Sunday, October 10, 2010
Class log 10-10-2010
[CJsHere] 9:11 pm: evening all...
[CJsHere] 9:11 pm: I apologize for being late,, a puter problem wouldn't let Me in,
[jade_DM] 9:11 pm: WB Sir CJ
[gigifaye_JMY] 9:11 pm: wb Sir CJ
[subnistri] 9:11 pm: Hello Sir CJ
[CJsHere] 9:11 pm: since I'm so late, and I did make it in,, lets' see if we can't get started right off the bat,, again, My apology and welcome to the new faces.
[new_seeking] 9:11 pm: see's the Asj key in fire's hands.....behind her back ;)
[CJsHere] 9:12 pm: wanted to talk about a couple of topics this evening,,, so, we'll probably hit more than one topic, but here we go,, first one,, one that I'm sure is near and dear to everyone,,, wanted to talk just a bit about journals.
[CJsHere] 9:12 pm: uh huh,, that thing that most of the girls are so busy entering into faithfully each evening,,
[Sir DM] 9:13 pm: very good tool
[CJsHere] 9:13 pm: if you haven't seen it,, visit http://www.asubmissivesjourney.com/journal1.html you'll also find a couple of journal related links on that page, including a journal site I recommend,,,,
[jade_DM] 9:14 pm: had a sudden moment of panic...couldn’t remember if i did my journal today
[cece] 9:14 pm: likes diary.com too, let's you add tasks and calendar entries as well as journal
[CJsHere] 9:16 pm: first thing I'll say about journals,, done properly, a journal is probably not a document that you'll want to share with just anybody,, so when I see a girl tell Me how her journal is "public" and posted for all to see and comment, it tells Me right off the bat, the girl is probably missing the boat on what a journal is for, and how she's using it.. so if you've got an online journal, and you've got it where anyone can view it and comment on it,, I have to wonder if your journal is really what it should be..
[CJsHere] 9:17 pm: Next thing,, a journal is or can be a form of communication... yes,, communication with your Dominant, but also, think about it,, can't it also be a form of communication with yourself?
[CJsHere] 9:17 pm: A journal actually can serve may purposes.. anyone want to suggest what some of these "purposes" might be?
[jade_DM] 9:17 pm: you can go back and refer to it. see your progress, what your thoughts were what was going on in your life at that time
[jade_DM] 9:18 pm: help you get to where you want to be in your relationship
[cece] 9:18 pm: helps you think through things, work out issues
[subnistri] 9:18 pm: to articulate in words, what you can't articulate in thoughts.
[jade_DM] 9:18 pm: learn and communicate
[CJsHere] 9:18 pm: nods,, it's a way of looking back, seeing the progress you've made, reviewing how you've interpreted things in the past,,
[jade_DM] 9:19 pm: a way to keep yourself in "check" so to speak
[CJsHere] 9:19 pm: nods to cece, yes, it can be a way of "thinking out loud" so to speak,, putting your ideas on paper giving you a chance or opportunity to look over them, think about them,
[jade_DM] 9:19 pm: a way of thinking before speaking
[CJsHere] 9:19 pm: nods to jade,, yes,, a form of communication,, but, can you clarify what you mean by "keeping yourself in check"?
[jade_DM] 9:20 pm: break things down...i myself think better that way. i can see what i did right and or wrong, what i am doing what i want to do
[CJsHere] 9:20 pm: nods, a way to review your courses of action, your decisions,
[jade_DM] 9:21 pm: yes Sir
[cece] 9:21 pm: it's a good place to vent so you can gather your composure too before speaking to O/others
[CJsHere] 9:21 pm: okay, here’s a question or two for you, and let's see what kind of answers I get,,
[CJsHere] 9:21 pm: If a girl is in a bad "relationship", can her journal help to show her this? if so, how?
[jade_DM] 9:22 pm: yes, she would have a written journal of how things were...
[cece] 9:22 pm: absolutely Sir, she can read what she's written, helps expose a trend of behaviors, make her realize just how bad it might be
[new_seeking] 9:23 pm: Sir CJ.....
[jade_DM] 9:23 pm: she can go back and look at the days and see how they evolved and hopefully figure out that they were not good
[CJsHere] 9:23 pm: hhmmm, so saying that cece and jade,, if the girl were to find herself in an abusive relationship, can a journal help her to identify that?
[new_seeking] 9:23 pm: what if its not a wise thing to put her true thoughts in the journal if the Dom is going to read it? What if it makes things worse for her?
[jade_DM] 9:23 pm: she could see that it is not a good relationship by her fears she has written, her concerns
[CJsHere] 9:24 pm: can you give an example seeking?
[KnightCastle] 9:24 pm: if the person it is being written for does not provide adequate feedback on the journal, thats a good sign its not a healthy relationship as well
[CJsHere] 9:24 pm: nods to Knight,,
[new_seeking] 9:24 pm: like You stated....if she's in an abusive relationship and she writes how she's truly feeling about that abuse, it may set HIM off again
[KnightCastle] 9:25 pm: its the same as talking to a wall as the saying goes.
[jade_DM] 9:25 pm: agrees with seeking
[CJsHere] 9:25 pm: nods to seeking,, let's see if I can clarify that a bit,
[CJsHere] 9:26 pm: IMHO, if you are in a relationship that you have to "fear" being honest or truthful about what you might enter in your journal,, it's time to "run", not walk,,, "run"... remember,, this is a from of communication, if you can't communicate, there's a problem,, if it comes to the point that you fear communicating, then its a "major" problem.
[jade_DM] 9:27 pm: absolutly Sir
[KnightCastle] 9:27 pm: If you are afraid of writing something in a journal for fear of what reaction it might wroght, That in itself is sign that its not a healthy relationship.
[CJsHere] 9:27 pm: I'd go one step further Knight, I say not only is it not healthy,, there's a damn good chance it's plain sick,
[KnightCastle] 9:28 pm: I lay deffernce tio your experience in that regard CJ
[Sir DM] 9:28 pm: there is a difference in Dominance and being a bully
[CJsHere] 9:29 pm: remember,, as a sub/slave, it's your obligation, responsibility,, even duty, to be open and honest with your Dominant, now, ifyou're in a situation that you have to fear that,, ruh roh,, Houston, we have a problem,
[CJsHere] 9:29 pm: now, let's clarify a moment,
[KnightCastle] 9:29 pm: Dominance is not Domineering, is what I have always said Sir DM
[Sir DM] 9:29 pm: absolutely Knight
[Sir DM] 9:29 pm: err Knight
[CJsHere] 9:29 pm: I'm not talking about a girl is "afraid to talk about something because she's going to get disciplined, for something justifiably so." .....
[CJsHere] 9:30 pm: I'm discussing where she's afraid of commenting on something for fear of retribution, for fear "He's" going to come down on her for sharing how she feels.
[Sir DM] 9:30 pm: she is still entitled to her feelings and opinions
[jade_DM] 9:31 pm: it is just how she expresses them
[CJsHere] 9:31 pm: as DM said, yes, a sub/slave is entitled to their feelings, emotions,,
[jade_DM] 9:31 pm: if the girl is afraid to express then it is not SSC
[cece] 9:33 pm: if a girl were afraid of retribution, she wouldn't put the words in her journal that were her thoughts and feelings...she'd leave them out, wanting to withhold them should be another sign it's time to go
[CJsHere] 9:33 pm: It needs to be understood that essentially, a journal should be a safe ground,,, no matter what she enters in that journal, it should not be a source of information for the Dominant to "punish the girl".. no, it's not a confessional either that the girl knowing she did something wrong, quick, enter it in the journal and then saying, nope, can't punish me for this cause it's in my journal.
[Sir DM] 9:33 pm: lol
[CJsHere] 9:34 pm: and yes, I've seen girls try to get away with that, so please, no, don't try it,, it doesn't work that way.
[jade_DM] 9:34 pm: disapointed i didnt think of that lol
[Sir DM] 9:34 pm: wouldnt have worked any ho
[CJsHere] 9:35 pm: does a girl have to be collared to keep a journal?
[Sir DM] 9:35 pm: NOPE
[jade_DM] 9:35 pm: no Sir
[Sir DM] 9:35 pm: just may not choose to share it with anyone
[CJsHere] 9:35 pm: hmm, but if she's not collared, what's the sense of keeping a journal?
[KnightCastle] 9:35 pm: my personal opinion is that I prefer my sub to talk to me about everything. If I as a Dominant foster a atmosphere of acceptance and willingness to discuss "anything" a journal is not only not required, its a moot point. Communication is key, and the best understood in in person face to face, not written words which could be misconstrued and then cause unitentional misunderstandings
[CJsHere] 9:36 pm: (will respond to Knights' comment in a moment)
[cece] 9:36 pm: lol, no collar here, have kept a journal most of my life
[mpet] 9:36 pm: smiles at her Sir
[new_seeking] 9:36 pm: it's still offering better communication between the Dom and the sub
[jade_DM] 9:36 pm: so she can keep track, she where she is where she is going etc. she may want to share when she finds a Dom
[CJsHere] 9:36 pm: but, for what purpose cece?
[jade_DM] 9:36 pm: it would help Him get to know her better if she chooses
[cece] 9:37 pm: to think through things, to write about what's bother me or what is good...makes me feel better
[cece] 9:37 pm: helps me put things aside and move forward
[cece] 9:37 pm: helps me see mistakes and figure out ways to improve
[CJsHere] 9:38 pm: doesn't it also give you a way to look back, see where you've been,, what you've tried/done, or haven't tried/done? Perhaps even assist you in planning a future course?
[KnightCastle] 9:38 pm: If a sub wishes to keep one as a personal diary for her own perusal and memory keepsake, that I have absolutely no objection to. But requiring one to be a go between between Dom and sub is just a route-around for a lack of trusted communcation lines between the two of them.
[cece] 9:38 pm: exactly Sir
[Sir DM] 9:38 pm: Knight i view a journal as a road map of the past as well
[jade_DM] 9:39 pm: correct Sir...imo i want to be able to go back and recall things that worked, that didnt, likes and dislikes...getting old cant remember everything
[new_seeking] 9:39 pm: this may sound strange, but, what if i'm afraid or uncomfortable with Him knowing my fears or what it is i'm questioning about the relationship?
[CJsHere] 9:39 pm: okay, now to go back to Knight's comment,,
[CJsHere] 9:40 pm:
[KnightCastle] 9:40 pm: Seeking, then keep those fears and questions private until you can TRUST that they wilol heard and respected and not used in a manner "against" you so-to-speak
[cece] 9:40 pm: seeking, letting anyone read your thoughts is scary...imo it should only be done when trust is firmly established and even then sometimes its really hard
[CJsHere] 9:42 pm: the journal provides a source of allowing the girl (as mentioned a moment ago) to organize her thoughts so to speak, it gives her an opportunity to have one more resource available to her in the communication process. While it's not true with "every girl", I believe it true with most, there are just time when flat out, it's difficult, at best, for the girl to face to face sit down and discuss an issue with her Dominant,,, another,,,
[CJsHere] 9:43 pm: some times there are issues that just cant be "answered or discussed right then and there", entering it in the journal keeps it in the forefront that this is a "pending" issue that still needs to be resolved.. it helps to prevent it from being "forgotten about".
[KnightCastle] 9:43 pm: And that is my express point CJ, It works for me, It may not work for others. I have no set way to claim a Journal is required or not for others, I merely and offering a constrasting point of view to yours, for others to consider. I never teach "one way" I offer alternattives and tell everyone to do whats "best for them"
[CJsHere] 9:43 pm: nods to Knight,, continues.
[KnightCastle] 9:43 pm: if its entered in the private journal as a reminder, thats fine..
[Lobby]: babydoll_RB has left at 9:43 pm
[CJsHere] 9:44 pm: again, what works for each of us may not work for others, I also sometimes will require a girl to enter "written assignments" in her journal,, it provides for a consolidated location for these items, and more often than not, can serve as a future reference,
[jade_DM] 9:45 pm: doesnt like written assignments
[KnightCastle] 9:45 pm: if its a method of communciation to avoid tripping over your words, thats fine too. or what ever works for that couple. I was just offereing my "personal" viewpoint as an alternative, not a mantra or dagmatic principle
[CJsHere] 9:46 pm: There are not set rules of what is, or isn't kept in a journal.. so, it can be used as a central point to keep track of lots of things... It might be used as a place to enter the first day of a girls period each month,, (when the girl thinks to herself ruh roh, i'm late,,, or am i,, .. it becomes a good place to "double check".
[CJsHere] 9:47 pm: oh, I agree Knight, and not disagreeing with you, My only intent right now is to point out to others that haven't considered what some of the purposes of a journal can be, so no, please, don't take it as saying You're right, or wrong,,
[KnightCastle] 9:47 pm: One more point I would like to make, and that is a sub can be male or female as the case may be, not always a "girl".
[CJsHere] 9:47 pm: and yes, as always, I encourage others to add "their way" of
[CJsHere] 9:47 pm: nods to Knight,, most definitely, just as the Dominant might be Female as well.
[KnightCastle] 9:48 pm: I concur on that CJ, of course.
[fire_AsjFG] 9:49 pm: we know Master..
[jade_DM] 9:50 pm: understood Sir
[Briteyes] 9:50 pm: Yes it has often been stated CJ
[CJsHere] 9:51 pm: okay, now comes a touch point,, what about reviewing a journal.. should a girls journal be reviewd? If so, under what circumstances, and by who?
[Briteyes] 9:51 pm: and yes as I am usually the only Domme on I am use to it ;)
[CJsHere] 9:51 pm: touch=touchy
[Lobby]: MasterZata has entered at 9:51 pm
[Sir DM] 9:52 pm: if the Dom/Me makes it a task then it is very important to review and give feed back
[CJsHere] 9:52 pm: listens,
[Briteyes] 9:52 pm: agrees with DM, and I do like written communication
[Sir DM] 9:52 pm: i personaly reply in her journal and sometime in person and both at times
[fire_AsjFG] 9:53 pm: i think it is important for a girl to *know* that her journal has been reviewed...
[CJsHere] 9:53 pm: nods in agreement with DM and Brite,, yes,, especially if a journal is required by a Dom, it should be reviewed by that Dom,,, but what about feedback? does that have to be given?
[cece] 9:53 pm: agrees with Sir DM, if it is understood a Dom is going to read it, He needs to, a girl may write something so they can discuss it and if He ignores her journal it is as good as ignoring her
[jade_DM] 9:53 pm: imo that is up to the girl...and or her Dom...and i guess would also depend on T/their relationship if T/they wanted to share outside of relationship
[fire_AsjFG] 9:53 pm: either by written comments...or verbal ones
[fire_AsjFG] 9:54 pm: and i agree with cece... if there is no feedback ... then she does feel ignored...
[KnightCastle] 9:54 pm: if you are requiring a journal, and require to eb able to read it, then you are most definitely required to provide feedback on it in one form or another.
[Sir DM] 9:55 pm: IMHO yes feed back is just as important to the Sub and the entry is to the Dom
[jade_DM] 9:55 pm: agrees
[subnistri] 9:55 pm: i think is it is a given task, and there is no response, the journal is almost a moot point.
[mpet] 9:55 pm: agrees with Sir Knight and cece and Sir DM
[Lobby]: CJsHere has left at 9:55 pm
[subnistri] 9:55 pm: err- if*
[fire_AsjFG] 9:56 pm: ooops
[Briteyes] 9:56 pm: hides my boots
[Lobby]: CJsHere has entered at 9:56 pm
[Sir DM] 9:56 pm: woosh
[new_seeking] 9:56 pm: lol
[jade_DM] 9:56 pm: wb Sir
[fire_AsjFG] 9:56 pm: i didn't do it... promise...
[CJsHere] 9:56 pm: grrr. hate when that happens,
[fire_AsjFG] 9:58 pm: ?
[fire_AsjFG] 9:58 pm: oh ok..still here...got quiet
[CJsHere] 9:58 pm: as I started to say,, yes,, if a Dom has a girl, if He's going to communicate with her,, communication is two way, not one way,, so, whether it is in face to face discussions or contact, or it's in written from, such as a journal, then yes,, acknowledgement, and a response (feedback) is part of that communication.
[CJsHere] 9:59 pm: and yes,, if IMHO a Dominant isn't doing that, there's a problem,,
[Briteyes] 9:59 pm: nods
[Sir DM] 9:59 pm: nods to CJ agree
[CJsHere] 9:59 pm: with that said,, is the problem always a "problem with the relationship"?
[Sir DM] 9:59 pm: no not always
[CJsHere] 10:00 pm: (careful, could be a trick question here)
[Sir DM] 10:00 pm: just the communication
[new_seeking] 10:00 pm: no Sir....maybe there's a scheduling issue....need to find the time
[Briteyes] 10:00 pm: I do not think so
[Briteyes] 10:00 pm: can be miss communication and that can be fixed
[jade_DM] 10:01 pm: agree with above
[Sir DM] 10:01 pm: or like seeking said a time issue
[CJsHere] 10:02 pm: I agree with that answers given, but, with that said,, whatever the reason/excuse, it all boils down to there's a problem with the communication,, and when communication gets broken, look out, because problems with the relationship aren't usually far behind,, doesn't mean they can't be resolved,, but the issues have to be dealt with, the communication has to be reestablished,
[Lobby]: littlesub_ST has entered at 10:02 pm
[Briteyes] 10:02 pm: agreed
[Sir DM] 10:02 pm: agreed
[fire_AsjFG] 10:02 pm: agrees
[new_seeking] 10:03 pm: Yes Sir CJ.....agreeing here
[Lobby]: gigifaye_JMY has left at 10:03 pm
[CJsHere] 10:03 pm: so bottom line, yes, there can be reasons why the feedback "just isn’t there".. but recognize that, discuss the issues, be open a bit,, then see what you can do to work around it or resolve the minor issue before it becomes a major issue.
[Sir DM] 10:04 pm: again open communication is required
[CJsHere] 10:04 pm: based on My experience, yes, I see this issue as especially applicable in long distance or online relationships, but believe Me, it can happen o/l, or r/l..
[CJsHere] 10:05 pm: okay, but what about the girl that doesn't have a Dom?? What options are available to her with her journal, especially since I said earlier a journal shouldn't just be shared with anyone?
[Sir DM] 10:06 pm: make it private
[jade_DM] 10:06 pm: password it
[jade_DM] 10:06 pm: if it is online journal
[CJsHere] 10:06 pm: nods,, I'd recommend that for any journal.
[Briteyes] 10:07 pm: the sub keeps it to help them go back and see basic things
[CJsHere] 10:07 pm: but, what if she wants to get feedback, how does she do it? what options are open to her?
[CJsHere] 10:07 pm: or are there any?
[new_seeking] 10:07 pm: Sir....it is up to the girl who she may want to share her journal with. I would think it would only be shared if she was expecting some type of help or assistance with feedback.
[jade_DM] 10:07 pm: other girls
[Briteyes] 10:07 pm: what they have learned to re-eveluate what they are looking for in a Dom/me
[mpet] 10:07 pm: perhaps if she has a Mentor, she could have Him read it and give Her feedback
[Jimmy13532000] 10:07 pm: ask someone she trusts to read it, and give her feedback
[cece] 10:07 pm: she can use pieces of it a post to the forum, or send in email to a trusted friend without exposing the whole thing
[jade_DM] 10:08 pm: thinks all of those are an option
[CJsHere] 10:08 pm: nods to pet, Jimmy and cece,, all of the above.
[KnightCastle] 10:08 pm: the sub can also keep the journal undr another name for
public consuption, and get feedback that way.
[CJsHere] 10:09 pm: a Mentor if she has one can be a good source,, approaching a trusted Dom can be another,, ..
[KnightCastle] 10:09 pm: such as a blogspot etc.
[Briteyes] 10:09 pm: do not like the public at all IMO
[CJsHere] 10:09 pm: I really am not an advocate of a "blog".. and allow Me to explain why, yes, it can be, but things to consider,
[Briteyes] 10:09 pm: to many idiots go and post remarks just to get reactions
[CJsHere] 10:10 pm: first, as Brite says, the public portion,, especially if there are some private things in that journal.
[Briteyes] 10:10 pm: and you get feed back from people that do not really no the real you so how can they have a real opinion often
[CJsHere] 0:11 pm: smiles as Brite reads My mind,,
[KnightCastle] 10:11 pm: hence why you keep it devoid of personal info CJ, and write it aynonomously.
[Sir DM] 10:11 pm: oooo thats scary
[new_seeking] 10:11 pm: but why would anyone want a strangers opinion?
[Briteyes] 10:12 pm: right seeking
[Briteyes] 10:12 pm: if they do not no you how can they give good advice
[jade_DM] 10:12 pm: could be things they "the girl" did not think of
[CJsHere] 9:12 pm: yes,, keep in mind, if you post something, every idiot on the continent (make that all 7 continents) is going to read what you posted, and you may get some far fetched comments,,
[Briteyes] 10:12 pm: you may think you want a D/s relationship with no BDSM they may be all about BDSM
[KnightCastle] 10:12 pm: any information, from known people, or unknown people needs to be judged on its own merit by the recipient, and judged as to wheter that information advice is of use, or value to said reader. Thats a personal responsibility for all, regardless of relationship role
[CJsHere] 10:13 pm: the problem with that, there are some girls that will take those stupid comments as legitimate feedback,
[jade_DM] 10:13 pm: ah yes that is true Sir
[CJsHere] 10:13 pm: especially if others dont respond to what was said,
[Briteyes] 10:13 pm: exactly CJ
[KnightCastle] 10:14 pm: and who determines "legitimate" CJ? isnt that still an individual responsibility? I would think it is, and always remain as one.
[new_seeking] 10:14 pm: personally....i don't need the whole world in my business....lol....so i wouldn't post to them to begin with.
[CJsHere] 10:14 pm: so yes, can post on blogs and forums, but I suggest that only as a last resort,, and then, I wouldn't post it as a journal, rather I'd try to post it as a question for discussion.
[CJsHere] 0:14 pm: Knight, I'd like to agree with you, but the reality is a bit different,
[Sir DM] 10:15 pm: ppl are gullible bottom line
[cece] 10:15 pm: well seems to me whether it's blogspot or Asj's forum whatever you put out there will be subject to feedback and criticsm, good, bad or otherwise, the "poster" should know that and take some responsibility to weed through the junk
[Sir DM] 10:15 pm: and uncertainty promotes that
[CJsHere] 10:15 pm: right or wrong, the reality is, there are many girls that seek guidance, frequently, again, right or wrong, you'll find a girl step up to take guidance from essentially anyone that comes across as strong and "Dominant".
[KnightCastle] 10:15 pm: and thats fine, seeking, we all should do what is to our comfort level. to some an aynonomous blog may be there only way of feeling comfortable sharing theire feelings. its not for everyone. CJ was asking for alternatives to "what if scenarios" My suggestion is onlky one, not "the only". :)
[mpet] 10:16 pm: agrees with Sir Knight and cece
[KnightCastle] 10:16 pm: which goes back to the point of establishing trust, and thereforevalue to opinions that are gathered.
[Briteyes] 10:16 pm: right cece but on Asj at least most her no a bit about you on a regular blog its a bunch of people many who get off messing with people online and as CJ said some are very guliable
[cece] 10:17 pm: not disagreeing with You Ma'am
[CJsHere] 10:17 pm: If a girl is keeping a journal, should she ever review what she's written,, if so, how far back, and how often?
[Briteyes] 10:17 pm: I no hun ;)
[new_seeking] 10:17 pm: thinks she'll just stick to normal Dom/sub
journaling....if she ever starts it to begin with. :)
[jade_DM] 10:18 pm: as ofter and as far back as she feels comfortable with
[CJsHere] 10:18 pm: listens,
[new_seeking] 10:18 pm: she can go back as far as she wants...it's her life story
[cece] 10:19 pm: as painful and embarrassing as it can be to read through old entries, yes it is a good idea...another way to learn from past mistakes, hopefully also see how you've grown
[jade_DM] 10:19 pm: it really depends on what is going on in her life and what she wants and or is looking for
[KnightCastle] 10:19 pm: a sub shouldnt listen to a first time feedback from anyone on any site, including here, or from me, or from anyone else. It is with time and the consistency of responses given that validity and trust and value of opinion may be granted, or decided its not valid. where that info comes from is not as important in my opinbion, its the content of it.
[Briteyes] 10:20 pm: there you and I would very much disagree
[CJsHere] 10:20 pm: nods, there really is no limit,, Myself personally, I urge a girl to at least a couple of times a week, go back and review previous entries,, It's a way of seeing where she’s come from,, it's a way of reviewing or discovering things she’s learned about herself, her relationship. It's also a way of helping her to see things she still doesn't understand and needs to clarify.
[CJsHere] 10:22 pm: I've found that a girl reviewing a journal will also serve as a memory jogger on her personal "to do list".
[KnightCastle] 10:22 pm: Brite, are you then saying that good advice can only come from certain people/sites?
[subnistri] 10:23 pm: Sir, can I ask what you mean by "to do list"?
[Sir DM] 10:23 pm: agrees with Cj again
[CJsHere] 10:23 pm: Last week, we talked about the importance of a girl learning a bit about herself, what it is she wants to find in a relationship so that she knows what she should be looking for in a potential Dominant,,, I think the journal will help her to answer these questions,
[new_seeking] 10:23 pm: Sir CJ....when a girl is new at writing a journal.....do You give her guidelines of what You are expecting, or wanting?
[Briteyes] 10:23 pm: no but I am saying that better advice usually comes for people who know the person and more of the full story then from people only reading a blog entry
[CJsHere] 10:24 pm: by "to do list".. it might be things that she's set for herself as goals,, things she wants to do, try, or learn.
[subnistri] 10:24 pm: Thank You Sir.
[CJsHere] 10:24 pm: smiles at seeking, that's a trick question,,, allow Me to explain,
[Briteyes] 10:24 pm: diffently CJ
[CJsHere] 10:24 pm: first, every girl is different, so what might be required of one, might not be of another,, but,,
[Lobby]: ellen has entered at 10:25 pm
[KnightCastle] 10:26 pm: yes brite I agree. and one who reads a blog regularly, and comments regularly would hold more weight to the writer than a fly by commenter. a regular reader of a journal would really be no different than a long distance dominant reading the same journal and "knowing" the person by that means of communication for the most part.
[CJsHere] 10:26 pm: Myself personally, I like to start a girl off rather "vaguely".. not a lot of clarification of what I want to see in a journal, the reason, it allows Me to see where she'll go with it,,, I don't want to limit what she might want to provide Me,, then if after a few days she's not heading where I want her to go, then I might add some specifics.
[jade_DM] 10:26 pm: me personally if i have alot going on ...i might have out of the ordanariy things to accomplish i might put them in my journal so i dont forget to take care of them.
[CJsHere] 10:26 pm: hope that makes sense.
[fire_AsjFG] 10:26 pm: smiles
[new_seeking] 10:26 pm: Yes Sir....thank You, Sir
[CJsHere] 10:28 pm: here's a question for you. a journal,,, hmm, a girl enters in her journal, and then decides for whatever reason, she wants to delete or rewrite what she wrote.. is that permissable? why, why not?
[CJsHere] 10:29 pm: listens,
[jade_DM] 10:29 pm: ?? dont see why she would want to do that
[Jimmy13532000] 10:29 pm: not a chance you can not rewrite history
[new_seeking] 10:29 pm: no erasing or scribbling out Sir???
[CJsHere] 10:29 pm: I sort of disagree,, and I'll explain,
[KnightCastle] 10:30 pm: it is her words, her journal, she has every right to. if the dom forbids that, she may put that relationship at jeopardy as a consequence, but in the end game, its her intelctual property
[Lobby]: MasterZata has left at 10:30 pm
[jade_DM] 10:30 pm: it is a journal a communication device...you are writing you have the chance then and there to say it they way you want to
[new_seeking] 10:30 pm: how about invisible ink ?? ;) **giggles**
[mpet] 10:30 pm: lol seeking
[MrCAS] 10:30 pm: snickers
[CJsHere] 10:31 pm: yes, I believe a girl should be allowed to correct or change her journal,, sort of.... the way it should be done, IMHO,, the part to be changed or deleted, should be "lightly" crossed out,, (so that it is still legible) and a corrected entry should be placed as close to possible after the entry to be changed,, let Me explain why,,
[CJsHere] 10:33 pm: the thoughts were there, for what ever reason, she felt it,, she thought it, she wrote it, let her and or her Dom be aware, yes, she did feel that way,,, and yes, her emotions, feelings thoughts did change,, hopefully the new entry will explain why the change,, but her new thoughts will be there,,, the old ones were there,, as Jimmy said, you can't rewrite history, accept that,,
[jade_DM] 10:33 pm: thinks...after discussing with Sir DM that , that makes sense
[CJsHere] 10:34 pm: now, if you have that to look back on and remind yourself, hey guess what,, things or "perceptions" of things can change,,, it can help you to remember not to jump the gun next time,
[CJsHere] 10:35 pm: just a final clarification,, IMHO, no, a journal should not be erased, whited out,, written with invisible ink, torn up, thrown away and started over, or otherwise spindled, mutilated, etc.
[CJsHere] 10:36 pm: and yes,, it's important for Me to clarify, there may be others that disagree with Me on this,, it is just "My way" of doing things so to speak,
[new_seeking] 10:37 pm: wonders how many journals that Sir CJ has read in His lifetime? :)
[jade_DM] 10:37 pm: really if you think about it , if you show what you are feeling, then go back and lightly cross out and explain...you are developing, and controling your self . learning from mistakes
[fire_AsjFG] 10:37 pm: smiles
[CJsHere] 10:37 pm: remember, to respond to Knights earlier comment,, sure, it's her journal,, but wait a minute, to be effective, the Dom "needs" to know what's going on in her thought process,, even if she changes her mind, the Dom needs to know what thoughts, however fleeting were there,
[subnistri] 10:37 pm: lol seeking
[CJsHere] 10:38 pm: by knowing how the girl reacts, how she things, why she feels as she does, then the Dom can truly begin to anticipate a girls reactions and emotions and respond to them accordingly,,
[KnightCastle] 10:39 pm: my comment was adrressed to when things are over with said Dom CJ, or have deteriorated to where the sub feels threatened by the Dom by whats in her journal.
[CJsHere] 10:39 pm: and again,, there may be those that I'll just have to agree to disagree with on this topic,
[CJsHere] 10:39 pm: scrolls up to reread..
[KnightCastle] 10:39 pm: andf wishes to destroy it for that reason, or a reason of personal "vanilla" safety of an online one that may be tyraced to them, etc.
[CJsHere] 10:40 pm: scratches My head on that one,, but, okay,
[CJsHere] 10:42 pm: okay, seems I've rambled on a bit more than an hour on this one,, anyone have any questions on what we've talked about this evening? anyone want to add anything??
[CJsHere] 10:42 pm: DM, CAS, Jimmy, Hardone, Knight, Brite, any comments or things to add?
[MrCAS] 10:42 pm: Seemed pretty through to me
[jade_DM] 10:42 pm: no Sir...very good topic...nice disscussion thank you A/all
[Jimmy13532000] 10:42 pm: I'm good here
[new_seeking] 10:42 pm: no Sir....it was a very helpful class....Thank You Sir CJ
[Briteyes] 10:42 pm: Not I , CJ ...seems lots to agree on and some to agree to disagree on
[CJsHere] 10:43 pm: fire, anything you'd like to add?
[Sir Hardone40] 10:43 pm: good here
[fire_AsjFG] 10:43 pm: no Master... thank You very much... :)
[subnistri] 10:43 pm: agreed with jade and seeking, Thank You Sir CJ
[CJsHere] 10:43 pm: as always, it's a bit like a smorgasboard,, you have to take portions of what works for you.. look at the other things on the menu, and consider them, but don't eat what you can't eat.
[CJsHere] 10:44 pm: girls, any comments or questions?
[cece] 10:44 pm: thanks for the topic Sir CJ and to A/all for a lively discussion
[CJsHere] 10:45 pm: in that case, I'm going to wrap this one up, call it a good topic,, I appreciate you all being here this evening, I'm going to take about a five minute break, then I'll be back, although being frank, I won't be online long this evening,,