BDSM - Forced Submission Versus Consensual Submission

 by Bea Amor

In the article on submissive types to avoid, I discussed the type of submissive who feels the need to constantly push the envelope in order to get punished or push the dominant to force him or her to do something that should have come naturally if their only desire was to serve. In this article we will be looking at this behavior more closely and we will also discuss how one or two Masters known for their training skills has handled this problem. Thus we will be taking an example of a submissive that exceeded the boundaries of what we could a smart assed masochist or even a brat.

A submissive called Sandy entered the lifestyle about 3 years ago. Since she is quite good looking, she never had a problem finding dominants that wanted to play with her. She quickly did the rounds as a prolific pain slut and she was the one everyone wanted because she could take so much. Other than wanting to scene with her, most dominants seemed to avoid her in any longer term capacity. She would start as someone's submissive under consideration and in a matter of weeks and sometimes days, she would be released. She always shone with life but her brilliance was fading fast. She came to me a month later and confessed her heartbreak and confusion as to why no one seemed to want to stay with her. I must confess I was mystified myself since I envied her the ability to stoically endure what I would probably never be able to do.

I then started to talk to all the dominants that started training her and without asking, by just mentioning her name got the most surprising reactions. They all appreciated her but did not want to dominate her longer term since she was just too much too handle and they found her constant reactance and brattiness offensive and manipulative. This was the one we all wanted to be and they found her bratty. I was shocked.

I went back to her and found her trying to forge a relationship with an online dominant that I had had dealings with and warned everyone about because of his domineering and offensive behavior and his lack of respect for any kind of limit. She was enamored and could not stop giggling. He was pushing all her buttons. This got me to thinking and I suddenly realized that she was wired to like someone who would force her to do things against her will. She entered the lifestyle looking for someone who would do exactly that. How do I know this? She also confessed that her recurring fantasy was to be forced to serve sexually and in any other way her dominant wanted all the time. She did not feel submissive when no force was present and could not bring herself to obey then. It was hardly surprising that no one wanted her.

I told her about this dominant she found so exciting and how he had hurt several submissives in the past. I also asked her to stay with me and got her to look at her reasons for submission. To make a long story short, I finally introduced her to a Master I know who had tamed several difficult submissives in the past. He was dubious about her as reputations do matter in the lifestyle but decided to take her on as he saw the beautiful girl inside that was afraid of her own submissive feelings. He knew that she needed to let go of the shame and guilt before she could blossom into a gorgeous slave.

He succeeded in training her so well that not only is she the biggest pain slut in our group she also found a man who collared her and will not let her go, if I am not mistaken. What did he do though? What does one do with someone who will constantly engage in a power struggle instead of submitting and serving like they need to do?

There are two main thrusts to his form of training. You give the submissive so much of the forced servitude that suddenly it does not seem all that appealing. He forced her to eat, to dress in clothes that were completely unappealing, to pleasure herself all the time and to do all the chores and other tasks he set out for her in very uncomfortable positions. Her reward for doing something well was not having to face the painful ways he found to force her to do things. He humiliated her in front of everyone telling them how pathetic she actually was because she could not really submit. She started to do things right in order not to face the shame of public degradation and constant physical pain.

This was where the second part of his plan was started. He stopped humiliating her for the things she struggled to do and instead praised her efforts, however small it was. He would reward her with some erotic form of play and smile at her when she did something in the way he wanted it.  She started to look forward to the affirmation that she was doing well and blossomed. Of course she would revert to her old patterns when she had the urge to be humiliated but by now he realized it was because she enjoyed the humiliation play and it gave her pleasure to show him that she could take it and do him proud at the same time. When she became the pushy brat he ignored her. He did not show any sign of his knowledge that she was present. She quickly realized that if she wanted something the best way was to humbly ask for it. Her old ways only got the bad reaction of not pleasing him. The new way of asking forced her to face her own responsibility for her own needs and wants and to not be ashamed of them.

When she was disobedient he would stop all forms of play and isolate her to think. He would do so when there was a play party and he had indicated all week long how excited he was to play in public. As her punishment, he would make her aware how much it hurt him to have to stay home to make sure she was okay and not be playing. At last she began to see that the punishment was not fun for him since it deprived him of the chance of using her as he saw fit. It deprived her of ways to show him how much she wanted to give him pleasure. Her long road to submission and finally slavery finally began when she broke down and begged for his forgiveness one night instead of feeling resentment because she would not be played with. She wanted to not cause any pain and she could see how much it hurt him when she was not being the submissive he wanted her to be.

She found the real submissive inside her and she connected the dots that her real need to serve is not shameful, her disobedience and recalcitrance was shameful and led to pain for both her and the dominant. She found out that forced servitude on a daily basis is not a pleasant reality and when she stopped pushing for it the joy of service was amplified beyond her wildest expectations. A real master was all it took.

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