Probably the most important lesson I have learned about this lifestyle is “to each their own”. What is right for one will not be right for all. I will use that as a preface to my essay tonight as to say my words here tonight are my view and my ideals alone, and in no way reflect the view of our community or any one person in the community other than myself. What was requested in this particular essay is what characteristics make a good Master (in my eyes).
For me, someone who I can achieve the proper expectation with is an important characteristic. For some this lifestyle is 24/7 commitment, they live their life in servitude to their Master. For others it is a commitment that takes place only online. For me, I am somewhere in the middle. I do have a career and a family that needs my daily attention; therefore, I cannot devote my entire existence to just one person. I do not wish or expect someone to take care of me financial and therefore must work to support myself. Even if someone came into my life and all felt right, I don’t think emotionally or spiritually that I would be satisfied if I could not work. I need to work and feel that I have a place in society, somehow making it a better place. On the other hand while an online D/s relationship is convenient, I know deep down in my heart I could never to truly happy. To never feel the loving touch of my Master’s hand or the power behind any instrument of his choice would be almost a crime. To never kneel before him and watch a smile of approval sweep across his face, to never feel his gentle touch wipe my tears away makes me wonder if just an online relationship would be gratifying enough. For me the answer is no. There is so much lost, so much never seen and never felt for if only for a brief moment. Too look into His eyes and see the expression of pride or to feel the power behind just his hand across my bottom for his pleasure alone. Is a submissive truly a submissive without knowing these things first hand? Well that might be a topic for another time.
As in any relationship both partners should be truthful and honest. Once these lines are broken it is a very difficult and road to travel to win back the trust of the betrayed loved one. Sometimes it doesn’t matter how much you love them or are sorry for what you did, sometimes “I am sorry” will never heal the wound that was created. On the flip side of the coin, neither of these two attributes should be taken lightly or given lightly. It takes time to build a solid relationship and time to build trust and time to begin to feel close enough to expresses you honest feelings, desires, needs, and wants.
Something I should probably clarify is for me my submission runs deep; I cannot submit to someone with whom I do not love. I have tried to have a session as just that “a session” no ties, no strings. Purely pain and pleasure intermingled as one with out the heart to get in the way. For me there was something always missing. I never felt complete, whole, or like I truly submitted. There was always a piece of me that the Dominant could never have, and up until the time I found love and D/s I felt I never gave all of myself. Therefore, I felt like I never truly submitted. Perhaps that experience spoiled me, I’d like to think it clarified for me what it felt like to truly submit. I no longer could “play” with a partner for the thrill or just the experience; I always left feeling unfulfilled. A part was always missing. Now for some, and in a lot of the reading you will find, they say a true Dominant will never allow his heart to get in the way. I don’t happen to subscribe to this philosophy, but then again this lifestyle means a lot of different things to different people. We all say that we need to practice tolerance to others in our community that might have a different opinion than our own, but unfortunately that does not always happen. Opinions and views run an emotional trench through each of us and it is difficult at times to look at others views with an objective mind.
With the above paragraph out of the way, moving forward, to me a good Dominant encompasses many things. While being firm and demanding he is also caring and loving. He is so many important figures; friend, confidant, lover, father, mentor, guide, judge, and jury. I do not envy the hard road that the Dominant in my life has to travel. While molding me to what he deems as the perfect submissive he will also help me grow and become a better person in my own personal life and for society. While pushing me to do things that may not seem comfortable he will allow me to feel success in things that might come a little easier to me. Just like a child who excels in reading and struggles in math, a good teacher pushes the child more and more in reading feeling success in his accomplishments but starts at an easier level in math, eventually gaining momentum and success and therefore gaining more self confidence in themselves as a whole. The contrary would be to push and push in the area of math, watching the child struggle rarely feeling the joy of success without allowing the child to shine in the subjects that he excels at, reading. The child rapidly becomes frustrated and loses his own positive view of himself. The Dominant in my life will understand this struggle and help me to blossom in both areas of strength and weakness no matter what level the starting point is and will continue to push and allow for the successes to be achieved.
A good Dominant will have balance in his life. The lifestyle will not be his entire life. He will have a career and goals to achieve. Friends and or family will be important to him and also to strive for personal and professional growth will be of importance too. To help his friends and family in their day-to-day life and helping them to achieve that success will also be of importance to him. Continued growth in education whether it is for personal and or professional will be a priority also. As his submissive I will help in anyway possible to help him achieve that success and be understanding that his time and our time together is precious as he recognizes the same about my time. As his submissive I will try to achieve a balance between all aspects of my life and allocate appropriate time to him, as he will do for me as well.
A very important factor is his level headedness. Although I may not please him at all times and in all ways, he will look at the situation rationally. I understand as his submissive that this might not be achieved at a moments notice and could possibly take some time to assess the situation in the proper frame of mind. I will do my best to allow for this time and await the time where the situation may be discussed in the appropriate manner. As time goes by and trust and understanding of each other is gained as situations arise we will have faith in the character of each other take what others say or do with a grain of salt as we can attest to the person we know. If I am out of line and behave in a manor that is unbecoming of him or myself I do expect punishment to be swift and just. On that note the dominant in my life will have provided a guideline or set of rules so that I understand completely what is expected of me and what is acceptable and unacceptable. Guidelines will be followed by both parties to the letter; I will be reprimanded/punished for failure to comply with the agreed upon terms and he will not waiver on said guidelines. Upon compilation of said guidelines both parties will review and make any addendums to said regulations. The importance in communicating and understanding why any misunderstood or misinterpreted rules were made will be an important factor. Creating almost a contract of behavior or guidelines aka rules will be a joint effort and approval is needed by both said parties.