The question I get asked most about sex — is it normal? This question may be applied to a particular activity, fantasy, preference, feeling or desire. What fascinates me about this is that the question needs to be asked in the first place. It once again comes back to the aspect of guilt that shrouds so many of our sexual attitudes. I believe that it's because of poor education about sex, so let's look at this concept of 'normal'.
What constitutes 'normal' in modern society? Is it heterosexual sex? Is it the missionary position? Is it the 'Saturday night special' between married couples? It's like trying to classify a normal family these days. How can we when diversity is so widespread?
We have to have a 'norm' to judge things by, even if only so that we can see how far from it we've deviated! But let's be clear on its purpose and not measure ourselves, or our own success rates, by what everyone else appears to be doing. For a start, none of us really knows what goes on behind closed bedroom doors. Our quietest neighbors may be the raunchiest and the ones we suspect of having wild times may be deadly dull!
When I'm continually asked if things are normal, I say the best criteria are these: Does it feel right for you? Is it harmful to you? Is it harmful to others? Is everybody involved a willing participant?