I have read quite a few questions with regards to parenting in a BDSM household. Most of these households have one submissive and one dominant, and a few children. In the lifestyle there are always questions on whether the children will be raised to be part of the lifestyle or whether they will remain untouched by any BDSM. It is difficult to hide this lifestyle as there will always be subtle nuances in relationship dynamics and sometimes someone might forget a piece of incriminating evidence somewhere in the house without thinking. There is also the issue of lifestyle friends and what happens when they come to visit. It is up to the individual, but most parents agree that it is not their intention to raise their children to become the new generation of BDSM practitioners. It is their intention to teach their children moral values and principles and then to have them make the decisions that are right for them.

It is important to note that most teenage children do not want to know anything about mommy and daddy's sex life and prefer to think of them as sexually inactive. Just the thought of sex taking place disgusts them. How do you handle it then when they find that flogger or that dildo that you take such great pains to hide almost all the time? Are you honest with them and give them details on what is happening or do you just make a little comment of not knowing where that came from? I am all for being honest if they ask what the flogger is and why they found it in your home. You owe them that much if that is their need. It shows integrity and honesty and also shows that you take responsibility for your choices if you can share this with them in an adult way. Remember that this discussion will probably have a few heated moments, but that you need to handle it in the same way you would when you discuss things with them like having found a girlie magazine in their room. Do not be a hypocrite at any time and allow them their emotions without attacking them for it.

If they do not want to know, then quietly remove the offending toy and remember to be more careful in future. Is it necessary to share all details with them because you feel like it or you feel it would make them as open minded as you?  No. Many times they will feel judgment instead of acceptance for you and will also see you as the enemy, not the saint of their dreams. They need to see you as responsible and "normal".

In a relationship like a Master and slave relationship where little details like mommy kneeling when she presents daddy with a drink or her calling him Master happens, you need to have that talk with your kids. It happens often that there are several levels to this talk and that it happens over a period of weeks. Some couples have weekly meetings where the kids have their say and speak out about the things they see and what they would rather not be party to. For instance, one couple built a room outside their home to use for punishment as the daughter had heard her mother cry while being punished and could not handle it. Just the thought of the possibility of spankings occurring in the home while the kids were there, frightened her so much that she withdrew and needed a lot of love to return emotionally. Now punishments happen in that other room or when the children aren't present. The couple also does not go to the room at the same time or leave it at the same time. He leaves from the back door and goes into the home with a different route and mom leaves after she has composed herself. The couple has told their kids that this place is a writing space for mommy and it is set up to look that way when they enter it too.

I have only been privy to one house where the daughter had been groomed to be submissive like her mother. The daughter chose this herself when she turned 16 and she went to ask her father to introduce her to people that she could submit to. Her sister wanted nothing to do with the lifestyle and she was never forced to do so.

In all the homes, normality is what kids experience. What happens in the bedroom or playroom remains private and is not discussed. The children experience parents who believe in consequences to disobedience but they also lear that everything must be discussed openly if they ever feel the need to talk. They also learn that after they had finished the two-week long period of having to clean the kitchen and house as punishment, that they are forgiven and that it is forgotten. They learn that mommy and daddy respect, trust and love each other and that they always listen to each other. All the good things about D/s or M/s automatically become part of their lives, without anyone noticing. If you have been able to hide the bedroom or playroom and have taught your children the values that had attracted you to each other, I believe you have succeeded in bringing up responsible, loving adults. BDSM is not abuse and living it with integrity will never hurt your children unless you play in front of them and disregard their needs.