Submissive Jealousy Within a BDSM Relationship
by Cheryl Williams
Becoming a true submissive is a process. Even if you feel you were born to serve a dominant, there are going to be areas that are going to be very difficult at times. One of these areas is in regard to jealousy.
When you give yourself to a dominant, you are telling him
that you belong to him and that you are entrusting him with your
well-being... physically, mentally, and emotionally. Although
this sounds incredibly romantic, it can also be very difficult.
It means you must, at times, sacrifice your wants and needs for
the wants and needs of your dominant.
A good dominant/submissive relationship is one in which there
is a lot of communication. Much of this communication should
take place before you actually make any kind of commitment to
the relationship. There are certain rules that should be
established ahead of time. Whereas some dominants are happy with
one submissive, there are others who desire more than one
submissive. This is something you may want to discuss with your
dominant ahead of time, especially if you are prone to jealousy.
Jealousy, in and of itself, is not wrong. Jealousy is a natural
emotion. What causes the problem is how we act upon the jealousy
that we are feeling. Jealousy can cause people to act out in
very unbecoming ways. For a submissive, such acting out can mean
the end of the relationship with her dominant.
Amanda was ecstatic when her dominant asked her to move in with
him. Although he made it clear to her that he would continue to
see other submissives, Amanda chose to live in denial. She moved
in with him and was filled with joy until the day her dominant
invited another submissive to join them. She pretended she was
fine with the idea, but the first time she saw her dominant with
the other submissive, she became extremely jealous. She ended up
running out of the house in tears.
Her dominant talked to her, and explained to her that he had
always been honest about their situation. He also
explained to her that just because he chose to play with other
submissives from time to time did not at all change the way He
felt about her. He also explained to her that her acting
out in jealousy was totally unacceptable, because it showed him
that she lacked trust in his decisions. Without trust in one's
dominant, there is nothing.
Although Amanda said she understood, she was never able to
deal with the jealousy she was feeling. She began going through
his wallet, checking his private emails, and deleting phone
messages from other submissives. In the end, their relationship
became so strained they had to part ways.
Giving yourself to a dominant means trusting him to always keep
you safe and to keep your well-being in mind. This doesn't mean
you will always agree with him. This doesn't mean you will
always enjoy certain things. What it does mean is that as long
as you are committed to the relationship, you will trust him and
the decisions that he makes.
Never be afraid to ask your dominant questions...especially in
the beginning. It can be very easy to overlook certain warning
signs if you are very taken in by a dominant's many attributes.
Just remember that if you are the jealous type, it is best to
know ahead of time if your dominant plans on having more than
one submissive. It will save you a lot of pain and heartache
down the road.
This article is posted with permission of the author. Watch for Cheryl's new novel soon to be published, The novel deals with teenage girls, body image and self esteem. You can also find other articles by Cheryl here on the website, check our index page.
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