Thoughts on a Dominant submissive (D/s) Relationship
Sometimes life decides that hey, I don’t have enough to deal with.
I’m learning to deal.
In the meantime, I’m learning a lot more about being submissive. Also, by some accident of fate I’ve recently been introduced to two new subs who are not insane, one who is a lifestyle submissive as I am.
Even better, she’s dating Adam who, despite his numerous attempts at repression is quite naturally dominant, to the point that he’s my “brother dom”.
What, you didn’t know that there are different types of dom/sub relationships? The list is practically unending:
- Dominant spouse/ submissive spouse
- Dominant S.O./ submissive S.O.
- Parent/ child
- Teacher/ student
- Commanding officer/ subordinate
- Boss/ employee
- Mentor/ protege
- Dominant sibling/ submissive sibling
Yes, all of the above are very common relationships HOWEVER most people in those relationships are SITUATIONALLY dominant or submissive.
A naturally dominant person can just as easily be the student as the teacher, or the parent or the child or vice versa. That’s situational. However, when a naturally dominant person is in the position of dominance and a naturally submissive person is in the position of submission both are at their most comfortable.
Most people when they think about dominance and submission think about sex, scenes or games. Natural dominance and submission are much more broad and situational than just being about sex.
For example, my Uncle Charlie is naturally dominant and in reality was my first dom. His expression of dominance was to look after me, encourage me, scold me if needed, and reward me in the form of affection (something my own parents sucked at). In no way was/is the relationship sexual but instead was very parental in form. The form however does not change the fact that it’s a dom/sub relationship.
Adam is naturally dominant, though horribly repressed. He is dominant to me in certain situations; certainly when David isn’t around he assumes the dominant role, and I become submissive to him (I guarantee he’s reading this right now and freaking out a little bit). He also watches out for me, puts up with my craziness, and keeps me calm in situations where David cannot be there for whatever reason (he offered to sleep on the couch the entire time David was gone on a business trip for example). If I have a panic attack that David alone cannot handle, he can usually calm me down. This is all an expression of dominance in the sense of being the one in control of the situation. The relationship he and I have is closer to a sibling relationship, and has absolutely nothing to do with sex (so much so that his girlfriend does not seem to have a problem with it all, and I love her dearly).
Dominance and submission are broader than sex and much more inclusive. Sexual dominance is just an expression of dominance, as are scenes and games.
There’s much more to dominance and submission than meets the eye.
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