a submissives journey

Asj online communities

ask live online 

may we suggest...

A submissives journey - The Baskin Robbins Theory

The Baskin Robbins Theory

Over the years I’ve often described what I call the Baskin Robbins Theory to teach about the freedom and diversity of D/s relationships and BDSM activities. And to promote the tolerance of that myriad diversity. It’s a simple concept that I present for you here, in hopes that it helps you discover the true freedom of creating your unique and most pleasing and personally fulfilling version of the lifestyle, while allowing others that same independence and free choice.

How many of you have been to a Baskin Robbins ice cream store? You know the one, home of the 31 flavors. What a great place to exercise our individual and personal tastes. So many flavors to choose from; chocolate, vanilla, pistachio, rocky road, and on and on and on. Available in so many different ways; cone, cup, banana split, milkshake, and dozens more. And then there are the extras; sprinkles, dips, nuts, cherries, whipped cream, etc. The potential number of combinations is in the thousands.

When you walk into an ice cream parlor the server asks you what you want, and how you want it. You’re asked what flavor you desire, how you want it served, and what extras you want on it. The choice is entirely yours, because the server couldn’t possibly know what your personal tastes are. And even if you were to go to that ice cream parlor daily, chances are that your tastes will change from day to day.

Now, have you ever been to a munch, Dungeon, D/s chat room, or any other RL or online lifestyle gathering? If so, you may have learned that the lifestyle has only three rules: Safe, Sane and Consensual. It’s short and simple, similar to most ice cream parlors with two rules, No Shirt, No Shoes, No Service. Beyond that, what you make of the lifestyle is supposed to be to your personal tastes. Tastes and preferences that only you can know. Just like your personal tastes in ordering ice cream.

A D/s relationship, and BDSM activities, are very similar to a trip to Baskin Robbins. The choices are extensive, and what you choose is personal to your unique and individual tastes and preferences. Some may choose whips, chains and knives, while others choose humiliation, orgasm control and age play. So long as it is Safe, Sane and Consensual, what you choose merely reflects what makes you enjoy. No one can know what Y/your tastes and preferences are except you. No one can MAKE you like pistachio ice cream, or a crop, if you don’t like it.

Perhaps you’ve also noticed that despite the three rules of Safe, Sane and Consensual, there seems to be an undercurrent of pressure to “enjoy” some of the more popular D/s or BDSM menu items or act in some "acceptable" manner, and to “avoid” some of the less popular items. That despite the fact D/s is supposed to be something you create to your unique, personal tastes, there is often peer pressure that “steers” people towards the most popular chocolate and vanilla cones.

This unspoken peer pressure extends to the very essence of who we are. All too often submissives are told they are “not submissive enough” as an example. The people that express those opinions are doing a great disservice to the recipients of such advice. In point of fact, all they are expressing is their personal preferences in a submissive, which has nothing to do with the personal preferences of anyone else. It is similar to telling someone that their chocolate ice cream tastes awful, that the vanilla is better. It may be just right for one, and not for another. That’s the point of personal tastes. They are personal and unique to us all.

In the example above, one Dominant may enjoy the chocolate ice cream while another does not. Similarly, one Dominant may find a submissive “not submissive enough” while the next Dominant may cherish his/her behavior just the way it is. Try to keep in mind that both are simply expressing their personal tastes and preferences. The submissive simply needs to find a Dominant that enjoys his/her version of chocolate ice cream, or, in other words, his/her version of submission.

Consider that when a Dominant and submissive form a relationship, it is analogous to deciding to eat out of the same bowl. Two spoons, one bowl of ice cream. They share. So it’s essential that both enjoy the same ice cream, the same flavor, the same extras on it. In submitting to a Dominant, a submissive can not change what he/she likes and dislikes, nor can a Dominant force that upon him/her. No matter how hard you try, no one can be forced to enjoy ice cream that they do not enjoy. Nor can one be made, or make themselves, enjoy a version of D/s or BDSM activities that they do not.

A few helpful hints to keep in mind during your personal journey in D/s, and your search for a partner to walk with you along your way.

Never force your personal tastes or preferences upon others. Avoid statements like “you’re not submissive enough”. That submissive may not be submissive enough for you, but is perfect for someone else. Remember that the statement could just as easily be turned around to say that you’re “not Dominant enough”.


Be confident and comfortable in your own personal tastes and preferences.


Be yourself, not what you think others expect of you.
Only you can know what it is that you like. No one can tell you what you like, or force it upon you.


When you invite someone to share your bowl ice cream (your version of D/s and BDSM), make sure that you both enjoy the same flavors, made the same way.

As you explore the lifestyle, keep the Baskin Robbins Theory in mind. Know what it is that you enjoy in the lifestyle and seek a mate that enjoys the same. After all, you’ll both be eating out of the same bowl of ice cream for a long time.


Rover

Copyright 2002