[skye_Rod] 9:36 pm: it becomes an
expectation
[skye_Rod] 9:36 pm: not something
special
[Rod] 9:36 pm: the "special" fades
away
[Dema] 9:36 pm: no longer a treat
[butterfly] 9:36 pm: agrees with skye
[blondie_E] 9:36 pm: and maybe feels
like she's been a 'bad girl' if she doesn't get her daily treat?
[CJsHere] 9:37 pm: then one day, he's
pressed for time,, and He doesn't stop for coffee,, he comes into
the house, and she asks, did you get my coffee for me?
[Rod] 9:37 pm: hand her a map
[skye_Rod] 9:37 pm: LOL
[Dema] 9:37 pm: and walking shoes
[CJsHere] 9:37 pm: a look of
disappointment in her eye,, now here comes the questions,
[Rod] 9:37 pm: yup
[CJsHere] 9:38 pm: first, is it fair
that she seem disappointed when He said,, "oh, sorry, I was rushed
and didn't have time"..?
[Rod] 9:38 pm: better be looking up from her
knees
[Dema] 9:38 pm: no not at all
[CJsHere] 9:38 pm: reality check,,,
humans are humans,,, slave or not,,
[laynie] 9:38 pm: no it isn't Sir
[skye_Rod] 9:38 pm: the disappointment
isnt a bad thing.. kinda expected
[skye_Rod] 9:38 pm: she has come to
expect it
[Rod] 9:39 pm: shes still a
sub/slave so when the questions come ther hadbetter be some humility
added in
[CJsHere] 9:39 pm: remember how the
Dom got himself into this situation in the first place,, his
thoughts to himself, she's been a good girl.. so why not,, ie, it
becomes a reward..
[CJsHere] 9:40 pm: so, anywhere along
the way, has he conveyed to the girl... "you've been a good girl,
doing as you're supposed to.. here's your coffee..." (or words to
that effect..)
[Rod] 9:41 pm: He should have been
doing that all along
[CJsHere] 9:41 pm: IF he has,, hmm,
has He now let the girl down? ie., she kept up her part of the
bargain, she did what she was supposed to. after all wasn't it the
Dom that established this precedent?
[Rod] 9:41 pm: life happens
[CJsHere] 9:41 pm: so, if she's doing
her part,, why isn't He doing his?
[Rod] 9:42 pm: because life
happens
[Dema] 9:42 pm: reality happens
[butterfly] 9:42 pm: you shouldn't
expect to be rewarded everytime you do something.
[CJsHere] 9:42 pm: sure, this is just a
simple example, using a cup of coffee,, but, I'm sure, with just a
bit of thinking, you can find other issues, more of a consequence
this happens in,
[cricket_NF] 9:42 pm: shouldn't the girl
be doing things to please her Dom without a daily reward?
[CJsHere] 9:43 pm: but, clarify a bit,,
everyone is saying reality happens,, and yes, I agree with that,,
but,, now, if the girl didn't get her chores done that day,, is it
okay for her to say, reality happens?
[Rod] 9:43 pm: probably is
[Dema] 9:43 pm: true bug
[brandie] 9:43 pm: Sir, this is a cup
of coffee, like did He always get her a Starbuck's and now just gets
her a McDonald's coffee? Regardless ImHo, a perspective is
required..
[Rod] 9:43 pm: she would have to
explain it
[skye_Rod] 9:43 pm: why doesnt He have
to explain it...
[Dema] 9:43 pm: but getting work
done and not picking up coffee are two separate thiings
[laynie] 9:43 pm: well Sir that would
depend on why she didnt get them done
[CJsHere] 9:44 pm: oh, I agree bug,,
but again,, the point I'm trying to stress here,, (and missing),,,
how was/is the coffee being presented? is it being presented as,,
you do your chore, I'll do Mine and get your coffee?
[blondie_E] 9:44 pm: agrees with laynie
[Rod] 9:44 pm: depends on the
relationship as well....lots of variables here
[Dema] 9:44 pm: yeah many Rod
[Rod] 9:45 pm: getting the coffe
for My girl is not a chore
[cricket_NF] 9:45 pm: the reality is
sometimes things arent going to be balanced and W/we have to do a
little more than the ohter..it is give and take
[skye_Rod] 9:45 pm: i think both sides
need to understand that life happens. people get sick, cars break
down.. kids have a bad day etc
[laynie] 9:45 pm: agrees with skye
[Rod] 9:45 pm: doing things for My
girl isthe same as putting honey on My biskits
[CJsHere] 9:45 pm: nods to Rod,, I quite
agree,, but,, if you think about it,, and not just from the
perspective of something simple like coffee once a day,, heck, could
even be a movie once a month,,, We establish expectations
sometimes,, regardless of our role,, with our partner,, sometimes we
may not even realize we've done it,, and when we let our partner
down on the expectation,, ouch,
[Rod] 9:46 pm: makes a good thing
even better
[rowan-oak] 9:46 pm: agrees with
bug...things don't always work out even-steven
[CJsHere] 9:46 pm: now,, let's
complicate the situation just a bit,,
[Rod] 9:47 pm: I get what You are
saying CJ
[Dema] 9:48 pm: patterns like that
maybe arent good to start, make it random and cant disappoint?
[Dema] 9:48 pm: or be disappointed
[CJsHere] 9:48 pm: let's suppose that the
Dominant gets in the habit of bringing her that coffee every day,,
and again, let's assume that at some point he's says, you've been a
good girl,, so why not, here's your coffee".... but now,, things are
slipping just a bit in the house,, things aren't getting done quite
as well as they were, yet He still brings the coffe,, now what?
[Rod] 9:48 pm: they need to talk
[rowan-oak] 9:49 pm: now He's rewarding
her for poor service
[Dema] 9:49 pm: then you have a
spoiled child getting rewarded and not doing what they should be
[Rod] 9:49 pm: its his fault also
[CJsHere] 9:49 pm: nods, perhaps,,
but,, the talking aside,, have we now got a situation of
complacency?
[skye_Rod] 9:49 pm: she doesnt feel the
need to keep up.. she still gets what she wants
[CJsHere] 9:49 pm: bingo Rod! His
fault too.
[Rod] 9:49 pm: yup
[CJsHere] 9:49 pm: smiles to skye, uh
huh,, call it topping from the bottom,, ;)
[Rod] 9:50 pm: if Hes been
accepting it
[twinkle] 9:50 pm: depending on their
relationship, he may explain why the coffee is perhaps being
reviewed or that she indeed is looking at a punishment, i think
relationship and communication of action is key, Sir
[CJsHere] 9:50 pm: so here we are,, each
week, things get just a bit worse, yet the coffee still comes,,
[Rod] 9:50 pm: they need to re
evaluate
[skye_Rod] 9:51 pm: but twink.. He cant
just punish her.. its His fault too
[CJsHere] 9:51 pm: Many won't see
this, yet it happens all the time,, no, not just with coffee,, ;)
[Rod] 9:51 pm: they need a
discussion and a reality check
[CJsHere] 9:51 pm: anyone here drive a
car that's older than a few years old?
[curious_HB] 9:51 pm: and perhaps no
coffee
[Rod] 9:52 pm: usually
[laynie] 9:52 pm: yes Sir
[brandie] 9:52 pm: a discussion and
reality check over coffee for B/both
[skye_Rod] 9:52 pm: yes Sir.. 16 years
old
[butterfly] 9:52 pm: yes Sir
[laynie] 9:52 pm: 12yrs old
[twinkle] 9:52 pm: well guess he could
skye, but is why i mentioned review of the coffee and perhaps i
should claify punishment for not taking care of chores, duties to be
considered
[Rod] 9:52 pm: from a different
century?
[skye_Rod] 9:52 pm: Sir Rod's truck is
as old as i am
[skye_Rod] 9:52 pm: which is kinda cool
[Rod] 9:52 pm: older
[CJsHere] 9:52 pm: the example of the
car,, you get a car,, you drive it every day,, the damn thing runs
great, no problems,, and still you drive it every day, perfectly
content, heck, it's paid for,, upkeep is low,, drive on,, but,,
[CJsHere] 9:53 pm: then one day, you
loan your car to someone,, they drive it, return the car and say,
[CJsHere] 9:53 pm: what is wrong with
you,, driving that death trap,, [Rod] 9:53 pm: never loan the car,
the chainsaw or the sub
[Rod] 9:54 pm: nothing will work
the same when You get it back
[skye_Rod] 9:54 pm: LOL
[CJsHere] 9:54 pm: the little things that
go wrong,, you use the car all the time, you don't notice them as
they change, such a small change, mile after mile.
[CJsHere] 9:55 pm: so,, the things that
are going wrong, they are happening so slowly, so subtly, no, you
don't notice the change,,, yet anyone else, one quick glance, they
can see the problems,,
[CJsHere] 9:56 pm: that concept is the
case in a lot of relationships,, not just vanilla, but D/s as
well...
[Rod] 9:57 pm: W/we need to be
better than that
[Dema] 9:57 pm: sometimes too close to a
situation you just dont see it
[CJsHere] 9:57 pm: we sometimes need to
step back a bit,, try to look at our relationships, what we're
doing, how we're handling things from a different perspective, not
let complacency set in,
[CJsHere] 9:57 pm: exactly Dema,
[Rod] 9:57 pm: W/we oweit to each
other
[curious_HB] 9:57 pm: very true
[skye_Rod] 9:57 pm: indeed
[Rod] 9:58 pm: forest for the
trees
[Matt] 9:58 pm: yeah
[CJsHere] 9:59 pm: when the Dom says,,
or the girls say,, "we gotta talk",, listen to them, and when you
listen, make sure you aren't too close to the trees,
[Rod] 9:59 pm: or have that
chainsaw handy....
[Dema] 9:59 pm: nods
[brandie] 9:59 pm: interesting
point...never heard it put that way....
[CJsHere] 10:00 pm: it's easy to do. ;)
[CJsHere] 10:00 pm: Okay,, Dom's,
anything You'd like to add, or comment on?
[Dema] 10:01 pm: think I have said what
I needed
[Rod] 10:01 pm: valid points CJ
[CJsHere] 10:01 pm: girls, bois,, any
questions or comments you'd like to share?
[laynie] 10:01 pm: no Sir and thank You
for Your time
[prescott_AJ] 10:02 pm: no Sir
[cricket_NF] 10:02 pm: No Sir..Thank You for
Your time tonight...especially tonight Sir
[butterfly] 10:02 pm: no Sir thanks for a
good discussion
[CJsHere] 10:03 pm: well, as always, I do
appreciate your time,, and interest,, hope somehow some valid
information was put out. ;)
[skye_Rod] 10:03 pm: no Sir
[brandie] 10:03 pm: thank You for You time
[twinkle] 10:04 pm: thank You Sir CJ, for
the discussion Sir
[babydoll_RB] 10:04 pm: ty Sir

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