A "Red
Flag" is any indication that you should steer
clear of a particular person, either Dom/me or sub. These can pop up at any
time, though most often in the beginning of a potential relationship. They can
be obvious or they can be subtle.
Some common examples might be...
1. Inappropriate questions or comments during the initial conversations, such as
do you want to play? or what are you wearing? or what do you look like? or
asking for your phone number immediately, etc. Such questions have nothing at
all to do with D/s, but rather indicate the person is looking for cyber or phone
sex.
2. Moving too quickly: if the prospective Dom/me or sub seems to be in a hurry
to begin a relationship, or to advance it faster than seems reasonable or
comfortable for you. Like if they want to meet you within the first 10 minutes
online. Trust is the cornerstone. and cannot be rushed. Clearly, there is no
arbitrary time frame, but most long-lasting relationships take several weeks if
not months to build before actual contact.
3. Inappropriate attitude: "bow down and worship me" those who act as
if every submissive must obey every so-called Dom, and begin giving or obeying
orders from the word go. Or those who have the idea that each and every Tom,
Dick, and Harry must be addressed as Sir, whether they know them or not. Many
subs in the chat rooms do this, but respect is worth little if it is so lightly
given. Both of these attitudes and practices show a poor understanding of the
true dynamics of Dominance and submission.
4. Safety violations: reluctance to have a safeword or other safety precautions
in place, either during the first meeting or later. Run.
5. Lack of communication: if your potential partner is reluctant to discuss
something with you, pay attention. Likewise, and equally serious, if you are
told directly or indirectly, that you may not discuss something with others, or
may not talk to someone else, or may not go to a particular area, be careful.
Trying to "gag" someone is a sign that something is wrong.
6. A persistent bad reputation: or unwillingness to give references. This can be
tricky if the person you are talking to is new online, but it is still a red
flag. Or perhaps a yellow one.
7. Trashing ex-partners. When someone is constantly talking about their ex
publicly in the chat rooms and on bb's, i.e., trying to ruin their rep, try to
keep in mind that you might be their "ex" someday and be subjected to
such treatment if things do not go the way they want. This is something that
both Dom/mes and subs are frequently guilty of. Warning others of potential
danger from an ex-partner is obviously a different case.
8. Frequent inconsistencies. If someone often makes contradictory statements
from one day to the next, like Mon. tells you s/he has no children, then on
Fri., mentions his/her son's birthday or something. If a person often seems to
have a lot of trouble remembering what they have said to you from one day to the
next, it could be that they are telling a lot of people a lot of different
things. Just in general, I would encourage anyone to really try to get to know
someone before making a final judgment on their character. However, caution and
common sense should always rule. If you have doubts, do not give out personal
information. You can still talk to this person, but be careful and please, trust
that GUT INSTINCT.
Author Unknown
Asj's Online Safety Asj's Site Map Asj's Home Page