A submissives journey

an Asj online community

Dominant submissive Relationship - Online to Real Life

Well, now you have met, you are in love, you have a fulfilling relationship that you want to take to the next level..

The transition from an online Dominant submissive relationship to real life can be made smooth and exciting, as long as certain issues are resolved first. Therefore, it makes sense to discuss EVERYTHING you can, in as much detail as you can, before making the move.

BEFORE THE MOVE :

Quite a number of things need to be considered before the actual move is made. The following are, almost, all of the ones I considered, minus a few for personal reasons. While you are reading this and an idea comes to you, I probably did it too, so don't feel alone, scared or overwhelmed. Part of my appreciation of online relationships come from the fact I don't have to be alone or lonely, friends are just a click away!

Things to discuss and think about will vary due to each individual, but I think it proper and necessary to discuss the following.

• Who will live where?
• What is the job situation like?
• Is it crowded or is it a house out in the country?
• Any children in the household? If so, How many , ages, etc., etc...
• Any family members nearby?
• Are they aware of how you met?
• Are they also aware of the Lifestyle?
• Is there public transportation?
• What schools are near by?
• If things don't work out, how will I get back to where I was before the move?
• Who will pay?
• Who will help?
• Income and all relevant aspects of, both parties.

The one thing I hear online more than anything else in a failed relationship is that none of the above questions were honestly and openly addressed until it was too late!

Then on to the ....finer..questions.

• Are ALL limits known?
• Are safewords in place?
• Is the Dominant submissive Lifestyle to be carried out in public?
• Do I address you always as Master/Mistress?
• How do you address any other submissive?
• Any allowances for NOT addressing as same if around vanilla co- workers or unaware family members?
• Will there be a routine?...i.e. When is coffee made?
• How do I serve it?
• How do I sit, stand , or kneel?, if submissive.
• What do you expect from your submissive?
• If he/she is not a good cook or cleaner, they must be taught, so how much patience will be involved?
• And, of course, one of the most important decisions... smiles... Who sleeps on what side of the bed, and with how many pillows???

I truly believe if the above questions are asked and discussed, FREELY, there will be only minor problems when the two actually become one in r/l. As adults, we must deal with toothpaste top issues and toilet seat issues and what kind of toilet paper does your Dominant prefer?

Once you are in a real life situation, the rules of behavior change from online.You can look the other person in the eye now and you can feel their displeasure, in a variety of ways. You can also see the love and tenderness in their eyes that could only be typed before.

I am really here, next to you in the bed, with my arms covering you protectively.

Ok...now you have moved in together and begun your life as O/one. This is not as easy as it sounds...there is a vast difference between what happens in o/l relationships, and the reality of waking up every morning with Him.

observations..

Real life is so much sweeter it is true, but it is also a lot harder than maintaining an online relationship. i am not saying it is better...for some, online is all they can have and it can be a wonderful experience for them. But for me, real life is what i desired.

When online the love is just as real and sweet, the obedience is just as faithful and true...BUT... once the computer is clicked off, you go back to your real world and do as you wish, when you wish, how you wish....Real life changes all that.

The words, "i offer You my gift of submission and by doing so place Your needs and wants and desires above my own" are beautiful words...and very easy to type on a computer screen. But to actually do that in real life can be very difficult.

Not because you do not mean them, not because you cannot do it….but finding you are having to remind yourself of that submission promise frequently. Not because you do not love your Master…not because you do not want to fulfill that promise…it is just hard.

You do it willingly and freely….but standing at the sink, washing the dinner dishes and just as you get them done hearing Master calling, "How about a big bowl of ice cream lil one?" … SOMETIMES (because it is a pleasure to have the opportunity to serve Master) sometimes you just want to say back, "Can You come get it yourself? Or better yet, can we keep a dish clean for just a while Master?"…..but you have to smile and say to yourself…"you submitted to Him, you promised to please Him in whatever way He wished…if that means washing that damn bowl over and over again, then that is what you will do."

Now that example may sound simplistic and so totally unromantic…but that is real life at times. Because we share a Dominant submissive (D/s) lifestyle does not mean we do not have all the responsibilities and problems that vanilla couples share…we do….but we also have some that are unique to our lifestyle as well.

One of those is the absolute, unconditional premise that Master has the last word about everything…makes every final decision concerning our life…no ifs, ands or buts. Now, if you cannot bite your tongue with those ifs, ands or buts, you do not belong in a real life Dominant submissive (D/s) relationship . Complete obedience is a must for a submissive.

Notice i did not say blind obedience. You may still discuss and question your Master about some matters. But you must bear in mind that He does not have to allow those discussions or those questions….and still You must obey! ii you are lucky you will have a Master who tries to explain matters to you…wishes you to understand fully what and why He does things. you may not always get the explanation up front…but will at some point. And if you do not, you still obey…because that is what you have promised to do….that is part of your gift to Him.

Knowing my Master, knowing how much He loves and cares for you makes it easy to obey Him without question. Because you have complete confidence that what He does, He does for your best interests. But, in making the transition, there will been times when you have to consciously say to yourself…."okay, accept what He is saying, you have submitted yourself to His will, this is what you wanted"….and when you remind yourself of that, a smile again comes to your face because you know that the joy and the comfort all come from Him and the obedience then comes easily.

Reality

Perhaps the biggest difference in online and real life is the obvious…. nothing is dirty and needs washing online…no one gets tired and cranky online…all things come smoothly and neat and clean….so, therefore, one must realize the true impact of the opposite of real being unreal.

So much of what is online is unreal…. we have no furs strewn around on our floors in real life….i can reach to get a glass from the cupboard quite easily without my silks rising to expose my creamy soft derriere…especially since i wear no silks …lol….i test to see if the pasta is aldente by munching a piece but i do not rub the glass plate across my breasts to see if there is an imperfection…. and those plates and glasses and the clothes i wear instead of silks are clean and put away because i spend time doing it!

i understand fully the reasoning for doing all those things online…for those who are online it is the only way to present themselves to the Masters , the only way for them to draw a picture, if you will, of themselves. But just realize, if you are going to go to real from online, none of that applies. The sweet romance, the luscious physical pleasures, the wonderful conversations you are able to share online are still there in real life…but so is the real world. Accept that, understand that…and the transition may be easier.

But the most important thing i can say about going real life is the immeasurable happiness and contentment i feel as a submissive woman.

...To see the love in my Master's eyes for real as He takes me and uses this body that He owns for His pleasure is so very special....To see the sternness in those same eyes as He reprimands me when i slip and do wrong and sets me back on the right path fills this one with such a comfort and feeling of security....To feel those arms that i used to gaze at in His picture wrap around me as we fall to sleep at night brings me more joy than i ever thought possible.

...And to know deep down in my heart and soul that things will only keep getting better and better is reason enough to bless the day we decided to go "real life".