a submissives journey

Asj online communities

ask live online 

may we suggest...

Weekly Topic/Class/Discussion Notes - Sunday, April 18, 2010

Sunday April 18, 2010

Different Paths - A Style Unique to Each of Us

 

[CJsHere] 9:10 pm: we're running just a couple of minutes late on starting class
tonight, will be starting momentarily.
[kittycat] 9:10 pm: I don't know a lot of you:)
[Mazrim] 9:11 pm: hi fire
[babydoll0629] 9:11 pm: well its nice to meet you cat
[kittycat] 9:11 pm: nice to meet you as well:)
[fire] 9:11 pm: didn't do it???
[kittycat] 9:11 pm: you in trouble again fire??:)
[fire] 9:12 pm: <=== innocent....i swear
[kittycat] 9:12 pm: laughing again.............
[SirScene] 9:12 pm: uh huh
[babydoll0629] 9:12 pm: thats what i thought
[fire] 9:12 pm: pouts....seriously.....i didn't do a thing..
[CJsHere] 9:12 pm: okay, I see some new faces here, and I'm not sure who's met
who.. so. let's see if I can fake these intro's..
[CJsHere] 9:12 pm: for those of you that haven't met,,,,
[CJsHere] 9:13 pm: Scene,, meet sweetie, baby, cat, chet and fire. . girls, meet
SirScene
[sweetie336] 9:13 pm: we've met Sir :)
[CJsHere] 9:13 pm: girls,, if there is a girl here you don't know,, say hello to
her.. but, I think,, chet, meet sweetie, baby, cat and fire..
[CJsHere] 9:13 pm: girls, meet chet ,
[babydoll0629] 9:14 pm: hello chet
[chetemarina] 9:14 pm: i think ive met most of everyone except cat...but hi
E/everyone!
[kittycat] 9:17 pm: hello chet....sorry...got distracted by my cat:)
[kittycat] 9:18 pm: unfortunately I have to go...permission to leave Sir?
[CJsHere] 9:18 pm: ahh, I understand DJ is on His way back in, so.. let's see if
we can't get started..
[CJsHere] 9:18 pm: nods to cat,, come back soon, meantime, be safe.
[babydoll0629] 9:18 pm: bye cat
[fire] 9:18 pm: settles on her furs...invites the girls
[sweetie336] 9:18 pm: bye kitty
[kittycat] 9:18 pm: I will..thank you Sir.... goodnight ladies..it was nice to
meet you...bye for now
[chetemarina] 9:18 pm: bye cat
[Lobby]: kittycat has left at 9:19 pm
[CJsHere] 9:19 pm: sorry, we're kicking off a bit late this evening,,
[sweetie336] 9:19 pm: its all good Sir
[sweetie336] 9:19 pm: :)
[CJsHere] 9:20 pm: sweetie, if you could fill DJ in on what He misses til He
gets back, I'd appreciate it,
[CJsHere] 9:21 pm: okay, with that said,, we're running late, so no commercials
tonight, except to say, if you haven't joined as a member, hope you'll consider
it, and hope you'll suggest to others that they visit the site.
[Lobby]: new_seeking has entered at 9:21 pm
[sweetie336] 9:21 pm: yes Sir
[CJsHere] 9:21 pm: One of the things you'll hear Me and others say, this
lifestyle can be (and usually is) something different and unique to everyone..
no two relationships are just alike,
[CJsHere] 9:22 pm: Part of the reason for that, there are actually a lot of
"different versions" of what this lifestyle is,, then of course, within those
different versions, there is a lot of adapting to make the lifestyle fit what it
is we are looking for.
[CJsHere] 9:23 pm: We've all heard the terms D/s,, or Dominant/submissive
Lifestyle,, but what about the other versions of D/s?
[sweetie336] 9:24 pm: other versions?
[CJsHere] 9:27 pm: A few of the other names (or versions) of the lifestyle
include,, M/s,, (Master/slave), Gor (which tends to be the extreme, or most
intense level of M/s),, then D/s as many of us know it, next, you may have heard
of TiH (Taken in Hand), followed by what many refer to as "the 50's lifestyle"
(many think of Leave it to Beaver).... then of course, somewhere splattered in
there you have what the "onliners call. "Old Guard".. which is a fallicy
to most..
[CJsHere] 9:28 pm: Old Guard legitimately refers to the homsexual lifestyle
started during World War II, but somehow it has been associated with the D/s
lifestyle by those that I guess think it implies a "strict, old fashion way of a
D/s relationship".
[CJsHere] 9:29 pm: Now, if that isn't enough to confuse you, tied in there is
the BDSM lifestyle,, remember BDSM does NOT have to be part of any D/s
Lifestyle.
[CJsHere] 9:30 pm: any questions so far?
[new_seeking] 9:30 pm: no Sir
[fire] 9:30 pm: no MasterCJ
[chetemarina] 9:31 pm: no Sir
[babydoll0629] 9:31 pm: no sir
[DJDomBrick] 9:32 pm: talk about making you jump through hoops to fix the problem
[CJsHere] 9:32 pm: Each of these "versions' of the lifestyle has their own set
of standards, things that are essentially "common" to most of those in the
lifestyle,, but again, those things can vary significantly.
[CJsHere] 9:33 pm: Gor, and M/s, seem to have (in general) the most inherent
BDSM activity or play, while TiH, or "50's Lifestyle" has the least.. but
again, that's not so of all relationships..
[CJsHere] 9:34 pm: BDSM in itself, covers a wide spectrum of things,, something
as simple as a spanking or standing in a corner is a form of BDSM play, so you
can see how easy it is for BDSM to become part of a D/s relationship.
[DJDomBrick] 9:34 pm: the way I put it to new people is this everyone does
things differently to suit their own relationship
[CJsHere] 9:35 pm: nods to DJ,, sweetie will fill you in on what we've covered
so far.
[CJsHere] 9:36 pm: While there are those unique things to each relationship. it
can be helpful to look at what it is that you're wanting out of a relationship.
seeing which one of those broad groups of the D/s lifestyle seems to fit you
best,, and then adjust from there..
[CJsHere] 9:36 pm: for example, if you're thinking the ideal lifestyle is TiH,,
then you probably don't want to be calling yourself Gor,, or vice versa..
[CJsHere] 9:38 pm: just doint that can give you a whole new perspective of what
the D/s lifestyle is all about.. someone wanting TiH, would probably run like
hell and be scared away if they came across a Gor community, while someone
neededing the demands of Gor, finding themselves in a TiH group, would think they
were in a disney chatroom and likewise, tend to run.
[CJsHere] 9:38 pm: I hope that makes a bit of sense to you..
[fire] 9:39 pm: MasterCJ...could You explain TiH..
[CJsHere] 9:39 pm: Things that are common to all of these different flavors of
the lifestyle,, they all have one person as the Dominant,
[fire] 9:39 pm: is not familiar with that....
[CJsHere] 9:39 pm: nods, I think I can try that,,
[DJDomBrick] 9:40 pm: I would like to know as well
[CJsHere] 9:41 pm: TiH,, Taken in Hand, usually, but not always, tends to be a
flavor that is "usually" more involved in religious aspects of the lifestyle..

It is usually a strong hand from the Dominant in guiding or directing the
relationship. There is little, if any emphasis on poly relationships. (again,
not always), there is a heavy emphasis on the submissives place as being in the
home.. to care for the home and the children.
[DJDomBrick] 9:42 pm: ahh ok got it
[CJsHere] 9:42 pm: TiH also tends to have a heavy emphasis on the Dominants
(usually the Male) responsibility to provide for the family.. generally, the
Dominant is the disciplinarian in the household, for the children, as well as
the submissive spouse.
[CJsHere] 9:43 pm: TiH will usually have an emphasis on a marriage relationship
between the Dominant and the submissive.
[CJsHere] 9:44 pm: For those of you that are familiar with the Amish religion
and communities, TiH is an excellent example of how they conduct their daily
lives (excluding of course their "old fashioned, non-technology ways)
[CJsHere] 9:44 pm: does that help any fire?
[fire] 9:44 pm: understands
[CJsHere] 9:45 pm: anyone else has questions, or points to make, feel free to
jump in with them.
[CJsHere] 9:47 pm: I find it interesting that in a community, such as this one,
where multiple "flavors" of the lifestyle are conducted, it becomes very easy
to look at one person and think,, "oh, are they for real".. while unknown to the
person thinking that, the other is thinking the identical thing for opposite
reasons.. Each is participating in what they know and want to believe this
lifestyle is,, and for their version of it, they are perfectly correct.. yet, to
the other persons way of seeing it, they couldn't be further off base.
[DJDomBrick] 9:47 pm: I understand it now
[CJsHere] 9:48 pm: As I started to say a few moments ago, regardless of what
flavor of the lifestyle you're in or wanting to learn, there are some things
common to all. And we're going to talk about a few of these things,
[CJsHere] 9:48 pm: First, the role of the Dominant,,
[CJsHere] 9:50 pm: the Dominant is exactly that,, He's the one that Dominants
the relationship. It's His direction and guidance that essentially determines
the path, or course the relationship is going to take. As the Dominant, He is
the one that takes ultimate responsibility for everything that happens, or
doesn't happen in a D/s relationship.
[CJsHere] 9:51 pm: With that said, no, dont think for a moment that things can't
go wrong and be the sub/slaves fault,, that does happen, and while yes, both
have to take responsibility for it, the Lifestyle community will generally
always fault, or compliment that Dominant ...
[CJsHere] 9:51 pm: but, yes,, I did say generally.
[CJsHere] 9:51 pm: When a Dominant takes a girl. understand, there is a lot of
responsibility that goes with, or should go with that decision.
[babydoll0629] 9:51 pm: raises her hand
[CJsHere] 9:52 pm: nods, yes baby?
[babydoll0629] 9:52 pm: never mind i think you are about to answer my question
[CJsHere] 9:52 pm: ask, we'll be sure,, ;)
[DJDomBrick] 9:53 pm: may I make a comment
[CJsHere] 9:53 pm: (and gives Me a moment to rest My fingers,, lol) listens to
baby's question, and DJ's comment,
[babydoll0629] 9:53 pm: ok why do they fault the dom
[DJDomBrick] 9:53 pm: it is what I tell My lil one that her actions will reflect
back upon Me and the way I have taught her
[CJsHere] 9:54 pm: that's easy,, think about it,, essentially, as DJ just said,
things reflect back on the Dom,, why, because He is the one that is "supposed"
to set the course for the relationship.. Yes, it may be within the limits agreed
upon by the submissive,, but, it's His responsibility to ensure those limits are
enforced. 3
[babydoll0629] 9:55 pm: that does make sense thank you Sirs
[CJsHere] 9:55 pm: The Dominant is the one responsible for teaching discipline,,
enforcing punishment (notice, there is a difference).. He is the one that
establishes the rules,, it isn't (or isn't supposed to be) the other way
around,,
[CJsHere] 9:56 pm: so, if the girl "screws up".. who's fault is it? Is it
her's, because she screwed up. or is it His, because He didn't teach her better, didn't enforce the proper actions or behavior?
[CJsHere] 9:56 pm: It's a bit like the student that fails in class.. is it the
students fault,, or is it the teacher and parents fault?
[faith_SVeC] 9:57 pm: its two fold Master
[CJsHere] 9:57 pm: yes, it can be a combination,,, but more often than not, the
root of the problem can be traced back to the parents and/or the teacher.
[faith_SVeC] 9:58 pm: may the girl interject Master?
[CJsHere] 9:58 pm: so it is with a sub/slave.. if they aren't doing things the
way they should be, is it because they're screwy, or have they been taught and
shown they can give less... .
[CJsHere] 9:59 pm: nods to faith,, and yes, faith, I know, a teacher can only
work with what they have,, but again, remember, we're talking from the moment
the first thing is taught to them,, what we accept,, what we demand,, that is
more often than not what we will receive..
[CJsHere] 9:59 pm: listens to faith.
[faith_SVeC] 10:00 pm: but if the sub/slave does not listen fully to her
instruction, and take her Doms advice to the fullest she WILL fail. is that the
fault of the Dom? no
[CJsHere] 10:01 pm: if I tell you to stand in the corner, and then watch you
walk away, and I respond, oh well, maybe next time,, who's fault is that?
[CJsHere] 10:01 pm: make sense?
[faith_SVeC] 10:02 pm: yes Master
[CJsHere] 10:02 pm: Hopefully all can see where I'm coming from with this,, so,
let's see if I can move on to make a couple of points here..
[CJsHere] 10:03 pm: My first one is a big one.. and it's one that many don't
consider, or overlook..
[CJsHere] 10:03 pm: One of those responsibilities of the Dom is the
responsibility for the relationship.. and let Me explain,,
[CJsHere] 10:05 pm: A D/s relationship is designed to be a commitment, a long
term commitment.. No, I won't sit here and begin to try to tell you that every
D/s relationship will last a lifetime, that once you enter a D/s relationship,
that's it,, it's cast in stone, til death do you part,, yes, ideally, in a
perfect world, that is how it should/would be.
[CJsHere] 10:06 pm: but wait, if/when that happens,,, sorry about that
Dominants,,, it isn't just a case of telling her, hey, it's been nice, now get
lost.. that ain't how it's supposed to be..
[Lobby]: lilone283 has entered at 10:07 pm
[CJsHere] 10:08 pm: When a Dominant takes a girl, regardless of the flavor of
the lifestyle, the Dominant is responsible for that girl until such time as HE
ensures the girl has been APPROPRIATELY handed off to another Dominant, and/or is beign appropriately cared for and guided until she is secure in that
relationship..
[DJDomBrick] 10:08 pm: in My world I expect the relationship to be for long term
[faith_SVeC] 10:08 pm: nothing lasts forever
[babydoll0629] 10:09 pm: i beg too differ
[CJsHere] 10:09 pm: no, that doesn't always mean that He has to go find another
Dominant to take the girl.. but,, yes, it does mean that He has to physically be
responsible to assist that girl in finding her next step.
[CJsHere] 10:09 pm: listens to baby (with a smile)
[lilone283] 10:09 pm: hello Sir CJ hello Sir Scene hello Sir DJ
[lilone283] 10:09 pm: hello girls
[babydoll0629] 10:10 pm: hi lil
[CJsHere] 10:10 pm: in what way do you differe baby?
[babydoll0629] 10:10 pm: if you feel it wont then it wont
[lilone283] 10:11 pm: I differ with faith also somethings do last
[CJsHere] 10:11 pm: hm, not sure what you mean, what part are you differing on?
[babydoll0629] 10:11 pm: but if you do then it may
[DJDomBrick] 10:11 pm: hello lilone
[lilone283] 10:11 pm: hello Sir DJ
[CJsHere] 10:11 pm: nods, I agree baby, regarding the comment of faith, some
things do last forever, but, I think what faith meant to say was that "not all
things last forever"..
[lilone283] 10:12 pm: for example, my grandparents are going to celebrate their
70th wedding anniversary June 1
[sweetie336] 10:12 pm: wow
[faith_SVeC] 10:12 pm: sorry Master, the girl shouldnt have made that statement
[CJsHere] 10:13 pm: is that all you differ with baby?
[lilone283] 10:13 pm: and my parents 50th is next winter, so lasting means the
committment to make it last - work though the hard times
[babydoll0629] 10:13 pm: yes Sir
[CJsHere] 10:13 pm: k.. then essentially, I think we agree, jsut saying it
differently.
[DJDomBrick] 10:13 pm: if a true loving D/s relationship works then it can be
long term
[CJsHere] 10:14 pm: as long as you remember DJ, with the possible exception of a
TiH relationship, there is nothign that says there has to be "love" in a D/s
relationship.. yes, it can/may be there, but does not have to be.
[Lobby]: nix has entered at 10:14 pm
[nix] 10:15 pm: hello Sir CJ, Sir DJ, Sir Scene
[lilone283] 10:15 pm: but there has to be some degree of affection and a lot of
trust right?
[CJsHere] 10:15 pm: a D/s relationship does not have to have love involved, just
as it does not have to have BDSM involved,, yes, it may seem to most to be a
norm, or something that will be naturally part of the relationship, but it is
not a requirement of the relationship, if that makes sense.
[CJsHere] 10:15 pm: why do you think that lilone?
[DJDomBrick] 10:16 pm: hello nix
[CJsHere] 10:16 pm: again, it's My contention, that no, there does not have to
be,, yes, I strongly feel that in any ongoing or lasting relationship, emotional
involvement (read that "love") will develop or grow within the relationship,
but
no, it does not have to be there.
[DJDomBrick] 10:17 pm: yes I know CJ but in our case it is most defeinately
present
[CJsHere] 10:17 pm: listens to lilone.
[Lobby]: lilone283 has left at 10:17 pm
[CJsHere] 10:17 pm: nods, again,, "YOUR case",, but that doesn't mean that for

the 1 out of 100 that don't have it that it has to be there for their
relationship to work (or whatever the number is,, 1 out of 100 only as an
example)
[DJDomBrick] 10:18 pm: here again it is what I had stated before that everyone
does things differently to suit their own relationship
[fire] 10:18 pm: feels that....there has to be "desire".....not
"L".....
[CJsHere] 10:18 pm: hmm, hope I didn't scare lilone away with the comment,
[faith_SVeC] 10:19 pm: but love is nice, comforting
[DJDomBrick] 10:19 pm: as in any relationship there has to be the physical
desire, trust, communication, and yes affection
[CJsHere] 10:19 pm: nods, desire is a good word,, but, without defining a desire
"for what". it's hard to comment one way or the other,, but,, I digress, back
to
My point if I may.
[DJDomBrick] 10:21 pm: I do tend to see myself as being different from other
Doms
[CJsHere] 10:21 pm: In a D/s relationship, "IF" it comes to the point that the

relationship is goign to be dissolved, it is the Dominants responsiblity to do
whatever is necessary to make that transistion for the sub/slave a smooth one.
to make sure that she is appropriately cared for and guided until such time as
an "appropriate" Dominant is found to take control fo the girl.
[CJsHere] 10:22 pm: No, don't misunderstand that to say that the girl has no say
in the matter, in the case of the submissive, yes, she should very much have a
say,,
[CJsHere] 10:22 pm: and whether a sub or slave, I emphasize the word
"appropriate"..
[faith_SVeC] 10:22 pm: Master, even after release, a good Dom will always keep
in contact with her, just as faiths first Master did
[Lobby]: lilone283 has entered at 10:23 pm
[CJsHere] 10:23 pm: so, let's take this one step further,,, one that it's been
My experience that 9 out of 10 Doms/Masters don't consider or even think about..
the old "what if" scenario..
[CJsHere] 10:24 pm: I'll use Myself as an example, so no one gets the idea I'm
picking on someone,,,, and girls, pay close attention to this, please..
[CJsHere] 10:25 pm: this is an issue that few, if any girls ever bring up.. and
yet, it's a very common one that really should be... it should really be a part
of any sub/slave contract,, it should be part of a discussion when you talk
about limits,, and on and on and on.
[CJsHere] 10:26 pm: While I seldom admit it, yes, I'm at least a couple of days
over the age of 19. not too many mind you, but at least a few...
[CJsHere] 10:27 pm: Here I am, what I like to think of as the typical healthy,
hungry and horny Dom,,, and oh yes, for those that don't know, I'm poly..
[Lobby]: lilone283 has left at 10:29 pm
[CJsHere] 10:29 pm: so here I am,, I run out and collar half a dozen girls, yes,
of course, all babes, (just like the girls here in the room this evening)... and
I've got such great plans ahead of Me,,,, and yes, I've told all these wonderful
girls all the wonderful plans I have for them,,, and like a good Dom, I really
start filling a Dominant role in each of these girls lives, I'm the ultimate
decision maker, they've come to count on Me,, essentially, just as I need them,
they need Me,
[DJDomBrick] 10:30 pm: ok question here
[CJsHere] 10:30 pm: and then one fine morning, with the sun shining brightly,
the girls all wake up, and I don't.. now what... here I am,, good Dom that I
was,, I know have half a dozen girls totally lost as to what to do,,,,, what
now?
[CJsHere] 10:30 pm: listens to DJ's question,
[CJsHere] 10:30 pm: know - now
[DJDomBrick] 10:31 pm: ok since I know I am not poly even though I have the
interest in it I could only collar one girl as I do know that being poly takes
double the amount of work as a solitary relationshipp
[DJDomBrick] 10:32 pm: but I did come up the the idea once of running a safe
house for submissives
[CJsHere] 10:32 pm: nods, I used that only as an example..
[CJsHere] 10:32 pm: but, listens for the question,
[DJDomBrick] 10:32 pm: well maybe not a question per say but an observation
[Lobby]: lilone283 has entered at 10:32 pm
[CJsHere] 10:33 pm: listens,,
[DJDomBrick] 10:33 pm: now if I were ot open said safehouse I would be the
primary Dominant to care for those submissives
[CJsHere] 10:34 pm: nods,, listens,, hope to stick to the topic so I can wrap
this part up.. but yes, continue,
[DJDomBrick] 10:34 pm: it would relate to what you were conveying I believe
[CJsHere] 10:34 pm: nods, continue,
[DJDomBrick] 10:35 pm: I am one ot express affection and love and yes it would
be a loving safehouse
[DJDomBrick] 10:35 pm: but that is just Me
[CJsHere] 10:36 pm: nods,, I think we're getting a little off topic,, but if
it's not, step in,, let's see where this goes as I wrap this up.
[DJDomBrick] 10:36 pm: ok sorry
[CJsHere] 10:38 pm: the point I'm trying to make here,, as a Dominant, you are
responsible for the girl(s) you take,, doesn't matter if you die in the
morning,, when you take that girl, you are responsible for and to them,, as a
Dominant, you need to have your life in control to the point that you can
control what you are doing,, and, have the forethought to plan ahead,, what if
something happens? what now.. what if you find yourself hospitalized for an
extended period,, what if you flat out drop dead,, what
[CJsHere] 10:39 pm: arrangements or plans have you made or considered, what
guidance do you have in place for your girl(s).. and no, that isn't always just
an insurance policy. what efforts do you have in place to make sure they have
someone to turn to..
[faith_SVeC] 10:39 pm: doesnt like Master talking about death..
[CJsHere] 10:41 pm:
Warning: printf() [function.printf]: Too few arguments in
/home/asubm0/public_html/newcommunity/chat/save.php on line 129
[Lobby]: Shana has entered at 10:41 pm
[nix] 10:42 pm: Sir CJ i understand the logic in where your coming from, but
from a subs point of view.....i would give a Dom my submission just as easily as
i could take it away, so in the instance of my Dom "dissapearing" so to speak,
i
would be equipped to take care of myself. So if i was to take my submission away
of my own accord, i would have plans in place.....
[CJsHere] 10:42 pm: but, in My case,, yes, I do have some what if plans,,
including another Dominant that can actually step in and take charge or take My
place.. so.. Dom's, that's something to think about,, girls, that's something
for you to also consider,
[CJsHere] 10:42 pm: evening shana, welcome back, we're just wrapping up our
usual Sunday night discussion,,, come on in and join us.
[Shana] 10:42 pm: ok, thanks
[CJsHere] 10:43 pm: ahh nix,, you've made a good point,,, but,, now the question
for you... yes, in YOUR situation, you've done that, so guess what,, that might
be something you can talk with your Dom about,, "your particular WHAT IF
plan"..
but I think you'll admit, not all girls are capable of that,, does that make
sense?
[DJDomBrick] 10:44 pm: hello shama
[Shana] 10:44 pm: hi
[faith_SVeC] 10:44 pm: especially Master, if the girl gives all of her "things"

to Him, for His control. she may not have that back up plan available to her
[CJsHere] 10:44 pm: and again, if that's something that you talke with your Dom
about, or He talks with you about,, then guess what, the contingency is covered,
then there is no question of what to do when the "what if" happens.
[faith_SVeC] 10:45 pm: when she submits, she gives her all to Him
[nix] 10:45 pm: Of course Sir CJ but without sounding too bold, if a girl enters
a D/s relationship without a back plan...surely that would be better discussed
rather than a "what if plan"
[CJsHere] 10:45 pm: hmm, allow Me to respond to that one, and please, don't take
this the wrong way,,,
[CJsHere] 10:47 pm: for clarity, (and again, using an extreme to help make the
point),, let's take a vanilla couple..they walk down the aisle to get married,,
standing in front of the preacher, they say their vows.. do you take, etc, etc..
but when it comes time to say "I do",, she says,, "I do,, and if it don't
work,
Fred over there is next in line,, be ready Fred,, just in case.... "... hmmm,
how do you think that relationship is going to truthfully work or last?
[new_seeking] 10:47 pm: giggles
[nix] 10:48 pm: no Sir CJ i think you misunderstand me
[CJsHere] 10:48 pm: when you enter a D/s relationship, IF you enter that
relationship with a ready and active plan of what i'm going to do if it don't
work,,,, then, it is My opinion, you are not ready to enter that relationship,
you are not ready to make that commitment,
[CJsHere] 10:48 pm: listens to nix for clarification,,
[nix] 10:48 pm: i didnt mean a back up plan...as a person, i meant provisions in
general
[CJsHere] 10:48 pm: provisions, such as?
[DJDomBrick] 10:49 pm: sorry but as far as I am concerned I do not feel these
issues should even be discussed immediately
[CJsHere] 10:50 pm: which issues DJ?
[sweetie336] 10:50 pm: i am so confused
[DJDomBrick] 10:50 pm: plans such as these can be considered later on
[nix] 10:50 pm: i think i may have misunderstood your point in the beginning, i
was talking about living arrangements, financial situations, careers rathern
than a replacement person to take up the Dominant side
[DJDomBrick] 10:50 pm: I could not even bring Myself to think of letting My girl
go to another Dom
[faith_SVeC] 10:52 pm: but Sir DJ, if things weren't working out, would You not
feel better if You knew she was going somewhere good? would You not want control
of that?
[CJsHere] 10:52 pm: hmm, but let's clarify that a bit nix,,, wouldn't it help to
talk about these thing with the Dominant a bit,, get His input, let Him know
what your thoughts are? Even ask His advice on how to plan for these things,,
or, by not doing so, would it possibly lead to a mistrust, or a feeling of "what
is she planning behind My back"?
[CJsHere] 10:52 pm: Remember, communication, trust,, respect..
[CJsHere] 10:53 pm: as to DJ's comment,, the question is not so much being busy
thinking about who your girl was going to be with next,, but, rather, isn't it
more of one "can I take care of this girl.. for the rest of her life"?
[CJsHere] 10:53 pm: "no matter what"?
[faith_SVeC] 10:53 pm: Master, may the girl please be excused?
[nix] 10:54 pm: Oh no i would absolutely do that, but i think it would depends
on a persons individual D/s relationship. ie. is it 24/7? is it marriage?
[Lobby]: SirScene has left at 10:54 pm
[DJDomBrick] 10:55 pm: CJ this whole thing has My girl totally confused
[CJsHere] 10:55 pm: If it wasn't as 24/7 relationship, I don't think you'd even
be discussing these things,
[CJsHere] 10:55 pm: how so? listens.
[sweetie336] 10:55 pm: i don't understand Sir
[Lobby]: faith_SVeC has left at 10:55 pm
[babydoll0629] 10:56 pm: Sir may i help
[sweetie336] 10:56 pm: everything is just so confusing...........
[CJsHere] 10:56 pm: sure baby,
[DJDomBrick] 10:56 pm: I know for a fact that I know I can take care of My girl
for the rest of our lives
[babydoll0629] 10:56 pm: my Dom who is my Husband has been gone to another
country for the last year
[CJsHere] 10:56 pm: and again, if I may, just a reminder,, if ever in any of our
discussions you start getting lost, confused, or need clarification, don't
hesitate to jump in , ask questions, comment,, that way thing can be clarified.
[DJDomBrick] 10:56 pm: I am not going to have our relationship get confused with
what if plans or back up plans
[babydoll0629] 10:57 pm: we had to make a plan
[babydoll0629] 10:57 pm: even though he was not here
[babydoll0629] 10:57 pm: we had to figure out the detail of everyday life
[sweetie336] 10:58 pm: ok
[lilone283] 10:58 pm: lilone needs to leave goodnight Sirs goodnight everyone
[DJDomBrick] 10:58 pm: ok but that is cause you have a marriate
[Lobby]: lilone283 has left at 10:58 pm
[DJDomBrick] 10:58 pm: marriage
[babydoll0629] 10:58 pm: even if we weren't
[babydoll0629] 10:58 pm: we have a 24/7 relationship
[babydoll0629] 10:59 pm: we still needed to figure it out how it would work
[sweetie336] 10:59 pm: Sir may i have permission to leave? my head hurts
[Lobby]: SirScene has entered at 10:59 pm
[babydoll0629] 10:59 pm: I tried Sir CJ
[DJDomBrick] 10:59 pm: yes I understand that point since he is in the millitary
[nix] 10:59 pm: bye sweetie
[SirScene] 11:00 pm: ty seeking
[CJsHere] 11:00 pm: looks to the clock,,
[CJsHere] 11:01 pm: I won't belabor this one,, the point I wanted to make to
all.. just something to consider,,, a D/s commitment is a long term commitment,,
as the relationship goes on, as it builds and gets stronger, the role of the
Dominant will become more prevalent,,, the Dominant needs to be aware of that,
just as the sub/slave needs to be aware.
[Lobby]: faith_SVeC has entered at 11:02 pm
[DJDomBrick] 11:02 pm: and then AFTER the relationship has been established and you have been together for a period of time THEN you can discuss the what if
things
[CJsHere] 11:02 pm: Never let that catch you off guard.. if you're girl can
function fine without you, then so be it,, but, on the other hand,, I can point
to many girls that if their Dominant suddenly dropped dead,, they would
immediately have a nervous breakdown and wouldn't have a clue of what to do.
[Lobby]: anaka has entered at 11:02 pm
[anaka] 11:02 pm: evening Sir CJ
[anaka] 11:02 pm: evening SirScene
[anaka] 11:03 pm: Evening Sir DJ
[anaka] 11:03 pm: evening Shana
[SirScene] 11:03 pm: hello anaka
[anaka] 11:03 pm: evening gals!!
[babydoll0629] 11:03 pm: hey there
[DJDomBrick] 11:03 pm: since our relationship is just starting I do not feel the
what if plans should even be discussed until AFTER the relationship has been set
in stone
[CJsHere] 11:03 pm: again, we can agree to disagree, I have no problem with
that,, but, for those that need it,, I assure you.. whether Dom or sub/slave,,
taking a moment and saying, what would happen if,, can answer a lot of questions
for you.
[DJDomBrick] 11:03 pm: then the what if plans can be discussed
[anaka] 11:04 pm: sorry i missed the discussion tonight
[fire] 11:05 pm: SirDJ as the discussion started this evening.....there are many
avenues in the lifestyle :)
[DJDomBrick] 11:05 pm: yes I know fire
[fire] 11:05 pm: :) no one is saying what is right or wrong Sir...
[CJsHere] 11:05 pm: and just for grins,, remember,, while I've tried to show by
spelling out extremes,, just for clarity, and to show examples,, heck, it can be
as simple as telling your girl,, here's an envelope.. if I something happens,
open it,, it will tell you what to do,, in that envelope might be the name of
her mother, another Dom, her minister,, just someone you trust to be able to
give the girl good, sound, and reliable advice. .
[CJsHere] 11:07 pm: smiles.. okay all, as I look to the clock, let Me wrap this
up with a closing comment or two.. especially for those that are new with us
this evening,,, as you can see, there are many different points of view, or ways
of doing things in this lifestyle, that doesn't necessarily make any of them
more or less right or wrong than another,, that's part of why these discussions
or classes are here, to let us see how...
[new_seeking] 11:08 pm: can i ask someone for the beginning of the class.....i
missed like the first 20 minutes
[babydoll0629] 11:08 pm: fire if you can't i can
[CJsHere] 11:09 pm: each of us does things, to let us feel out what is right for
us,, what works, or what we're comfortable with,,, just because CJ says
something, that doesn't make it right for all.. nor does it make it wrong,, it
just makes it something to consider, to weigh, to evaluate,, and perhaps find
our "own way" of doing things,
[faith_SVeC] 11:10 pm: giggles, whatever "CJ" says to faith is law :D
[CJsHere] 11:10 pm: I do try to remind everyone, if you're here, I hope you're
her to participate, to talk, to share opinions, view points, and if someone says
something you don't understand, or you don't agree with, start clicking the
keys, ask for a clarification, share your thoughts,, tell why you think you
disagree with something,,,,,
[CJsHere] 11:10 pm: I'll share one last closing thought,,
[CJsHere] 11:12 pm: I've learned a long time ago,, anyone can listen, that
doesn't mean they understand what is being said,, but, if someone can discuss
it, then right or wrong, it shows they have an idea of what things are all
about.. it shows they are interested, it shows that yes, they really are a part
of what is going on, not just a spectator,, okay, if anyone has an short
comments, I'm open to them,, otherwise, Scene, anything to add?
[CJsHere] 11:13 pm: hearing nothing from SirScene,, any of the girls want to add
anything?
[fire] 11:14 pm: no MasterCJ

   .