Hello E/everyone. I am new to this community and still very
new to the lifestyle of D/s. My Domme and I started out online
as friends over a year and a half ago. Even met over that period
of time *as friends*. Six months ago we talked and in the
talking She and I discovered that I was a submissive. Which I
had always felt but couldn't put my finger on it. Wow what a
rush... Wow someone that *knows* per se things that I didn't
know exactly what were. The feelings thoughts etc that it
envoked within me. OK, sorry that sounds like babbling. We
talked allot more over that time and I have been reading and
reading all that I can. Fast forward to here and now, we are
living together. It's real time now. *lol* Well, all that said
and done. I found it easy to be sub online much easier than I am
finding it to sub r/l. My question is this I guess. What could
be a reason that a sub hesitates to submit???
She feels my hesitancy comes from lack of confidence in Her.
Since it has been some years since She has lived the lifestyle
She even offered to see a professional if it would make me feel
better. Then when I read the mentoring post... I thought perhaps
Her and I should both consider that.
On another note, I am even struggling with negotiations...
Especially the punishment negotiations. *sigh*
Would love to hear O/others thoughts.
eden«C»
From: DaddysSpankiGirl
Sent: 1/28/2002
8:34 AM
Could be any number of reasons, and i'm sure you'll get lots
of armchair psychologists' advice to your post. Here's just
something to think about ... i've known a LOT of *online* Dom/Domme
and subs who love the emotional intensity of the online power
exchange. they get caught up in the depth of it all, the
breadth of it all, it is such a rich garden and it provides
many things that might be missing in their *real* lives.
then comes that fateful day ... when the sub believes s/he is
ready to make it all real. s/he has met the *right* Dom/Domme
to lead them to that place they think they need to be.
but, for *some reason* they just can't sub in r/t like they
could online. hmmm some things are better left to fantasy ...
as *real* as they may seem and feel, sometimes they just are
not. that doesn't make them any less powerful, they just
need to flourish in the *fantasy world* and evoke *real life*
feelings but not real life physical actions. again ..
just one perspective to ponder. i'll be interested in
all the many many pieces of advice you'll receive here on the
board. best wishes to you xoxo
From: selene
Sent: 1/29/2002
2:11 AM
Welcome to the real world (pun
intended!). Actually, I'm really glad you posted this. I get
crawled, on a regular basis for trying to get through to
people that 'online-only' is VASTLY different than real life.
As for advice, take it slowly.
Negotiating appropriate punishment is never easy, regardless
of how long you've been around. Trust takes time to build in
all relationships. Finding a mentor is not a bad idea, nor
would finding a 'kink-friendly' relationship counselor.
I wish you success and happiness,
selene
From: Dreamer_§dream§
Sent: 1/30/2002
2:40 AM
Hello, Wanted to add My
two cents here smiles*. We also met online and are now r.l. It
is so very different! Where once online I got such respect
from her now in r.l 24/ 7 it is somewhat different.LOL. It is
reallife that is different. Kids work illnesses stress and no
shutting the computer down and walking away. The first thing I
realised was the trust. Was it there? No. This is one of the
key elements. Realising this I also realised that it will and
does take time and alot of hard work within to begin to learn
to completely trust another even though your deeply in love. As
a Domme I had to step back and take a long look at U/us and
then began to work hard to gain the trust that is
needed. As for the negotiations of consequences and
punishments same thing. Sometimes you have to start off with
very small ones and work up as you grow into the lifestyle. An
essay or some sentences or 3 minutes in the corner just little
ones to begin. Why rush this when you have a lifetime togehter.
Becoming close friends and lovers is the first priority and
working slowly towards similar goals in this lifestyle
together as O/one. Don't be so hard on yourself hun. All good
things come in time. Don't rush. Be good to yourself.
Just My opinions.
MistressDreamer§dream§
From: eden«C»
Sent: 2/6/2002
10:44 AM
Thank Y/you A/all for Y/your responses.
The input is much appreciated. It has been decided some things
will be on hold for the time being.
Questions about our site? Click the ask live icon to chat live or leave a message with our site host. CJ isn't always available, but generally you can find Him here from about 8:30 - 11:00 pm Eastern time. Your questions about the site, the Asj community or just about the lifestyle in general are always welcome. If nothing else, take a moment and tell us what you think of this feature!
The input is much appreciated. It has been decided some things
will be on hold for the time being.