Discipline and Punishment in Dominant / Submissive Relationships

To Spank or Not to Spank?

A question that lots of new dominants ask regularly on advice forums is what types of punishments they can give to submissives. Most people when they are new tend to focus on spanking, paddling or whipping (this term encompasses quite a lot of implements and is not only done with a whip).  There are problems with this form of punishment, as some submissives do not respond well to spanking as a punishment. There are two groups that need to be discussed here.

The first group is the masochistic submissives or as we affectionately call them, the pain sluts. These submissives love to be hurt and spanking them is something they want. It is no punishment and sometimes they would even push a dominant into punishing them, just to get the thrill of that spanking. What would you do with someone like that? You withhold any form of pain play from them for a fixed period of time and you do not relent. Just like not being able to watch television upset your teenagers when they were growing up, taking away the prime motivator for a masochist should bring him or her back in line fairly quickly.

The second group that does not respond well to spanking is the group of submissives that do come from abusive relationships. A spanking is a form of abuse for them and they would withdraw from you eventually if you choose this type of punishment. Taking away privileges or giving them some time out, away from you, will do the trick here.

There are multiple other ways of punishing a submissive. One type of punishment is to make the submissive write out their transgression and why it should not be done again multiple times. Make sure that it is written out and not typed out. If you have an online sub, make sure that the sub wrote it out by having her or him scan the results of the effort and emailing it to you. The sub can also write an additional essay on what he or she has done wrong, why it was done, what it achieved and what to do to avoid repeating it. The submissive can also include possible punishments should the transgression be repeated in the essay.

In order to get the submissive into the space essential to help her or him take responsibility one could have them stand in the corner on their tip toes holding a coin with their nose for an extended period of time, not allowing them to stand on their feet for that period of time or until you are ready to speak to them. You could also command the submissive into a punishment position and have him or her maintain that position until you are clear-headed and no longer angry. Another way of punishing a sub is to make him or her kneel on a bed of rice. This is excruciating and also serves as a good reminder that obedience does pay. Punishment should never happen when you are angry or emotional.

Amongst slaves the worst possible punishment is to take away the privilege of serving the dominant, paradoxically meaning that the slave cannot wash the dishes for a day and watch the dominant do them. This is hell for the slave as it is the source of their pride that they can serve and taking that away makes them feel useless and guilty that they have disappointed. You can also choose to ignore the slave or submissive for a period of time. Most subs and slaves can't stand this tactic either and would do almost anything to avoid this.

Another form of punishment is to make the submissive do exactly what they did wrong without achieving the desired result or having them experience the result over and over again until it becomes too much. An example of this is to have a submissive masturbate with permission but with no release granted for as much as two days. You could also tell them to orgasm over and over again until it becomes painful. This punishment would suit a crime like a sub that masturbated without permission or that had an orgasm without permission. Another option is to place the submissive in a chastity belt for a period of time until they are cured of their urge to touch themselves without permission.

You have to make sure that the punishment fits the crime, as well and that you are consistent in applying this tool. Your submissive or slave needs to know that no transgression will go unpunished and that when it is punished, it will be unpleasant for both of you.

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