Sub vs. Slave,, the differences

It seems a common question I hear is "What is the difference between a sub and a slave".  I think there are many perceptions or theories of what the differences are, or even if there are any differences.

 

What are your thoughts, what do you think the differences are?  Share your thoughts with us, let's hear your opinions.

CJ

Yes, as a slave you are owned and have no choices.............and as a submissive you choose to give the gift to those worthy.......more freedoms of choice but i say all the same definition wise...........as in today's society it all is about choice.....and being safe sane and consentual.......

 

It's about mutual respect, what works for the pair and what turns you on (winks).......personally i believe that the bdsm rooms have taken alot of the fun out of it with the "rules"..........and psychoanalyze way toooooo much about the bdsm dynamic......

My perspective.............

 

subsosweet_313

 

There are HUGE differences between submissive & slave. As the submissive to a primarily slave owner, trust me, it's NOT symantics (sp?). CJ has checked out my Dominant's site, so I feel comfortable posting it's address here if anyone is interested.

 (site address edited out for posting this to our community web site)

 

This might help with that particular question. Granted, not everyone's definition is going to be the same, but this is a pretty good comparison.

 

kisses,

selene

I personally feel there is no difference between the labels sub and slave.  I have no limits with my Master, consider myself to be his property and he makes decisions for me, however being as I am of African American descent I find the label of slave to be borderline abhorrent to me and feel it would be disrespectful to my ancestors to willingly label myself as such.

 

I willingly gave myself totally to my Master and I am owned.  What am I?  I am submissive.

Yes, as a slave you are owned and have no choices.............and as a submissive you choose to give the gift to those worthy.......more freedoms of choice

 

Now this confused me. Being new to the BDSM world i was told the slave choses to be a slave. Its thier "choice" so doesnt this contradict that which i was told? And they "chose" to give up their power etc...they have to agree to what their limits will be etc...they help to create that contract and they "chose" along with the Dom/me as to how their D/s realtionship will be.

 

So is that really correct to say they have no choice?

 

****I am still learning so please dont take my question as criticizing I mean no disrespect to anyone. I do plan to check out the link provided in the other reply also. Thanks.

lapis

Like i said Lapis.........after using my wording and if you shoud read what i said again........the definitions are pretty much the same..........we all have choices.........weather slave or submissive.......

 

I pretty much look at that the slave as someone who is apathetic.......does not know how to steer his or her life accordingly and needs someone to do it for them........a subbie i find enjoys life with more freedoms and liberties...........but enjoys to give a certain amount of control over to their lover...

 

Not to be rudundant..........but sis do your research within the books and your heart and draw your own conclusions........best advice anyone can give someone is none at all (winks)..........

OK - this sparked some controversy....

 

1 - Slaves do make a choice to become slaves. By my Master's definition, it is their last choice.

 

2 - I do not find slaves apathetic, and incapable of keeping their own lives. They make a choice to subjugate their wishes, and desires, in favor of their Master's wishes.

 

always,

selene

OK- sorry for the controversy.........

 

First may i say that was ONLY my perception, and i don't feel that anyone within the lifestyle should speak on behalf of all within it, and everyone's perspective is slightly different as the "lifestyle" may be different from one sub/Dom than to another.

 

What works for one may and does not work for all.............i respect all levels of the lifestyle and hope that i did not offend with my views......

 

May all within the community be well and prosper..........and have a good weekend (winks)

 

subsosweet_313

Oh subsosweet, no one is offended. And there is no controversy, its a discussion-it's all good. I have tried to find as much as I could about this subject and some is good others are just not complete. Open discussion like this helps to see the RL of BDSM and all it entails. I think its interresting to hear from slaves/subs of so many different Masters/Mistresses.

 

<and everyone's perspective is slightly different as the "lifestyle" may be different from one sub/Dom than to another.>

 

as you said. thanks, everyone

lapis

Well, are you submissive or slave? 

I guess it's all in the title. 

Will someone please tell me the name of this Gugu of BDSM-D/s who has set in stone the rules for being submisive or slave? 

Does it mater what you call yourself?  Its all just common sense here folks!!! 

You want to be slave 'in the strictest sense' I think someone posted in here, ok what is the strict definition of slave, who says it and why are you paying attention to it in the first place. 

One of the attractions of D/s is the 'do your own thing' scenario.  You do and be with your partner what is best for you!!!   Who cares if someone says your not a slave because you don't do IT their way?  If you consider yourself slave then I guess you are.

The degree to which you submit to your partner is your choice.  That is what negotiations are for.  If your contemplating submitting to someone who wants a slave and will demand you give control of your children over to them no questions asked,  then don't, just open the door and leave, walk away.  Common sense will tell you that you as a parent are responsible for your kids.  So? is it in their best interests to turn control over to another?  If you think it is good.  If not DON'T DO IT!!! its that simple.  And if someone or a lot of someones tell you you are not slave because you don't, well like I said who are they to judge you or anyone about how you live your D/s life.  Isn't it your choice? 

The same thing applies to anyone who thinks they have to pack up and move to be with a Master because he or she says you have to.  Ask yourself is it what you want?  Is this what is best for you? Have you negotiated this with them first before you accepted that collar or signed that contract?  Or is it just something they are all of a sudden demanding you do to prove you are slave or sub even.

My daughter is slave to her Master.  She moved accross the country to be with him, she also took her two kids with her.  Did she give total control of these kids to her Master, well I really couldn't say because it's her choice.  I think I drilled enough common sense into her for her to make the right decision in regards to what is best for her and her kids.  I defy anyone to say she is any less His slave if she didn't give all control over to him.  They negotiated how and what kind of relationship they will have. 

So,  please tell me, are you sub or slave?  Does it really matter what you call yourself if your happy?

If anyone demands you do to them, for them or with them anything that is not safe, sane and consensual then it isn't D/s.

 

lol just a few more thoughts tossed in here.

dee 

oh thats stinks i lost everything i wrote..lol...ok..lol...

 

Let me try again...while doing my research on D/s..I found that it seems in the 'old days...a true slave did pretty much give everything over to the Dom/me. (I could be wrong..but then I would think there were more cases than now). But nowadays I think its RARE..notice i said RARE...that you find 100% 24/7 D/s relationships...where EVERYTHING is turned over. For example...ok..this might be petty but I think its funny...slave turns over all assets etc $$ etc...then Dom/me commands slave to run the finances..lol...now to me thats funny. ok anyways..lol...sorry...

 

I think you answered yourself though sweet...every D/s relationship is different. If someone says this is HOW IT IS ..PERIOD..well "RUN!"..is my advice. you also said its negotiated...BINGO!!! If you cant negotiate..then "RUN!!"...would be my thought on that. I would think if my Dom/me demanded me to move or what have you and there was no room for negotiating ..forgetaboutit!!!See ya!!

As for children...well...I commend you sweet...but even in Vanilla relationships, women give all control over to step daddy...or even to the boyfriend. And  might even make the kid feel guilty if the realtionship fails..."see now if you behaved he would have stayed..." so why would it surprise you in a D/s relationship????

The fact is they negotiate...most do..but...well...it will happen, too.

 

As for me??I am a sub...and I just got a taste of what would happen if I let my Domme  handle things, with just booking airline tickets....wasn't pretty. LOL...Now she will miss another full day of work..ughhh...anyways...live and learn thats what I get for delegating her, her travel planning. lmao.

Hmmm..so maybe infact I am a slave..hmmmmm...lol

lapis