A New Submissive's Guide to All Her Rights as a Submissive

By Bea Amor

As a submissive there are certain inalienable rights that you have and that you should not allow others to take away. As a slave you do not have rights but you have the privilege of having those rights that your owner thinks is appropriate. Some of the rights you might claim, as a submissive will be seen as a requirement sometimes in a Master slave relationship. I will be sharing both aspects of this by using a bill of rights I found here on the Asj site. The words in italics will signify the right as stated in the submissive bill of rights with my feelings following in regular text font.

You have the right to be treated with respect. Not only do you have this right, you have the right to demand it.

As a submissive you are not less than any other human being and you bring something special to a relationship. A dominant needs your submission in order to be able to play or interact in a D/s relationship. You have the right to be treated with the respect for that special trait of submission you possess. As a slave you also deserve respect, but it would be seen as a privilege if and when your owner decides to give you the respect for your submission at any stage. You have no right to demand it in that circumstance.

You have the right to be proud of what you are.

As a submissive or slave you have the right and the duty to be proud of who you are. You need never feel shame for this ever again and should never allow anyone to diminish who or what you are.

You have the right to feel safe.

You have this right irrespective or whether you are submissive or slave. You have the choice as a slave to choose someone who will make you feel safe as this is your sole choice and you need never be in a position where fear is all you know. If you are, this means you have no one to blame but yourself for not choosing the right dominant and for not leaving when you find that this is his or her style of dominance. If you are in a position where you are being held against your will, you need to find a way of escape or indicating distress at the first available opportunity.

You have the right to your emotions and feelings.

As a submissive you have a right to your own feelings and to express them. It does not matter whether they are positive or negative, they need to be discussed whenever they happen for you. Submission does not work in the absence of communication. As a slave you have no right to withhold ;this from your master or mistress. That person cannot control your life and make good decisions that will not harm you if you do not share the feelings you are feeling.

You have the right to say NO.

We should change this to: You have the right to use a safe word. No never means that a dominant or master will stop anything - remember we tell them to ignore us when we use that word? It is your responsibility to make sure that you do not do anything you do not want to. Slaves should discuss negative feelings or experiences with something with their master or mistress in a respectful way. The idea is not to be harmed, but to communicate openly. Slaves also need to make sure that activities they do no enjoy are not part of a respective master's kinks so that this does not happen frequently.

You have the right to expect happiness in life.

Remember that you chose this lifestyle because you weren't happy with people who did not know how to handle your submission? Remember that you discovered great joy when you found out that you are not just needy or codependent? You have the right to enjoy this lifestyle and feel all the joy you are getting. It took guts to admit your submission and you are allowed to pick the fruits of honesty.

You have the right to have input in a relationship.

You have the right to communicate openly and honestly and to have say in any relationship - a relationship by definition is a two way street and should never be one sided. You need to make sure that you make your needs known and that you make sure that you are always present in the relationship. Slaves also have this right but they exercise the right when they choose a dominant or master or mistress. Your needs, desires and wants should be discussed in detail before any collar is placed around your neck.

You have the right to belong.

As a submissive you finally can exercise this right. You are now in a family of people who feel the same way you do and who understand who and what you are. You will belong to that special dominant soon or may already belong to someone. Slaves and submissives alike both have that right.

You have the right to be loved and to love.

You have the right to be loved for your submission and to love the person who will control your life and use you to serve them. Love is something that happens in most D/s relationships contrary to what you might have heard. Love also makes you submission bloom. Remember that slaves sometimes have different ideas of what love looks like. They might want someone who humiliates and hurts them and does objectify them. To them that might show love. Never look down on what others perceive as love and celebrate the differences.

You have the right to be healthy.

I would love to change this to you have a duty to be healthy. Health is a requirement for slaves and this is not negotiable. You have to make sure that you are in a healthy relationship and that you do not get abused. If you are, the entire community will rally to your aid should you request it.

You have the right to practice safe sex.

This is really self evident or it should be. You have a right to remain healthy, but you also have a responsibility to ensure that any sexual partners you may come into contact with can trust you to be responsible sexually and to not be the carrier of a nasty sexually transmitted disease.

As you can see you have a whole bill of rights and I would add this bill of rights to any negotiations I might have in any given scene or relationship to make the dominant aware that you are assertive enough to stand up for yourself.

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This Dominant submissive/slave lifestyle website first became active on about February 1, 2002. The Asj community has been online in one form or another since approximately early 1985.