The title to this article is a cliché, and probably one of the more well-known of that genre, but have you ever wondered why a cliché survives? Perhaps it is simply because of the truth that is expressed. No, this essay isn't about clichés, but I just couldn't resist tossing out a little extra to think about.

There are times in life that define who and what we are…defining moments that, in some way, tell us what we are, who we are, and what we seek. Many of these moments come during a period of crisis, and many of them come after reflection. But come they will, and they will define you and become a part of you…a part of the "baggage" we all tote around, mostly unseen by others, but there nonetheless.

In this Dominant submissive lifestyle of ours, and I will quit referring to it as a "lifestyle", these moments can be legion. No, I will not say that these "moments" do not occur in "vanilla" life, for I had several of them during my service, in combat, in Vietnam many, many years ago, long before I decided to live this life, But, at least with me, they have been more prevalent in the past ten years that I have lived this life, than at prior times. Now I am talking "moments" that, upon reflection, show us, in clear, concise terms, who we are and that for which we stand.

At these moments, be you Dominant, Master, Top, or submissive slave, or bottom, you will be making decisions that can have wide-ranging effects, not only upon yourself, but upon others as well. The Dominant, Master, or Top that decides to offer a collar to another, or to release another, is making a decision that will define certain roles in their relationship with the other. The effect upon them will be seen and felt immediately within the two partners in the relationship…but what about the others on the periphery of this "main" relationship: the families, the kids, the grandkids, etc. Similarly, the submissive, slave or bottom that accepts the collar, or seeks release because of unmet NEEDS, makes the same sort of decision with the same effect.

It is during these "moments" that we are defined, according to our actions. For many, there is no willingness to make these decisions. We do not realize, many times, that in deciding to preserve the "status quo", to leave things as they are, to leave NEEDS unfulfilled on either side, is, in itself, a decision…a setting of the course of the relationship for the future. I am not going to sit here in judgment of your choice, the decision, or "non" decision, for that is not my role. I wish simply to alert you that such moments will come…what you do about them is your total responsibility. I have done both…sometimes to my detriment, and sometimes to my benefit.

In my opinion, the Dominant submissive life is totally about NEEDS. No, not wants, desires, dreams, or fantasies, but NEEDS…things that cut to the very core of our being. NEEDS that, while on the outside are not evident in our daily lives, that do not make us unable to function should they be unmet, but on the inside, leave us living a life that is unfulfilling, and lacking in places. By seeking this life, we are seeking the fulfillment of those NEEDS, on whatever side of the equation we stand. These NEEDS define which role in the relationship we choose, and, more importantly, how we fulfill our roles in that relationship. However, it is when those NEEDS are unfulfilled and we decide what we are going to do about the situation, that one of those "moments" occurs, and we define ourselves.

This essay is merely an introduction to a series of essays on NEEDS, and how we fulfill them, or leave them unfulfilled. This is merely a "heads up" to all of us that times will come when we will have to decide to "fish or cut bait". What we decide is up to us, as individuals.