Wednesday, October 6, 2010
New to the Lifestyle?
Class log
10-6-2010
[CJsHere]
9:00 pm: well, tis about that time, I'll give it
about another 3
minutes, see if anyone else shows up and
we'll get started.
[CJsHere] 9:04
pm: Well, I guess it's time to get this show on the
road,,
[CJsHere] 9:04
pm: seems we have a small class this evening, but
that's okay,,
cause all the best are here,,
[CJsHere] 9:05
pm: since wilson
is new, I asked her if she wanted to suggest a
topic, but, as luck would have it, she
couldn't think of one, so I guess your
stuck with a topic I'll come up with,,
[CJsHere] 9:06
pm: hmm, and the topic for tonight,, paces nervously
as I try to
think of one, checks My Dom Book,,,, ahh,
here's one,
[CJsHere] 9:06
pm: Let's talk about being new to the lifestyle..
[CJsHere] 9:06
pm: I'm guessing, at least once, we were all new to
the
lifestyle.
[fire_AsjFG] 9:07
pm: more than once... ;)
[wilson]
9:07 pm: more than once?
[jade_DM] 9:07
pm: new to lifestyle myself about a month
[CJsHere] 9:08
pm: perhaps we had a feeling that there was something
we were
thinking or feeling, didn't know what it
was, but,, we worried a bit, "am i
normal".. "are these feelings, thoughts and
emotions okay to have"?
[jade_DM] 9:08
pm: i think so Sir
[Briteyes] 9:08
pm: heck I still think "am I normal" often lol
[CJsHere] 9:08
pm: I assure you, those feelings, those thoughts are
normal.. you
aren't insane, they aren't going to haul
you off to the loony bin,
[Briteyes] 9:08
pm: and yep its ok
[wilson]
9:09 pm: Well, can I ask what is "new to the
lifestyle" exactly-- "new"
as in only just started looking into it or
just started actually talking to
other people about it?
[CJsHere] 9:09
pm: all of the above wilson,,
[wilson]
9:09 pm: ah.
[wilson]
9:10 pm: I think I'm a bit weird in that area,
though maybe not...
[CJsHere] 9:10
pm: whether you're new to just starting to think
about it, or new
to starting to follow up on seeing what
it's all about.
[CJsHere] 9:10
pm: if you have to wonder if "you're new to the
lifestyle", then
yes, you're new.
[wilson]
9:10 pm: hahah.
[wilson]
9:11 pm: figures, Sir.
[CJsHere] 9:11
pm: but, in any case,, the first thing you need to
start thinking
about is ,,, what is it you want.... what
are you hoping to find in the
lifestyle... It's a bit about getting to
know yourself first.
[jade_DM] 9:12
pm: i wish i had know about the lifestyle 20 yrs
ago...
[fire_AsjFG] 9:12
pm: would have made things more clear...huh jade?
[CJsHere]
9:13 pm: There are a lot of people running around
looking for a Dom,
or looking for a sub/slave, only one
problem,, they wouldn't know the perfect
Dom/sub/slave if they bit em,,,, why?
[CJsHere]
9:13 pm: because they haven't given any thought to
exactly what it is
they are looking for or need.
[CJsHere]
9:14 pm: start off considering,,, what brought you to
thinking about
this lifestyle?
[CJsHere]
9:14 pm: is it the control, the discipline, the sex,
something to do?
what are you looking for.
[jade_DM]
9:14 pm: lot more clear Sir
[CJsHere]
9:15 pm: yes, it can be more than one thing, or a
combination of
things,
[CJsHere]
9:15 pm: everyone with Me so far?
[wilson] 9:15 pm: Are we supposed to answer or just
contemplate? >.>
[wilson] 9:15 pm: * unsure *
[CJsHere]
9:15 pm: and yes Dom's, this same list applies to
you..
[fire_AsjFG]
9:15 pm: yes Master
[jade_DM]
9:15 pm: yes Sir
[jade_DM]
9:15 pm: have a question though...
[CJsHere]
9:16 pm: either or wilson,,
feel free to ask questions, add your
comments, or share your thoughts,
[Jimmy13532000]
9:16 pm: yes still with you
[CJsHere]
9:16 pm: listens to jades question.
[jade_DM]
9:16 pm: if a girl has taken care of herself due to
having to...is
she able to be the true sub she wants to
be?
[CJsHere]
9:17 pm: smiles, I hear that a lot.. just because you
can blow your
nose, that doesn't mean you can't have
someone to look out for you.
[CJsHere]
9:17 pm: an example, a girl is 30ish,, she's never
been in the
lifetyle before,, who took care of her all
those years?
[Briteyes]
9:18 pm: mind a comment jade?
[jade_DM]
9:18 pm: ok what about sexually...
[CJsHere]
9:18 pm: no, perhaps she didn't take care of herself
as well as her
"Dom" could.. but she survived, didn't she?
[jade_DM]
9:18 pm: please Lady Brite
[CJsHere]
9:18 pm: listen to Brites comment,
[Briteyes]
9:18 pm: I no a number of subs male and female
[Briteyes]
9:19 pm: in the vanilla world they are in charge , in
high
management, type jobs
[Briteyes]
9:19 pm: does that mean they are not the true sub
within when they
are not at work
[Briteyes]
9:20 pm: I do not believe so they are some of the
best sub/slaves
there are
[Briteyes]
9:20 pm: IMO
[Briteyes]
9:21 pm: a person can be strong when life demands it
yet their true
self is always there
[CJsHere]
9:21 pm: if I may, there are those that are
submissive in almost ever
aspect of their life, just as there are
those that are submissive to no one, bu
their Dominant,s
[Briteyes]
9:21 pm: exactly
[CJsHere]
9:22 pm: whether you can fix a meal, dress yourself,
write a book, or
do anything, that doesn't mean you are, or
are not submissive.
[cece] 9:22
pm: can speak from experience, being a sub with a
management
position and having always taken care of
myself...never made me not submissive
[wilson] 9:22 pm: wouldn't that make it harder to get
in-- what? "character"?
That's not the right word...
[jade_DM]
9:22 pm: ok so say a girl has been vanilla her whole
life and has been
lost...now she has found the lifestyle she
wants....wants to make her Dom happy
and it makes her happy for him to be happy
but once and a while she wants things
she wants....is that wrong?
[CJsHere]
9:22 pm: not at all wilson,
[CJsHere]
9:23 pm: wants and needs, desires,, know the
difference, ;)
[CJsHere]
9:23 pm: but again, think about this,,, doesn't it go
back to that
list I was referring to a few moments ago?
[CJsHere]
9:24 pm: you have got to evaluate, decide what it is
that essentially
you are looking for..
[CJsHere]
9:25 pm: you can't find someone to tend to your needs
if you don't
have a clue of what those needs are.
[CJsHere]
9:25 pm: I can tell any girl.. " I've got you, I'll
take care of
you"... but wait? what am I saying, if I
don't know what her needs are, how can
I make that promise?
[CJsHere]
9:26 pm: so,, when I talk with a girl, if I'm going
to consider taking
ownership of her, I'd better make sure I've
evaluated what all is entailed in
that.
[CJsHere]
9:27 pm: the same goes for the girl.. if she's going
to come to Me to
care for her needs, she'd better evaluate
whether or not I'm capable of doing
so.
[CJsHere]
9:27 pm: it all comes back to square one,,, what is
it you're looking
for?
[wilson] 9:27 pm: it seems impossible to find someone in
the first place-- I
mean, "Hi, I'm Wil-- are you into the whole
D/s scene, by the way?" Is hardly a
suitable conversation opener.
[wilson] 9:28 pm: It does narrow your dating pool quite
a bit...
[CJsHere]
9:28 pm: smiles,, we'll get to that one
wilson,,, but, it's easier
than you might think,
[wilson] 9:28 pm: * relieved sigh *
[Briteyes]
9:28 pm: ;)
[CJsHere]
9:29 pm: I've had girls come to Me,, telling Me,,
"they're looking for
the control a Dominant can give them"..
control? lol.. control of what? Are they
looking for orgasm control. are they
looking to be told when they can or can not
go to the bathroom, control in putting them
on a schedule,, what control are
they looking for?
[jade_DM]
9:29 pm: i guess it comes down to communication when
you are already
in a realationship
[CJsHere]
9:31 pm: yes, a Dominant can be capable of
controlling all of those
things, some may want to, other will laugh
in your face,, remember, each
relationship is unique,, and yes jade, it
comes down to communication, but
again, the first communication has to be a
bit one sided,, it has to be you
being honest with yourself, what is it you
are wanting/needing?
[CJsHere]
9:31 pm: make sense?
[wilson] 9:32 pm: Yes Sir.
[fire_AsjFG]
9:32 pm: yes Master...
[Briteyes]
9:32 pm: yep
[Jimmy13532000]
9:32 pm: yes it does
[jade_DM]
9:32 pm: yes Sir it does
[gigifaye_JMY]
9:32 pm: yes Sir
[CJsHere]
9:32 pm: now, if you've figured out what it is that
you want, now you
can begin your search for the one
(Dom/sub/slave) that can fill those needs.
[wilson] 9:33 pm: umm-- real quick-- what is the
differnece between sub and
slave?
[wilson] 9:33 pm: diffrence?*
[jade_DM]
9:33 pm: so ok now i understand how long distance
lifestyle can
work...
[fire_AsjFG]
9:33 pm: giggles... *real quick*
[CJsHere]
9:33 pm: lol. that's a good question
wilson,, ask a dozen people,
you'll get 20 different answers.
[wilson] 9:34 pm: so much for "real quick"...
[wilson] 9:34 pm: >.>
[fire_AsjFG]
9:34 pm: :)
[CJsHere]
9:34 pm: let Me pass on that one for right now,
otherwise we'll get
way off topic,
[jade_DM]
9:34 pm: i belive it is the level of which girl and
Dom have their
lifestyle
[CJsHere]
9:34 pm: how so jade?
[jade_DM]
9:34 pm: well you said it is what the girl needs
[CJsHere]
9:34 pm: (referring to your long distance comment)
[jade_DM]
9:35 pm: if that is what she needs then that is why
it works
[CJsHere]
9:35 pm: nods, yes, that can be a good part of it,
[jade_DM]
9:35 pm: it would not work for me i am not disaplined
enough
[wilson] 9:35 pm: haha-- that sounds like an awesome
cover-all answer, you know?
[jade_DM]
9:35 pm: so i live lifestyle...i live with my Daddy
[wilson] 9:35 pm: Except maybe it ought to be "if that
is what THEY need, then
it works"...
[Briteyes]
9:36 pm:
wilson I believe on that your right
[Briteyes]
9:36 pm: it has to be what B/both need
[wilson] 9:36 pm: thank you Ma'am.
[jade_DM]
9:36 pm: yes very true Ma'am
[CJsHere]
9:36 pm: just remember, every relationship can, and
usually is very
unique, it's unique to those people
involved in that relationship.
[jade_DM]
9:37 pm: another good reason to do a check list
[wilson] 9:37 pm: ah. I'm afraid of those.
[wilson] 9:37 pm: >.>
[jade_DM]
9:37 pm: every relationship is unique
[wilson] 9:37 pm: it's a dumb thing to be afraid of, I
know...
[CJsHere]
9:38 pm: When you start making 'your list', you're
goign to find out
that you'll probably constantly be adding
to tha list, you'll also find out that
some of the things on that list "might be
negotiable".. and that's fine, but the
list will serve as your starting point,
[CJsHere]
9:38 pm: if you're afraid of it
wilson, it's because you don't
understand it,
[wilson] 9:39 pm: mostly I just feel like if I actually
make one someone in my
family will somehow find it.
[CJsHere]
9:39 pm: smiles,, not to worry, I've got a cure for
that,
[wilson] 9:39 pm: oh? That would be good.
[CJsHere]
9:39 pm: I'd recommend a "journal".. and yes, they
can be done online,
and yes, can be very secure.
[jade_DM]
9:40 pm: research what you dont know ASJ is full of
info....ask
questions....
[jade_DM]
9:40 pm: i found a journal works very nicely for
me...
[CJsHere]
9:40 pm: which brings up the point, this "list" you
work on,, might be
a sort of letter to yourself, it might be
an actual "list", there is no real
format to it that you have to use.
[wilson] 9:41 pm: i've heard of journals and books and
such-- but only for
people with Doms--
[CJsHere]
9:41 pm: it can be handwritten, typed out, done on a
spreadsheet, in
an online journal, etc.
[CJsHere]
9:41 pm: no, you don't have to be collared to keep a
journal wilson,
[Briteyes]
9:42 pm:
wilson
[Briteyes]
9:42 pm: think of it kind of like a dairy
[CJsHere]
9:42 pm: nods,
[Briteyes]
9:42 pm: but if its online on some sites you can
password protect it
[CJsHere]
9:43 pm: if you can't password protect it, I'd urge
you NOT to use the
site.. ;)
[wilson] 9:43 pm: Yeah, that dosen't have happy vibes.
[CJsHere]
9:44 pm: remember,, contrary to what many will tell
you, a journal,
done properly is a very personal and
private thing, and I urge you not to share
it with just anyone.
[jade_DM]
9:45 pm: it could be helpful for when you find the
right Dom if you
want to share with that Dom...could help
Him get to know you better.
[wilson] 9:45 pm: that would be really cool-- haha, what
a fluttery thought.
[CJsHere]
9:45 pm: nods, once you've gotten to know each other
a bit, and some
trust has been established,
[CJsHere]
9:46 pm: again,, a journal shouldn't be shared with
just anyone,
[CJsHere]
9:46 pm: in the Asj enclave, a girl reading another
girls journal is
sufficient cause to have a girl removed
from the enclave... no second chances.
[CJsHere]
9:47 pm: okay, so now, let's assume you've made your
list, and now
it's time to start looking for a candidate
to fulfill your needs.
[CJsHere]
9:47 pm: now what?
[wilson] 9:48 pm: you fall over because you know it
won't happen for evvver.
[Briteyes]
9:48 pm: now I want to go see how old
wilson
is lol
[wilson] 9:48 pm: haha.
[CJsHere]
9:48 pm: No, it doesn't mean you can't talk with
others that obviously
don't fill those needs, but,, it should
allow you right off the bat to determine
if someone is a potential prospect, of
don't waste your time, friends only so to
speak,
[wilson] 9:48 pm: Please don't.
[fire_AsjFG]
9:48 pm: 18
[fire_AsjFG]
9:49 pm: looked ;)
[CJsHere]
9:49 pm: so where do you find these people to start
talking to?
[jade_DM]
9:49 pm: chat room...munches
[CJsHere]
9:49 pm: sure, you can start right here, this is one
place, and the
odds are, most that are here are at least
aware of, or intersted in the
lifestyle.
[CJsHere]
9:50 pm: yes, you can start looking for munches,, get
togethers,
conferneces, etc in your area.. that again
should put you in an environment that
those there are at least lifestyle
friendly,,
[wilson] 9:50 pm: munches?
[wilson] 9:51 pm: and how do you find such things?
[jade_DM]
9:51 pm: i found asj because my Daddy tasked me with
finding a chat
room so i could learn more about the
lifestyle
[CJsHere]
9:51 pm: you'll also find a good source of meeting
people in the
lifestyle is thru friends,,
[CJsHere]
9:51 pm: in a few minutes, I'll give a couple of
links, resources,
munches, etc.
[new_seeking]
9:51 pm: if the friends are lifestyle friendly too
though
[wilson] 9:51 pm: awesome. :) thank you Sir.
[CJsHere]
9:51 pm: nods,
[CJsHere]
9:52 pm: yes, you have to make the assumption that
the "friends" are
at least lifestyle aware..
[CJsHere]
9:53 pm: but stop and think a moment, you meet
someone here,, no, they
may not be right for you,, but quite often,
watch and see, soon you'll find
someone saying, hey have you met so and
so,, they seem to be what you're looking
for,, those types of things,
[CJsHere]
9:53 pm: in many ways,, finding someone in the
lifestyle is much like
finding someone in the vanilla world.
[CJsHere]
9:54 pm: no, the odds are against the first person
you meet being the
one and only true one for you..
[wilson] 9:54 pm: do You think it's better to look for a
long-term relationship
in the "vanilla world" and hope he feels
the way you do, or does it matter?
[CJsHere]
9:54 pm: but again, it starts your circle of
acquaintances.
[CJsHere]
9:55 pm: lol. depends on what you're looking for
wilson,,, it they
don't feel the same way, then what do you
do?
[new_seeking]
9:55 pm:
wilson....do you want to be happy?
what if "he" never
comes around to your way of thinking?
[CJsHere]
9:55 pm: are you ready to deal with those emotional
issues?
[cece] 9:55
pm: my opinion wilson,
nope, searching vanilla for a Dom doesn't
work
[fire_AsjFG]
9:56 pm: agrees
[new_seeking]
9:56 pm: agrees with cece
[Briteyes]
9:56 pm: only way I see that 'maybe' working is if
you only want D/s
in the bedroom
[CJsHere]
9:56 pm: yes, it's possible, you find someone in the
vanilla world
that comes back and says, oh great, that's
just what I've been dreaming of,,,
but the odds,, are strongly against it,
[fire_AsjFG]
9:56 pm: and just *taking your chances*... well...
you will find
yourself very unhappy later
[CJsHere]
9:56 pm: nods in agreement with what seems to be the
consensus.
[CJsHere]
9:58 pm: bottom line, My advice, or recommendation,
if you want to
find someone in the D/s lifestyle, then
don't look for someone outside of it and
then later hope they'll change their ways
and become what you want them to be.
[new_seeking]
9:58 pm:
wilson....it takes work to figure
out what it is you
want....and then more work to find the One
that meets those needs...sorry, but
it doesn't happen overnight. (((hugs)))
[CJsHere]
9:58 pm: nods, very true seeking,, but again, with
that said,, yes, I
have seen it happen almost overnight, but
remember, the odds are against it,
[jade_DM]
9:59 pm: trying to remember the it wont happen
overnight thing....
[CJsHere]
9:59 pm: and guess what? so what if it take a few
months, or even a
year or two, wouldn't you rather spend that
time, knowing you've found the right
one, the one that will last a lifetime?
[Briteyes]
9:59 pm: hey the odds are against it in a vanilla
world also (finding
the right one 1st thing or over night)
[wilson] 9:59 pm: I guess the odds aren't in the favor
of that approch, then...
[wilson] 9:59 pm: >.>
[mpet] 10:00
pm: agrees with Ma'am
[CJsHere]
10:00 pm: remember, D/s isn't an overnight fling, it
is every bit as
much (probably a lot more so ) than he
equivalent vanilla marriage..... don't
ever forget that.
[CJsHere]
10:00 pm: he = the
[wilson] 10:00 pm: test...
[new_seeking] 10:01
pm: i would think that for those few that it does
happen
immediately, it's becauseT/they are ready.
T/they know what T/they want and
need, and recognize it immediately, when it
presents itself. :)
[CJsHere] 10:01
pm: nods in agreement with seeking,
[jade_DM] 10:02
pm: i was very lucky i have known my Daddy 16 yrs but
only been
in the lifestyle for a short time
[CJsHere] 10:03
pm: remember, you'll get out of your relationship
what you put
into it,
[jade_DM] 10:03
pm: yes Sir a very good thing to remember
[CJsHere] 10:03
pm: lol.
[new_seeking] 10:03
pm: totally agrees with Sir CJ
[CJsHere] 10:03
pm: okay, have I got everyone thoroughly confused
now?
[Jimmy13532000]
10:04 pm: lol, not at all
[jade_DM] 10:04
pm: no but yet again i have learned somthing
[fire_AsjFG] 10:04
pm: stays confused...
[wilson]
10:05 pm: :roll:
[CJsHere] 10:05
pm: One of the first pages on the Asj web site says,,
"there are
no shortcuts to learning this lifestyle,
don't waste your time looking for
them"... If you're really serious about
wanting this lifestyle, then commit
yourself to it,, put forth the energy and
the effort to make your ultimate
relationship the best possible one you
could ever hope for.
[CJsHere] 10:06
pm: IMHO, that is the secret to finding and
maintaining a lasting
and successful relationship.
[jade_DM] 10:07
pm: i agree Sir...or so that is what i am
learning...that is one
of the reasons the journal helps so much...i
can go back and look at where i had
questions, issues and where i have grown.
[CJsHere] 10:07
pm: okay, I guess I've rattled on for about an hour
now, anyone
have any questions on anything we've talked
about this evening?
[CJsHere] 10:08
pm:
Jimmy, NF,,
Brite, anything you'd like to add?
[Briteyes] 10:08
pm: good here
[Jimmy13532000]
10:08 pm: just again, remember to be honest with
yourself first
as to what you are looking for
[CJsHere] 10:08
pm: fire, anything you'd like to comment on or add?
[Briteyes] 10:08
pm: here lol
[fire_AsjFG] 10:08
pm: no thank You Master..... but thank You for the
class....
[jade_DM] 10:09
pm: may i be excused for a few minutes, Daddy just
got home from
class
[Jimmy13532000]
10:09 pm: yes jade
[CJsHere] 10:09
pm: nods to jade,, girls, anything you'd like to add?
[jade_DM] 10:09
pm: ty Sir Jimmy
[wilson]
10:09 pm: no Sir
[new_seeking] 10:09
pm: no thank You, Sir
[cece] 10:09
pm: no Sir, thank You for class
[mpet] 10:10
pm: no Sir, thank You
[CJsHere] 10:10
pm: Well, I guess that wraps up another one,, I do
appreciate all
of you being here this evening, hope some
of the things we talked about are of
help to some of you..
[CJsHere] 10:10
pm: as usual, I will be afk for about 5 minutes, to
give My
fingers a rest.. but yes, I will be back,
plan on being around for an hour or
so,,,, see you in a few.. ;)
[wilson]
10:10 pm: Links...?
[CJsHere] 10:10
pm: again, thanks for coming by this evening,
[CJsHere] 10:11
pm: oh, the links,
[CJsHere] 10:11
pm: let's see, first, a munch, what is it,
[CJsHere] 10:11
pm: http://www.asubmissivesjourney.com/munch.html
[CJsHere] 10:11
pm: next,, a resource list,, and yes, this is
constantly being
updated.
[CJsHere] 10:11
pm: http://www.asubmissivesjourney.com/resource.html
[CJsHere]
10:13 pm: and of course, if all else fails, don't
forget,,
http://www.asubmissivesjourney.com/page10a.html that's a topic
listing for some
of the pages here on the site,, and yes,
there are bunches of them here, about
600 in total.
[CJsHere]
10:13 pm: okay, now, be back in about 5 minutes,, ;)
thanx
.
