A submissives journey
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makes a good Dominant?
But, for purpose of better understanding the lifestyle, and
the Dominant role within it, I shall endeavor to do My best. Here,
then, in no particular order, is My own impossibly incomplete
description of what it means to be a Dominant.
Mastery of One’s Self:
Dominant must always be in control of Him/Her Self. As a
Master/Mistress, the Dominant will take charge of a submissive. It
is impossible to take on the responsibility of Mastering another, if One
can not Master Themselves.
Dominant must set and maintain high personal standards for Themselves.
They must be an example to O/others, including Their submissive.
not given to Themselves, it can not be shown to O/others.
Many things in life may challenge a Dominant. Control of One’s
Self is essential when those challenges present themselves.
Dominant must know Themselves, and feel comfortable within Their
Own skin to project Themselves in a true fashion. They will be
challenged, and must be secure enough to tolerate differing opinions and
views without considering them as condemnation.
Compassionate & Understanding:
Dominant must be sensitive to the needs of O/others. As
Master/Mistress the Dominant will be responsible for the emotional
well-being of a submissive that requires an open and accessible
Dominant. They must be willing to share, and actively demonstrate
that sharing in return is both safe and healthy.
Dominant must be able to communicate effectively in any situation, under
any circumstances, in a variety of verbal and non-verbal ways.
is more than a concept, or a feeling. Honesty is expressed through
actions. And only in demonstrating honesty, will it be seen by
must meet the needs of a submissive for guidance. They are
responsible for the personal and lifestyle growth of Their one.
Their actions should be an example that teaches and guides E/everyone
They come in contact with.
often forget that D/s is a lifestyle, and a Dominant must be full and
complete. A Dominant must be romantic, happy, playful, have a
sense of humor, have interests and pleasures, and all the things that
make a complete human being.
A Dominant must
be Someone that can be counted on to be there, and to be available.
When there is a problem, or Their submissive needs assistance, the
Dominant must make every good faith effort to demonstrate that devotion.
There is no relationship without love. And although not
every D/s relationship is built upon love, it is an essential part of
any relationship for Me.
A submissive must feel safe and secure, both physically and
No O/one is perfect, W/we are A/all human. A Dominant
must accept and demonstrate that to Their submissive; giving
permission to be human.
Every human being will make mistakes. Dominants included.
They must be able to forgive O/others, as well as Themselves.
A submissive needs to be reassured frequently. To know
that they are valued and treasured. To know that their efforts and
submission are noticed and appreciated.
and Consistent: A submissive needs that consistency
of expectations. Once rules and acceptable behaviors are
established and communicated, they must be firmly and consistently
applied. Do not, however, confuse firm with “domineering”.
All things take time. Knowing and accepting that
E/everyone moves at T/their O/own pace, within their individual
capabilities, is essential.
There is always more than one way to skin a cat, and different
people respond in unique ways. Being adaptable and creative will
yield better results, and make for a more satisfying and less stagnant
(Our thanks to Rover for his permission to post this article)
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